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I think that if you look at the sent messages in you sent folder there is a little envelope icon , if the envelope is sealed then it is unread, if it is open then it has been read,you can also look at her profile page and see when she was last active
If you continue to have problems you can pm a mod or make a "seeking this user" board in trader support. Maybe they will have her email address or a friend of theirs will see it and let them know you are looking for them. How long has it been since you made the payment, also was the shipping domestic or international? A lack of communication is always concerning but hang in there!