If you don't want to do business with someone - write about it!

[TinyShinyUnique]

This isn't aimed at anyone in particular in any way, it's just something I've noticed and what had been driving me crazy. It's a general situation that I think is more common recently than when I was active few years ago. (I hope this is the proper forum for this topic! :blush)

When working on a trade, being a seller or buyer, the moment I see my PM has been read but not responded to for several days, what am I supposed to assume? I've seen many people claiming in one of the threads here that it's their 'polite' way to say that they aren't interested with doing a business  with someone and I kind of took it for granted.

Then I learned one person just got busy for almost two months and couldn't get back to me because of Real Life. I can understand that and the potential buyer also understood why I assumed our deal won't come through. I felt guilty though.

Then I've heard back from another person who I falsely accused of ending the deal when they hadn't responded to me directly stating to postpone our potential trade. They are a lovely person and now I feel both guilty and really bad about the whole situation because I've sold the pony they originally wanted just today.

I know I might be overreacting. The thing is, I'm still very insecure when getting in touch with members. I understand when they don't want to do business with me - I wasn't a perfect trader and they are in no way obliged to have anything to do with me. I don't want to seem pushy with my offers for trading or selling and the last thing I want is to make people uncomfortable with my offers. I think that there are introverts or people with anxiety problems that also might find this problematic.

At the same time, it drives me crazy when I see that someone had read my PM and still hadn't responded after few days had passed and had been online in the meantime. I keep wondering if I did something wrong or if they're just found a better deal elsewhere. It happened few times to me that I saw someone contacting me and when I give the shipping quote or a more accurate description and additional photos they never respond back. But a short 'No sorry, I can't work out a deal with you in the end' is a message that would help me out with figuring if I'm supposed to put a pony on hold for you or if you will never get back to me.

Is anyone also thinking that not getting back to someone a better way of ending a deal than outright stating that? I just can't wrap my mind around this as I try always to get back to a seller or just someone I'm talking to via PM's - I sometimes read the PM on my mobile but get back to someone ASAP because I see it as a courtesy.

[tulagirl]

There are a number of reasons why someone might not respond to a pm.  A lot of times if they have say 20 in their in box...the way the system works they could easily over look it.  The reason, when you look at one pm they all open. I have missed pms myself due to this factor.  I am sorry you are having these frustrations with people. I would just think that moving on after not hearing anything a couple of days is best.   Sometimes people are looking for that item you want and can't find it right away.  This has happened to me.  Patience is certain something that I have had to use numerous times on the arena. Not everyone does business in a flash, but for the most part my transactions here have gone well and were worth the wait at times.  If I needed something quicker and they didn't get back with me (like for a swap)...I just move on.  Its no bid deal really as they are not required to respond to my request to purchase or trade.  While it would be excellent if everyone contacted each person back its not really realistic.  As far as buyers that change their mind, that is a given in any situation. Yes its frustrating but it happens.  People are not sure what they want sometimes and sure they waste our time, but its just that people don't all see things in the same way. For some, this kind of behavior isn't a bad thing.  They figure since they didn't say they were going to buy it, there is nothing wrong with changing their mind and saying nothing. I have fixed this problem by not allowing people to hold up my items more than 24 hours.  I send them a pm when that is about to expire and move on to another buyer.   I don't have to say anything other than with the initial transaction I let them know they have a 24 hour window.  Serious inquiries are really more valuable to me than people dragging me along for days.  This practice has helped me a lot.  I get people that have no idea how to make a trade offer and that really bothers me more than the people that disappear.

[MikeysGrrrl]

I agree that people tend to get busy, I mean we all have lives outside the arena. I do know that depending on how your PM's are set up, you can easily miss PM's especially if you receive a lot of them.

I can certainly understand feeling hurt or frustrated when you can see that a PM has been read and the member is online regularly, yet you've not heard back from them. Sometimes it's difficult to not think the worst.

I myself personally would prefer that if a member did not want to do business with me, that they send a PM letting me know. I'm not saying state a reason and all that, but a simple "no thanks" goes a long way. I know that there are members who have stated that if they don't want to do business with you, they will ignore your PM's. It's hard to know who's ignoring and who's just plain busy.

I've also seen threads where sellers mention people backing out of deals, and how they would appreciate if people weren't speaking to several different sellers regarding the same items, since they feel that their time is being wasted.

So it's a really fine line, and sometimes it's a little difficult. I'll admit that I've been in the middle of deals with a few people who I was going to buy from, only to never hear back from them. I consider it their loss, either I'll purchase that item elsewhere or sell my item to someone else.

Try not to stress about it too much, or let it get the best of you. I really do believe that 9/10 the PM was missed on their end. I've even PM'd mods asking a question about something, only to receive a message a week or so later, expressing how sorry they were that my PM was missed or lost in the sea that is their inbox. I don't think the majority of members are ignoring anyone.

 

[Galactica]

Not saying that this is what has happened to you, but sometimes I have problems seeing a new PM, and I know others do too.

So if I'm doing a trade or something that isn't immediate, I exchange emails with the person, so that if somehow one or the other of us misses the PM, at least we can follow-up with an email.

[MikeysGrrrl]

Not saying that this is what has happened to you, but sometimes I have problems seeing a new PM, and I know others do too.

So if I'm doing a trade or something that isn't immediate, I exchange emails with the person, so that if somehow one or the other of us misses the PM, at least we can follow-up with an email.

Email is definitely a good way to go, it's hard to miss those

[tulagirl]

Not saying that this is what has happened to you, but sometimes I have problems seeing a new PM, and I know others do too.

So if I'm doing a trade or something that isn't immediate, I exchange emails with the person, so that if somehow one or the other of us misses the PM, at least we can follow-up with an email.

This is a great idea.

[sweetlittlejenny]

There are a few different settings for your PM box here. When I open my inbox only the most recent PM is opened. Not all of them. If that's an issue for you you may want to post in Sig and Site Support for directions on how to change the settings. I think it may have to do with the little arrows at the top but I'm not sure.

[MikeysGrrrl]

My PM's are set up the same as SweetLittleJenny's, only the most recent message opens, I had mine set up another way and that's when I noticed that I was missing a lot of PM's

[TinyShinyUnique]

I have the same settings on my PMs, but I'm not missing any, not really. I just answer to the first opened and then go onward to others...

I agree that sometimes it's the PM system, but mostly when that's the case, the people still get back to me, even if not immediately.

The email idea though is fantastic Thanks for that tip, it might be a better solution than the PM system in few cases

[Stormness_1]

I've been guilty of this! Not with you I don't think TSU, I'm pretty sure all our PM's were pretty immediate (from memory) but I have done it to other people!

I'm married, and like so many of us folk who live with a SO or children, sometimes they will insist that whatever they happen to be doing or looking at is soooo important, and must be witnessed AT ONCE. And so I'll be just about to hit reply, or halfway through typing a reply even, and I'll go off to see this seemingly terribly important 'thing', and end up coming back much later after a shower or dinner, or a cuppa or something that I found to do while I was away, and my computer will have gone to sleep, and I'll have forgotten about it and head off to bed. Several days later, when I've found time to be online again, I'll have read the message, so no notification, and will have thought I'd replied, especially as I'd thought of what I wanted to write, and in some cases partially typed it. Often I won't remember until I get a follow-up message, or I go looking through my sent folder for some reason.

It happens, and is the precise reason I have a sales/trade book, so that at any time when I have a 'ah crap' moment, I can check if I shipped an item or was waiting on something, or PM'd a buyer info about an item or whatever. It saves a lot of headaches during transactions, as even with tapatalk on my phone, I can't see my sent PM's! (So sorry about all the quoting, I do it for those who are also using the mobile app) But it does still happen pretty often in general PM's, or initial expressions of interest. They just get lost in the muddle sometimes, and unfortunately sometimes we just take a bit longer to get back to you!

[Sarahlacewing]

Personally, if I don't want to do business with someone, then it means I've had problems with them in the past and they are on my block list. It prevents them from contacting me through regular channels so it's pretty obvious to all concerned I am not interested.

[hilamb]

I would say it straight, and not make them wait without knowing it. Id rather be honest.

I do tough understand busy life, i have one. Two jobs and school sometimes makes it hard and i only come here in the morning usually, if i dont have a free day.

[NovelNerd]

Personally, if I don't want to do business with someone, then it means I've had problems with them in the past and they are on my block list. It prevents them from contacting me through regular channels so it's pretty obvious to all concerned I am not interested.

This, I block members I do not want to associate with.

My biggest issue is that I mostly check things from my phone, but it's hard for me to respond well. Them my times on the arena are so in and off adding in all the messages I do have I typically just don't realize I've missed a message. I would just say if you don't hear from them within a certain length of time move on to someone else. I try to give people 24 hours to respond, and I state in my sales that an item is not sold unless we have agreed on a price, and I receive payment within 48 hours. That's plenty of time. Don't feel bad we all forget stuff. I've never been mad at someone for selling something because I forgot to reply quickly enough. I know how that goes.

Lol, the only time I'm bothered is when I'm trying to work out a deal and someone Pm's me to make up my mind faster.