My dreams.

[Sonata]

I've been struggling to find out where I belong in the world for quite some time. I love to draw cute things and for a while I though I would like to pursue animation as a career. I gave a shot at illustration too, but I learned that I lack a lot of knowledge in that area, so I let it go. However, I think animation is a dead end to me as I would be competing against people who are much, much better than me, have a lot more experience and have had support and networking to get there. I have nothing of that - I might have talent, but that won't get me a job. As much as I could practice, I just don't "feel" it. I feel that, even though I could be a lot better at it if I practiced, I wouldn't be happy doing it.

For a while, I felt demotivated to do anything - I felt lost. I am nearly independent because of my part-time job, but everyday I got home from work I just didn't want to do animation/illustration or anything related to that. The more I worked, the more I would feel attracted to some of the things we sold at my job - particularly some plushies that an independent illustrator had started making, which evolved into a business. It got me thinking even harder on what I wanted from my life. I realized I wanted to try making just a small plushie, considering I love soft toys ever since, well... ever.

The satisfaction I got from it was something I never felt before - not even with animation. I took a long while to make it and learned a lot with it. Although it turned out the simplest of things, what I felt was something I had never felt before - I felt like I needed more of it. I felt like I belonged doing  that, I felt like I had done that since forever. When everything else had failed to bring satisfaction to me before, this had proved to be the thing I was looking for (or at least I think it is).

This happened at the end of last year or so. Since then, I tried making clothing for FS ponies and MH dolls, to practice sewing. Although I haven't sold much ever since, the response I've been getting from Etsy has been amazing. My views had gone sky-high comparing to what I had before and I have favorites pretty much everyday. The look I get from the things I make is almost professional, even considering it's all sewn by hand.

I had never done this before, but it feels so right.

I feel like I should give this a shot. For real. I am still a bit afraid of the decision I am making, but at the same time I am excited and willing to try. I want to get out of my confort zone and learn this new thing that turned out to feel just right. I don't have anything to lose, afterall.

My boyfriend is completely supportive of me just doing what makes me happy. I have broken down on him a lot of times - too many times. I have hidden this from my family, as they have problems of their own and struggle with keeping living abroad. I have pressured myself to continue doing what I said I would do to everyone else, pilling on with the projects and feeling like I get nowhere. I have felt terrible to the point of just wanting to quit it all. But the fact that I have support from a lot of people kept me going. Now, it's different. I am scared, but it's the good kind of scared - I'm excited and I want to take the risk. I want to put everything else on hold - even if just for a bit - and try making it work.

I will not quit on animation, illustration or anything else I like doing. I just want to pursue what makes me happy - once and for all, without feeling guilty. One step at a time, slowly but steadily.

And, who knows where it might lead me?

__

I just wanted to post this here because I needed to let this out. I can't possibly talk about this with my family yet as it doesn't feel right. Not yet, at least. My boyfriend knows first hand how lost I've been feeling, so he knows about all this. But I just needed to let this out somewhere else, even if just to read it in my head. Maybe it will give courage to someone else to pursue their dreams and be happy

[Eviecorn]

I'm glad you're finding this kind of satisfaction.  It must be awesome.

[melodys_angel]

Go where your heart tells you to go, hun.  Im sure they will understand <3

[lovesbabysquirmy]

We look forward to seeing your successful business thrive!

[kaoskat]

Best of luck! I'm sure your family will understand! They just want you to be happy I'm sure!

[Stormness_1]

Glad to hear that you've had such a breakthrough.. congrats, and go for it!!

[Domingo]

Fantastic! Congratulations on getting your cutie mark

[Sonata]

Thank you so much everyone ! I feel so excited for this !!

[Sukeile]

That is so wonderful!
You sound like you have a lot of passion, I belive you can do it, just keep going in the direction your heart tells you.
Your artistic spirit led you into art in the first place, and you are just taking it to another level now.
It's not really such a drastic change I don't think, you can still use the knowledge you have from drawing and put it into your designing and sewing.
Go for it!

[Sonata]

That is so wonderful!
You sound like you have a lot of passion, I belive you can do it, just keep going in the direction your heart tells you.
Your artistic spirit led you into art in the first place, and you are just taking it to another level now.
It's not really such a drastic change I don't think, you can still use the knowledge you have from drawing and put it into your designing and sewing.
Go for it!

´

That is exactly what I want to do ! Make illustrations come to life in plush form ! It's gonna take me a while to get there, but I believe I can do it