The Trivial Complaints Thread ... #3

[Heart Of Midnight]

This is a really stupid thing, but I want to write it out of my head..
(Sorry for any typos)

I was eating at a restaurant on Friday where a nice member of the staff came to greet me and suddenly asked what I've been up to lately. I was so surprised by the question that I couldn't say anything reasonable! I just said something like: Well, nothing special. To which this guy said: I guess you're doing more than just going here to eat!  I nervously answered stuttering again: Well, nothing special.. I'm just living an ordinary human life.. This guy just said: It's good that it's an ordinary life, nothing unusual. I just answered again: Yes.. exactly.
I left the place in shame and I have been ashamed of my stupid freezing and words all evening and still! I don't dare show my face anymore, at least when that guy is there on duty! I could see from his look that he thought what the h*ll I am, when I can't speak normally like other people! I could have told him anything about my days and my activities, but..

I try to be social, but I don't always succeed. Then when this happens, I'm sad, ashamed and I regret such things even for several
years! 

[BlackCurtains]

Aww

I don't think any of what you said was bad! I would act weird in that situation too, what odd things for him to say.

You shouldn't feel ashamed. Trust me, restaurant staff have faced much worse than awkward conversation from a guest.

I went out to eat once with my family at a higher priced restaurant and the waiter sat in the chair next to me and chatted with us. I felt so nervous with him right there and didn't know what to say! But he was just being friendly and probably didn't even notice my awkwardness. I'm sure it was the same with your guy

---

I can't sleep again. I fell asleep for a half hour and woke up. My bed is so uncomfortable I didn't sleep last night either. My night meds make me sleepy but once I'm in bed I just toss and turn. Also, my temp is off. I can't decide if I'm cold or hot. Like now with just the fan on me I feel too hot, but if I turn on the AC, I'll feel too cold. Ugh. Very frustrating.

[Beldarna]

This is a really stupid thing, but I want to write it out of my head..
(Sorry for any typos)

I was eating at a restaurant on Friday where a nice member of the staff came to greet me and suddenly asked what I've been up to lately. I was so surprised by the question that I couldn't say anything reasonable! I just said something like: Well, nothing special. To which this guy said: I guess you're doing more than just going here to eat!  I nervously answered stuttering again: Well, nothing special.. I'm just living an ordinary human life.. This guy just said: It's good that it's an ordinary life, nothing unusual. I just answered again: Yes.. exactly.
I left the place in shame and I have been ashamed of my stupid freezing and words all evening and still! I don't dare show my face anymore, at least when that guy is there on duty! I could see from his look that he thought what the h*ll I am, when I can't speak normally like other people! I could have told him anything about my days and my activities, but..

I try to be social, but I don't always succeed. Then when this happens, I'm sad, ashamed and I regret such things even for several
years! 

Nothing to be ashamed of. He was the weird one imo! In Sweden we don't chit chat with staff! We don't make small talk with strangers. We barely even say hi to our next door neighbours! I would have stuttered as well as its so far out from my comfort zone being asked such questions by a waiter. I had a sense it's similar in Finland but I might be wrong?

[Taffeta]

This is a really stupid thing, but I want to write it out of my head..
(Sorry for any typos)

I was eating at a restaurant on Friday where a nice member of the staff came to greet me and suddenly asked what I've been up to lately. I was so surprised by the question that I couldn't say anything reasonable! I just said something like: Well, nothing special. To which this guy said: I guess you're doing more than just going here to eat!  I nervously answered stuttering again: Well, nothing special.. I'm just living an ordinary human life.. This guy just said: It's good that it's an ordinary life, nothing unusual. I just answered again: Yes.. exactly.
I left the place in shame and I have been ashamed of my stupid freezing and words all evening and still! I don't dare show my face anymore, at least when that guy is there on duty! I could see from his look that he thought what the h*ll I am, when I can't speak normally like other people! I could have told him anything about my days and my activities, but..

I try to be social, but I don't always succeed. Then when this happens, I'm sad, ashamed and I regret such things even for several
years! 

Nothing to be ashamed of. He was the weird one imo! In Sweden we don't chit chat with staff! We don't make small talk with strangers. We barely even say hi to our next door neighbours! I would have stuttered as well as its so far out from my comfort zone being asked such questions by a waiter. I had a sense it's similar in Finland but I might be wrong?

To be honest, I would also put him in the wrong. It's one thing to be friendly, but to try and persist in a conversation with someone who is uncomfortable is not really reading signals.

It's really easy to think in that situation that you are being the antisocial one, HoM, like we're always expected to put ourselves out at the whim of other people's social needs. It's often the case that people are made to feel like you feel - awkward about knowing what to say - but you don't know this guy well, right? How are you meant to have a conversation with him if you have absolutely no clues to click onto?

I may be biased since I don't like people in my space uninvited, but I think it's pretty antisocial to start random chatting to someone even when they clearly aren't comfortable chatting back.

I can be really social and helpful and friendly at work, and I often chat to people on the buses, as I see some people often. But that doesn't mean I am open whenever someone else decides they're bored/lonely/want to expand their social circle. And honestly, as much as I like my colleagues, there are times when they ask "what are you doing at the weekend/whenever" and I always hate that question because I'm not sure why I am meant to be doing anything, much less talking about it!

In short, don't feel guilty for not being ready to talk to him. You didn't invite him. If it was awkward for him then that's his problem. It isn't yours. Don't feel guilty for someone else dropping into your personal space uninvited. You owe them nothing, and certainly not details of your life.

[Heart Of Midnight]

Thanks BC, Beldarna and Taffeta! Your words made me feel better! 

Now that my anxiety about this matter has subsided, I can tell you a little about this guy.

He's actually quite strange, but I think he only means well. (I've never met anything like that before.) I know that in the past he has also let out some strange words, interfered in other people's affairs, and I have noticed that many other customers have also been surprised by this guy's babbling or behavior (including those who work with him). He is really good at his job, but way too curious and tries to be too familiar!
I've noticed from side-eyeing him that he's constantly talking. Even when he is alone, he talks almost non-stop, but luckily then almost silently. Most of us talk to ourselves, myself included, but this guy really does it almost non-stop.
We have noticed with my spouse that this guy has very few words towards my spouse. My spouse feels that the guy seems to be a bit timid/afraid of him. But if my spouse is looking at his phone, this guy will be curiously peeking at the phone screen if he happens to pass by us. My spouse has purposely always quickly closed the protective covers on his phone when he has noticed that prying eyes are nearby.

Beldarna, Yes, in Finland too, people behave (usually) the same way as they do in Sweden when meeting strangers.
Since I live in a detached house, I always try to say hello to my neighbors, but if I lived in an apartment building, for example, I wouldn't say hello to anyone there.. Except maybe the residents of the apartments right next to it.. of course it depends on what kind of people live there.

I could write more about this, but I have to go to bed now. Thank you for existing here and we have this Arena where you can share your concerns/sorrows!

[BlackCurtains]

I'm glad you're feeling better about it

That dude sounds so weird though!

I've heard that about Sweden, Finland and Norway, that you don't talk to strangers. I saw a a documentary about Norway and even when people are waiting for the bus or in line at a store, they don't stand close to each other. Sometimes I wish more Americans knew what personal space was. People will come up to talk to you all the time. Well, me at least. It was the same with my dad. People would just chat with him, and I guess I have the same kind of face/vibe or whatever. But then I will also call out people who are rude or think the rules don't apply to them too

--

So, my new bed is very comfortable and I slept a lot today, but now when I want to sleep, sleep won't come. I was lying there for three hours trying to fall asleep. Maybe it's because I slept through the day, but I'm tired and I took my medicine which makes me sleepy. I want to sleep all night.

My temp is off again. Hot or cold? I don't know. Both.

[Ponybookworm]

HOM as others have said, he was the weird one, not you. You go to a restaurant to eat good food without having to cook it or wash dishes yourself, not to chit-chat if you don't want that. I'd have been, mate, I'[m here to EAT, not talk!!! I hate people seeing me eat as I have things happen when I eat which can offend some people (my nose goes when I eat anything so I either have to blow it - & I was brought up to never leave the table while eating a course - or I have to open my mouth, even subtly, to breathe, which is also considered offensive), plus I was also brought up to not talk with food in my mouth. So I'd much prefer to eat in peace. I also have heard of the Scandinavian policy of not chatting to strangers, so extra weird there too

[BlackCurtains]

Hmm. I find this conversation about the waiter interesting See, I think he asked some strange questions, but I don't think it's strange that he started talking to HoM. Wait staff is usually friendly in the US and will chit chat a bit. *Especially* in the south. Your waitress is going to call you hun and be surprised you don't want sweet tea and make a joke about it. And we do tipping here as well, so the better your waiter is the better tips they get, and "better" means friendly among other things. And apparently "friendly" in the US means talking to you

I just find it culturally interesting, is all

[Beldarna]

It is interesting. One of my aunts (now dead) moved to the US when she was 19 and whenever she came visiting, she thought we were rude for not talking to waitstaff and cashiers. Me on the other hand don't think I would do well in the US. I would be overwhelmed by the friendliness. I would need to pull out the calculator everytime it's time to pay and people there would think I'm rude for not talking back to them .
We don't have a tipping culture here, everyone is paid a livable wage which mean waiststaff can be friendly and serviceminded without taking too much abuse. Some restaurants have an option on the card reader where you can add a tip as an option, but it's not obligated and for me personally, they would have to go over and beyond to recieve one. Often it's not even the waiter who brought the menue who comes with the food and comes with the bill so who is getting the tip?


My vacation is over.

[Beth3346]

@Beldarna for tipping it used to go directly to the waiter. but now tips are pooled and split. i don't work in a restaurant but from what i understand the host, bartenders, waitstaff, people who clean off the tables all split the tips for the day. there's also issues with restaurants skimming tips.

i would prefer people get a livable wage and not have the tipping system for everything. especially when it's so easy for businesses to steal tips from their workers. the tipping system is also tied to slavery in the United States. https://time.com/5404475/history-tipping-american-restaurants-civil-war/

there seems to be a backlash here against tipping. but every time raising the minimum wage comes up people freak out about hamburgers getting more expensive. or people get upset at the thought of restaurant workers making the same as them. or teachers get brought up for some reason. yes, teachers should make way way more than they do!

about the chit chatting. in Texas people chit chat a lot. with strangers, cashiers, waitstaff. i actually find it weird in other parts of the country. when i visited my friend in Kansas i tried to chit chat with the bartender and she looked at me like i was from another planet. but yeah HOM that guy sounds very awkward. that conversation would have weirded me out.

[Heart Of Midnight]

HOM as others have said, he was the weird one, not you. You go to a restaurant to eat good food without having to cook it or wash dishes yourself, not to chit-chat if you don't want that. I'd have been, mate, I'[m here to EAT, not talk!!! I hate people seeing me eat as I have things happen when I eat which can offend some people (my nose goes when I eat anything so I either have to blow it - & I was brought up to never leave the table while eating a course - or I have to open my mouth, even subtly, to breathe, which is also considered offensive), plus I was also brought up to not talk with food in my mouth. So I'd much prefer to eat in peace. I also have heard of the Scandinavian policy of not chatting to strangers, so extra weird there too

Ponybookworm, thank you!

What would that guy say if I told him that: hey, I came here to eat, not to chat!  He might get this look:


I may not be going to that restaurant for a while now, but I won't stop visiting there because of that guy. Just gotta try to avoid that guy over there..

One strange thing came to my mind that once we went to this particular restaurant to eat and we met him there for the very first time. He was working at the cash register and said to us: My favorite customers arrived! What.. We hadn't met before! I don't remember what my spouse and I answered, maybe we just smiled.
 
Once at the checkout he had overcharged us a little and when we noticed the mistake a little later on the receipt, my spouse went to ask him about it. The guy couldn't believe it at first, he said he never makes mistakes! But when my spouse showed the receipt in his hand and his account information from his phone, which revealed that the money had been charged too much, this guy then started to wonder how he could do this and repeated it many times. It was fixed, but this guy continued to wonder about it as long as we were in the restaurant and when we happened to see him there that day. I think that even on our next visit, he was still wondering about it and apologized even though we had said several times that it was ok and everything has now been fixed.

[BlackCurtains]

Wow. Maybe he thinks you're someone else? Are you and your husband doppelgangers?

--

My complaint right now is my head. It's been hurting all day. It's an odd sort of headache, not one of my usuals. My implant is very itchy also. It's keeping me up. I tried to go to sleep but any way I put my head the pain was there. It feels slightly better if I sit up. I've taken headache meds, but I took some earlier in the day and they didn't do much. I've been drinking water so I don't think it's dehydration. Maybe... allergy? My sinuses hurt when I push on my cheeks and my eyes are red and itchy. Hmm.

Whatever it's from I wish it would go away.

[Taffeta]

On the cultural aspect, here in the UK I think it depends a lot on the context. London is not especially friendly, though my mother (who is a Londoner) will tell you that it is, it's really not. That said, within pockets or communities in London, especially on the outskirts or in particular neighbourhoods, you will find people just randomly chatting about things. Just not usually on the tube. I've had people randomly strike up conversations with me on buses and trains, sometimes it's ok and sometimes not.

I admit to using the self service machines wherever possible so as to avoid having to speak to cashiers. Some cashiers don't strike up a conversation, but some do. I'm not being rude, but whenever I have to interact with a stranger, it takes a lot of energy trying to figure out what I'm meant to say, especially if it comes out of nowhere. So then I am more tired by the end of the day. Hence I try to reduce unnecessary interactions so I can focus on dealing with things like customers at work, where I need to engage.

The worst people in London are the ones trying to do charity sign ups. They will approach you randomly on the street with their clipboards, or yell at you, or try and step into your path. I donate to charity, contribute to the local food bank when I can and I have at least one long-term subscription, so it's not at all that I have a problem donating. What I have a problem with is a random stranger coming out of nowhere and trying to get me to give over financial or other private details on the street. It's already scary enough when a random stranger speaks to you out of nothing, but I really wish this kind of canvassing was banned. It's one thing to have a booth or table on the street where people can come to you, but being chased down by them is pretty stressful. (Maybe that's just my autistic perspective, but I think it rude).

[BlackCurtains]

That charity thing sounds like a UK thing People don't do that here, chase you down I mean. At least I've never seen it. My mom and I were picked from the crowd at the mall to be part of a quick product testing, but he didn't chase us per se. He just called out to us "beautiful ladies" from a make up kiosk. That was yeeeeeeears ago now.

I think someone hanging out trying to get people to do stuff is considered loitering. I dunno. The cops make the homeless get off the corners when asking for money or food by the road, but then turn around and hold up traffic for their donations. That's probably a US thing.

[Heart Of Midnight]

Wow. Maybe he thinks you're someone else? Are you and your husband doppelgangers?

--

My complaint right now is my head. It's been hurting all day. It's an odd sort of headache, not one of my usuals. My implant is very itchy also. It's keeping me up. I tried to go to sleep but any way I put my head the pain was there. It feels slightly better if I sit up. I've taken headache meds, but I took some earlier in the day and they didn't do much. I've been drinking water so I don't think it's dehydration. Maybe... allergy? My sinuses hurt when I push on my cheeks and my eyes are red and itchy. Hmm.

Whatever it's from I wish it would go away.

This was a new word for me, if I understood correctly.. No, we are not doppelgangers. (My English is really bad, but here at Arena I have already learned many new words!)
--
I hope your headache has already eased at least a little!