Gift giving - how do I do this right?

[Sukeile]

Hey, this is a bit of a silly problem, it's not really a problem, I'm just terrible at social skills and I'm not sure what is proper ::

So, I am a  happy introvert that is used to not having many friends and my immediate family celebrated christmas without gift giving or receiving.

Last year I made a friend though, she's super nice and sweet and has helped me come out of my shell a bit more during the time we've known each other.

She is into MLP as well and mentioned on her Facebook that she wishes she could afford a collection of FiM comic books.

Since I had enough money and not a lot of other people to spent it on I decided to buy them for her.

But I am afraid that since she has a lot of friends that are more close to her than I am she probably isn't counting on getting anything from me and I am worried of her reaction.

I know she's had some financial troubles and it makes me happy to give her something she would not spend money on for herself; however that's the thing.

I do not want her to feel obligated to give me something in return and I'm also worried getting a gift she did not expect might make her feel bad for not giving something to me ( because I saw the latest episode of the big bang theory where they said that is common. )

Is it better to give it earlier or after christmas?

How do I make it clear that this is completely unconditional?

Am I reading too much into this thing? Most probably yes ::

[Thunderwing]

You're not reading too much into it. It IS an awkward situation, and one that often happens with new friends. It's awkward to ask, and neither one wants to be the one who gives or receives without reciprocating.

Since you want to give her a present, I would go ahead and do so - and for Christmas is when I would do it, rather than afterwards. You can give it to her as a Christmas gift before Christmas, doesn't have to be on the exact day.  Just wrap it up nice, and when you give it to her, tell her that you wanted her to have this. And when she says "but I didn't get your anything!" is when you go into the "It's ok, you don't have to, really you don't, I just _really_ wanted you to have this!"  You will have to repeat this a few times, because it is really ingrained in our society that if someone gives you a present, you have to give in return.

[Sukeile]

That makes sense I guess, I wish gift giving was not so complicated!

Hopefully she won't feel bad and just love the gift, ponies are pretty good at making people feel happy after all

Post Merge: December 13, 2014, 09:44:44 AM

Oh! And thank you so much for the advice!

[mopthebunny]

Well, I'm no expert But I think you should give them to her for Christmas and stress the fact that you don't want anything in return. If you just make it clear, I don't think there should be any problem Of course, that's just what I would do lol

[LightingElectricDream]

Oh girl! This morning was very un comfortable.
I would exept gifts from people normally and feel good about it.

I had a guy give me a gift at work and it was not the kind of thing that is ok when you have a boyfriend, I refused it. Only in that situataion is it bad and akword..

How ever since its a FRIEND and very close and all, its A ok. And not to worry about anything elce even if she gives a gift back so what, be happy! no worries it is the season of giveing after all.

[CupidStrikes]

Be honest about it! Just say "I saw you really wanted these, and as my way of saying thank you for all you've done for me, I'd really like to give you something that makes you as happy as you've made me", something like that Then she might not feel obligated to get you something in return (if she says something along those lines, maybe say "A handmade card would make my day!" or something, then it lets her return the gesture, but with something small?, or insist that she's ALREADY given you plenty by being your friend!)

[Sukeile]

I think I will give it to her and try to be clear it is something that I knew she wanted and I had the opportunity to get and that's all.

I do value her friendship greatly and I am sure she appreciates me as well.

But I am not sure if she sees me as a close friend at all since she is much more social than I am and meets a lot of people normally; while for me being invited over to her house will be the social highlight of my month

Still, I do feel she sees me as a friend rather than just an acquaintance as she does invite me over and out to do things.

She knows I have some trouble with communication though, so I am sure she will understand if I do seem a little clumsy in my friendship making skills, haha

Post Merge: December 13, 2014, 10:54:47 AM

Be honest about it! Just say "I saw you really wanted these, and as my way of saying thank you for all you've done for me, I'd really like to give you something that makes you as happy as you've made me", something like that Then she might not feel obligated to get you something in return (if she says something along those lines, maybe say "A handmade card would make my day!" or something, then it lets her return the gesture, but with something small?, or insist that she's ALREADY given you plenty by being your friend!)

I think that sums up my feelings perfectly! Thank you I will say it like this I think. 

[Leave a Whisper]

ask for a list, then choose thing(s) from that list.

[kaoskat]

I think you've gotten some great advice and I'm very much of the opinion that when you care about someone you should let them know. So I think this is a wonderful thing to do!

[Sukeile]

I'll give it to her next time I see her
Thank you so much for all the lovely advice!

[melodys_angel]

It doesn't have to be social at all o.o  Im sure she will be happy that you thought of her enough to give a gift--nomatter what it is. Id just let her make sure its perfectly fine if she doesn't have one for you in return--that its something you just wanted to do.

[ghouldilocks]

It isn't silly at all - in fact, there is a great deal of study in the field of sociocultural anthropology on reciprocity and gift exchange.  And as someone who is also rather introverted, I definitely relate to your feelings of uncertainty with regard to getting something for a new friend.

I think you were given some great advice already, and I hope everything turns out well! How I usually handle things like this is if someone were to give me a gift when I had not got anything for them, I would likely make a point of keeping an eye out for something they might like, to give them in return.

[Sukeile]

I did it!

And it didn't end up being awkward at all, she was so happy!

[Lilithdrff]

Glad it all turned out ok! 

[Loa]

Woohoo!