How old do i need to be to have a girlfriend?

[True]

This was the question put to my by my 10 year old son last night while I was quite focused on washing a mountain of neglected dishes. It definitely made me pause. Of course in my head I thought "not until you're in collage!" but as much as I wish I could prolong possible future heart break, I ground my teeth and ventured on with this new parenting adventure as best as any parent could hope, since these are the things they don't teach you. You can learn to cure illness and change diapers, not this.

SO I told him, there really isn't an AGE. Some people find love early, some people find it late, for me it wasn't until 10th grade lol. I encouraged him to wait as long as he could, because he was young and shouldn't have to worry about those types of things. After a lot more talking, I realized he seems more worried about it just because his class mates have or have been talking about girl/boyfriends. Of course I realize its a harmless thing at that age. Regardless he seems to look at it more as a duty, because some of his friends have done it too. I tried my best to encourage him that that was not the case at all. I also asked him who his girlfriend would be if he had one. I was not surprised to hear the name of his best friend since kindergarten. its funny though because iv actually thought, if he were to marry anyone in the future she would be great, because they just really get each other!
After that I tried to explain to him how it might be weird if they became boy and girlfriend and then broke it off, it might affect their friendship. Not that I expect things to be THAT serious in 4th grade lol but its still possible. He agreed that her friendship was very important to him, and he didnt want anything bad to happen to it.

I know this will be something that we continue to talk about, because even now im thinking "darn I should have told him this before I dropped him off at school."

Anyway, I put this here, not because I'm asking for parenting advice. (please respect me by not giving any)
But because I'm curious I guess, of when you first started thinking about this, or when you first fell in love, or just found a bf/gf because for me its not always "love" xD.

For me I first thought about it in 5th grade, So really I shouldn't be all that surprised that they're talking about it in 4th lol. I was not really interested, but I thought maybe id try just for the heck. Turns out I'm terrible at flirting and always have been haha. My parents never talked to me about this, but then again maybe I never asked? I was a weird kid and never wanted to trouble my parents, unlike my sister who gave them no end. xD
My first boyfriend like I said was in 10th grade. I still talk to him but I dont think I ever loved him like that. If anything he maybe kinda freaked me out. He started flirting with me in 7th grade while he was in 8th, then he went to highschool and i forgot about him, until I got there and finally in 10th it happened. He was much more into it then I was.

xD so those are my "firsts"

[kaoskat]

My mom said I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, but she ended up letting me at 15. I had my first actually boyfriend then, not counting the little "boyfriend" my bf and I shared in second grade (it was her idea) which seemed to translate to torturing only him on the playground. I think my first true crush was in 6th grade (11 years). I'd had little mini crushes before but looking back they were more because I wanted to be like my friends who were going on and on about boys than because I was actually into them. ......Though there was the who Christian Slater obsession I went through at around 10.

[Honeycomb]

I first fell in love when I was 12. It lasted till I was 16, unrequited. I was really unhappy during these years, but at least I was glad I could go to school every day just to see him (he was my classmate).

[UrocyonFox]

My parents always told me I wasn't allowed to date, which let me say as a rebel child only made me want to date more. Because I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend I searched for them and when I had boyfriends and girlfriends I hid them. I had my first boyfriend in 7th grade and I actually told my parents about him. I think it lasted a month or two. Then when HE broke it off I was just "heart broken". I had started dating my best girlfriend shortly after that and was madly in love with her. We dated secretly for a year and a half. I tried telling my parents in 8th grade and I remember my mom telling me it was not a "real" relationship. When my girl friend moved away I actually did take it pretty hard. So then started the cycle of jumping from relationship to relationship and never telling my parents. I saw it as they never wanted to talk about it when I asked them questinos so why do I want to offer up information. I congratulate you on actually talknig to your son and acknowledging his questions. My parents always had a don't ask don't tell policy, the only advice I was EVER given is "you're not allowed, don't do it. Stop talking about it." So looking back is probably why I just never told them anything. Ignoring questions does not make them go away (my parents sure seemed to think it would go that way) and only seemed to push me away from them. I remember having so many questions, questions a girl should be able to talk to her mom about and never got that bonding experience. I bounced from girlfriend to girlfriend to boyfriend, and had a really bad love for a best friend of mine. We also dated secretly because she did not want anyone to know which was hard when you want to express your love and not have to hide it.. She ended up getting pregnant (also cheating) and I remember being so heartbroken and having NO ONE to talk to  about it.  I still get choked up when I think about her. dated some crummy boys and finally met my husband. We started off friends and funny enough I talked to him about everything including all the relationship stuff I had wanted to talk to my parents about. He because my best friend. We eventually started dating and eventually got married. we have been happily married for 7...8? years now. My parents and I are not very close anymore, and I don't think they actually know that I am married (we didn't have a wedding just the courthouse legal goodness). But it saddens me. I'm so lucky that it worked out for me but it saddens me a little too. I feel like if my parents had just talked, had just listened to me, there would have been heartache and poor decisions that could have been avoided. Yes my situation worked out for the best, but it kills me to think of other people who go through the exact same thing and DON'T have a happy ending.
(Think I just spilled my life story here gooooossssss! ha ha)

Once again the fact that you actually talked to him, listened to him, and are taking an interest in all of this is just amazing, it shows that you really do care for him and want to be involved in his life. :3

gah! The more and more I read about ya the more and more awesome you are!

[True]

aw yeah xD kat I know what you mean... All of my friends were into boys. I think my closest friend and I kinda secretly competed to get that one boy i flirted with in 5th grade xD didnt work out for either of us and we quickly lost interest haha. But yea my main interests were backstreet boys, hanson brothers and JTT (omg that was such a long time ago!) xD

Honeycomb That probably would have made me like school a bit more as well, i dunno i never liked it at school, i think because i was teased a lot but i mostly ignored xD when I finally had a bf that i went to school with, it just made me skip school to be with him IN school o_o (he might not have been the best influence) xD

Post Merge: January 31, 2014, 07:46:21 AM

@UrocyonFox
Thats EXACTLY why I talk to him about everything. Im close to my mother, i mean i live with her since she cant be on her own. But she never really talked about this kinda of thing either. She had the "girl talk" with me which was basically what to do when your period starts and not to freak out. Otherwise i got all my information from my friends, or from books or teachers etc. My dad was the typical dad, the big scary guy who would clean his hunting rifles whenever a guy "FRIEND" would come over just so they wouldnt get the wrong idea. This litterally happened xD, my first boyfriend was terrified of him. But it all came down to a similar story. No one wanted to talk about it because it scared them i think? Being the oldest by two years, and a long standing "good girl" reputation, my parents pretty much let me do whatever I wanted and didnt really expect me to make bad choices. I think that pressured me a lot xD, its not that i wanted to make bad choices, but i dunno. They were also totally consumed with my sister who did everything in her power to break rules. Dont get me wrong I love my sister (now more then i did back then xD) Anyway it trained me to just not bother my parents with anything, I felt like they already had their hands full with her.

Anyway too long didnt read.. I dont want my son to feel like that, He might be an only child, and maybe it would be different if i had more kids, but Id like to think it wouldnt be? But I dont want him to feel like he cant ask me things. Thinking about him having a girlfriend IS terrifying o_o and i was SO close to falling into my parents footsteps and saying "youre too young to talk about this."

[Kitkumi]

I was that weird kid when I was young. I had childhood crushes start popping up when I was around 15 but I never pursued any of them. I realized that I was letting myself be influenced by the kids around me who did have girl/boy friends and that there was really no one that I felt was really for me. When I got to high school I was actually bullied over the fact that I didn't have a boyfriend or an interest in having one (amongst other things. I loathed high school lol). The bullying just made me feel that I was right and that everyone in school was a jerk and so my come back response to people was that I refused to date anyone until I was in college because everyone in high school was *insert some colorful language lol*. Ended up that I wasn't lying lol. At 19 I took my first college class and met a guy and we started dating. Since then we have been together just over 7 years and we got engaged last year So overall I think I was a late bloomer on the dating scene but I feel it led me to being able to find someone perfect for me. I feel really lucky because not only is he my fiance but he has also become my best friend, which I feel is important.

[Aadra310]

I was that weird kid when I was young. I had childhood crushes start popping up when I was around 15 but I never pursued any of them. I realized that I was letting myself be influenced by the kids around me who did have girl/boy friends...

Wait... I think I typed that paragraph!  That's EXACTLY my story!  Except, I started dating my now husband when I was 20.

TrueVampiress- I think you did good in talking to your son.  The only thing I would say is that the issue can be "serious" enough in the 4th grade that a ruined "romance" can end a good friendship.  That happened to me and my classmate that I adored so much.  We did everything together and we were "going out" although we never held hands or anything like that in the 4th grade!  I was devastated and humiliated when he started paling around with another girl and it completely ended our friendship.  I cried for weeks! 

I also think it's cool that your son asked you about this.  Says a lot about your relationship and the fact he feels comfortable bringing this stuff to you- that's just beyond awesome!
 

[melodys_angel]

10 is very early.  People would flip around here if you started before highschool.

It never really 'hit' me until college, but everyone is different and nothing should ever be forced upon.

[True]

I was that weird kid when I was young. I had childhood crushes start popping up when I was around 15 but I never pursued any of them. I realized that I was letting myself be influenced by the kids around me who did have girl/boy friends and that there was really no one that I felt was really for me. When I got to high school I was actually bullied over the fact that I didn't have a boyfriend or an interest in having one (amongst other things. I loathed high school lol). The bullying just made me feel that I was right and that everyone in school was a jerk and so my come back response to people was that I refused to date anyone until I was in college because everyone in high school was *insert some colorful language lol*. Ended up that I wasn't lying lol. At 19 I took my first college class and met a guy and we started dating. Since then we have been together just over 7 years and we got engaged last year So overall I think I was a late bloomer on the dating scene but I feel it led me to being able to find someone perfect for me. I feel really lucky because not only is he my fiance but he has also become my best friend, which I feel is important.

I love this story! and one thing you brought up is what I talked to him about this morning on the way to school. was the bullying. Bullying has ALWAYS been a big open topic for him and I. Again, I'm taking from my own experiences and I don't want that for him. Its really hard to know what to say to a kid who gets bullied honestly because its not THEIR fault so its not like you tell them, yeah ok well dont let it happen. Luckily my sons school is great about bullying, and he has a good group of friends, hes never mentioned being bullied before, so I can only hope that that's the case, but we talk about it so much, Id hope that he could tell me if he was. I know its a "mom thing to say" but I really am proud of him and just how he handles day to day things, hes very polite and open minded and soft hearted.

Post Merge: January 31, 2014, 10:53:12 AM

TrueVampiress- I think you did good in talking to your son.  The only thing I would say is that the issue can be "serious" enough in the 4th grade that a ruined "romance" can end a good friendship.  That happened to me and my classmate that I adored so much.  We did everything together and we were "going out" although we never held hands or anything like that in the 4th grade!  I was devastated and humiliated when he started paling around with another girl and it completely ended our friendship.  I cried for weeks! 

I also think it's cool that your son asked you about this.  Says a lot about your relationship and the fact he feels comfortable bringing this stuff to you- that's just beyond awesome!
 

THAT was literally the worry I tried to impress on him xD, maybe i worded it poorly because i tend to mash things all together when I write long bits. But yes, what I meant was "theyre only in 4th grade and its not very serious, but it CAN have serious side affects." Sorry if I was confusing. But yes, thats one thing I talked about the most, was how important his friendship with this girl is, and how he needs to treat this whole thing with a lot of serious thought before he says anything, because it would be devastating if anything terrible were to happen and they could no longer be friends, especially at such a young age.

[NoPonySpecial]

10 is very early.  People would flip around here if you started before highschool.

I agree 10 is early for having a boy/girlfriend. However, it's about right for when kids start thinking about things like that. Of course, I started getting crushes in the third grade! Never had a boyfriend until college, though. It must not have been that important to me; I mean, I wanted love, but having a BF or GF is a lot of responsibility, a lot of sharing one's life, and I just wasn't interested in sharing that much of me at the time.

[Koudoawaia]

Every year of elementary school, starting with kindergarten, I'd pick a boy to be my boyfriend whether he knew it, wanted to be or not. Lol, kids.

[True]

Every year of elementary school, starting with kindergarten, I'd pick a boy to be my boyfriend whether he knew it, wanted to be or not. Lol, kids.

xD this reminds me of my sister

[Rosencrantz]

My mom used to insist me and my sister weren't allowed to date until we were adults, but when I actually started going out with people when I was a teenager, she didn't raise a peep.

However, it was around age twenty I realized I didn't want to date anyone at all, which explained why I only felt vaguely irritated when the people I'd date wanted to spend more time with me, and why everyone had to initiate it with me.

For the longest time I thought it was because my first boyfriend had been a jerk (he'd been nice to me, but not my friends) but wanting to be with someone never... really happened.

[ZennaBug]

That's an interesting question!

I had my first crush in 3rd grade and had a handful more until I fell pretty hard for a classmate in 6th grade.  I had a big thing for him until he kind of became a jerk a couple years later when he started hanging out with the "cool kids."

My parents told me I couldn't date until I was 16, though looking back it was probably more just tongue-in-cheek than an actual rule.  Still, my first boyfriend was the summer after 8th grade and all of my freshman year of high school.  It was pretty innocent still, as we were both too nervous to even kiss!    I was heartbroken when he broke up with me, but we're actually good friends now and my husband and I have dinner with him and his wife semi-regularly, as they are both gluten-free as well and are excellent cooks.

I started dating my husband about 6 months after the first guy broke up with me.  I was a sophomore in high school, so I was 15.  I actually didn't tell my parents for months, for fear of the "no dating until you're 16 rule."    We were in band together (he was a drummer and I play oboe) and he'd asked me out a year previously, but I had still been dating my ex at the time and said no, lol.  Second time was the charm!  We just celebrated our 10th anniversary in December and have been married for 2 and 1/2 years.    We invited several of our high school teachers to the wedding, but only our band teacher came.

I think for me, 10 is a bit too young to have a boyfriend or girlfriend.  And it was weird trying to date without being able to drive.  But obviously the set age rule didn't work very well for me.

[BlackCurtains]

Hmm, this topic really made me think about it!

I had a major crush in third grade but didn't go on a real date until 7th. We went to the movies and out for pizza We stayed friends but it didn't really develop. I did meet my first true boyfriend in 7th grade though after. He was in 9th grade and we met proper at a school dance. What a whirlwind We're still very good friends to this day. I'm not interested in having a relationship and he's been with his girlfriend for like 6 years or so. But we still have a special bond, being each others first loves