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I have a little calendar by my desk that I keep track of purchases from other countries. It helps me keep track of that 45 day time limit to open a claim if needed. I had to start doing it because I like you would simply forget because of longer shipping times. I know that doesn't help now but perhaps you could try it in the future so you do not have to all together quit buying from Chinese sellers.
Usually sellers are very understanding if you file a claim even if it's a long shipping window. I've had to do it once or twice and always just let the seller know I'm filing to cover my bases and will close the case once the item arrives.
If it has been 43 days and no item- I will open a dispute. The seller can post tracking info or say that it is on its way. You can also then give the seller as much time as they need for the item to arrive in the mail- but buy at least opening the dispute (and be careful not to close it) you won't lose your chance to open a case way later on.
I would also add that yes, shipping from china can take a long time, but I have never had an item arrive outside of the 45 days.
So I would say don't discount Chinese sellers altogether, but weigh your options and only order if you really want the item, and be prepared for some extra hassle that might come up.
Does ebay have a way of helping buyers in this case, when sellers just close up shop and vanish with open orders waiting? If you contacted ebay, would they possibly reimburse you...?