How Soon is Too Soon to Say, "I Love You?"

[Cumberbatch2012]

How long should a person wait in a relationship to say, "I love you?"  I do, and I want to tell him, but I don't want him to think it's too soon.  I had a guy do that 2 years ago and it ended the relationship on the spot (the guy was a jerk).  The guy I'm with now is wonderful, but I want to do everything right.  We've been seeing each other for almost a month.  Should I just wait for him to say it first?  One problem with that is I don't want to wait too long and make him think I don't love him….hmmmm…. 

[xeevee]

I don't know if there is a too soon, exactly.  You could say it on the first day.  It may not be true, but you could also still be together for the rest of your life.  I think any relationship is just a thing that is different every day you're in one. 

But having said that, not quite a month seems very soon.  Very soon to even be thinking you are in love.  I'm not you, and I don't want to be all mum lecturing you, but from personal experience, the first month is all getting swept up in newness.  I'd wait at least another month.

I told my hubby I loved him at around 3 months.  That just felt like the right time to me.  It wasn't planned, it was spontaneous.  And we've now been together for over 15 years.

[CrystalSnowflake]

Here is my opinion so take it for what it's worth.

I think love is not only saying it but more about showing it. Being generous, kind and doing things to show you care about them.
I would say to do some true soul searching and really decide if you think you would want to be with him forever.
If the answer is yes then why wait?
If you do want to wait for a good time then pick some time when he does something especially nice for you or is showing he really cares for you.
Pick a time that he does something that makes you think " I really do love this guy".
Either he will appreciate the affection or he will not.
In either case you will know what you mean to him. In the end that is what you want.

If you have only been dating for a few months I would say it's too soon.
I think it is most appropriate after you have seen him at his best and some of his worst.
That is usually after a few months of spending a significant amount of time together.

My best advice is find someone that you would feel comfortable telling them absolutely anything.
It will make it so much easier to get through the hard times if you can tell them what you really think and feel.
It has served me well in my 6 years of marriage.



I hope you find someone that will love you for you!

[kaoskat]

I'm one who is very much for telling people how you feel when you feel it. I have no desire to ever look back on my life and wish I'd said or done something before *insert terrible thing here* happened and I didn't have a chance. As of yet I have never regretted telling someone I cared for them, even if those feelings change later. Because no matter what happens at least I know I told them my thoughts and feelings honestly at the time. I think alot of people end up walking around feeling unwanted and lonely when there are alot of people who care for them but no one ever bothers to say anything or they are too afraid of what the other person will think. I want the people in my life to know how I feel about them. I never want anyone to doubt I care. Every relationship and every person is different of course, but that is how things work for me. I should probably add this too though, if you are really worried it could hurt your relationship because it's "too soon". Maybe when you tell him, don't make a big deal of it. Don't wait expectantly for a response or feel bad if it isn't instantly returned. If you don't make him feel like he has to return the feelings or even respond at all, then he won't feel under pressure and things should be fine. And he will know how you feel. He should be free to be able to tell you the same when he is ready, even if it isn't right now, without feeling pressured to say it early. And who knows, he could be sitting at home wondering the exact same thing.

[Karma]

For me it's hard to describe, but I'll try: Say I love you when it would hurt to know you never said it.

[MikeysGrrrl]

I'm one who is very much for telling people how you feel when you feel it. I have no desire to ever look back on my life and wish I'd said or done something before *insert terrible thing here* happened and I didn't have a chance. As of yet I have never regretted telling someone I cared for them, even if those feelings change later. Because no matter what happens at least I know I told them my thoughts and feelings honestly at the time. I think alot of people end up walking around feeling unwanted and lonely when there are alot of people who care for them but no one ever bothers to say anything or they are too afraid of what the other person will think. I want the people in my life to know how I feel about them. I never want anyone to doubt I care. Every relationship and every person is different of course, but that is how things work for me. I should probably add this too though, if you are really worried it could hurt your relationship because it's "too soon". Maybe when you tell him, don't make a big deal of it. Don't wait expectantly for a response or feel bad if it isn't instantly returned. If you don't make him feel like he has to return the feelings or even respond at all, then he won't feel under pressure and things should be fine. And he will know how you feel. He should be free to be able to tell you the same when he is ready, even if it isn't right now, without feeling pressured to say it early. And who knows, he could be sitting at home wondering the exact same thing.

I couldn't agree more. Life is too short to hold your feelings inside.
If telling him your feelings makes him end things, he wasn't the one for you. Like Kaoskat said, try to keep it light with no pressure for him to say it in return.

[Rainbowrific Renia]

If you wait for him to say it first, he may never say it.  Some guys are just like that.  When I was dating my boyfriend (now fiance) I was the one who initiated the relationship, I initiated our first kiss, and I said "I love you" first.  He later admitted that he was just nervous to do all of those things first, and was actually happy I took the first steps.

I'm not saying it'll always work out for the best, but from my personal experience, saying and doing what I felt, when I felt it, tended to work out in my favor.    Been together for almost 9 years now and there has never been a doubt in my mind that he doesn't love me as much as I love him.

"Too soon" is relative.  Some people feel these things before others, and no one can tell you if you're right or wrong, so he may not even feel that same way.  You'll never know until you say it! 

I do hope that things work out for the best for you two!

[Cumberbatch2012]

Thanks for the advice everybody!  It really IS helpful, all of it.  I guess I'll just stop stressing over it and let it happen naturally.    When we're together he definitely doesn't show anything that would make me think he DOESN'T.

[Loa]

I'm one who is very much for telling people how you feel when you feel it. I have no desire to ever look back on my life and wish I'd said or done something before *insert terrible thing here* happened and I didn't have a chance. As of yet I have never regretted telling someone I cared for them, even if those feelings change later. Because no matter what happens at least I know I told them my thoughts and feelings honestly at the time. I think alot of people end up walking around feeling unwanted and lonely when there are alot of people who care for them but no one ever bothers to say anything or they are too afraid of what the other person will think. I want the people in my life to know how I feel about them. I never want anyone to doubt I care. Every relationship and every person is different of course, but that is how things work for me. I should probably add this too though, if you are really worried it could hurt your relationship because it's "too soon". Maybe when you tell him, don't make a big deal of it. Don't wait expectantly for a response or feel bad if it isn't instantly returned. If you don't make him feel like he has to return the feelings or even respond at all, then he won't feel under pressure and things should be fine. And he will know how you feel. He should be free to be able to tell you the same when he is ready, even if it isn't right now, without feeling pressured to say it early. And who knows, he could be sitting at home wondering the exact same thing.

I LOVE YOU KAT!

[kaoskat]

AND I LOVE YOU TO ABSOLUTE BITS LOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Skeen]

For me it's hard to describe, but I'll try: Say I love you when it would hurt to know you never said it.

Perfect!