The MLP Arena
TCB => Trader & Shipping Support => Topic started by: Sarah-Bee on July 18, 2016, 07:32:20 AM
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*** Possible trigger warning: mental health and abuse - no major detail, however ***
Hi everyone
I took the plunge in January and quit 'the day job' to do my pony sales full-time and to say I've had a rough time since then would be an understatement.
I wanted to make this post to explain a few things because I have not been on form and that is NOT how I like to operate.
All of my buyers and potential buyers have been utterly amazing. The level of support I've received from people who were total strangers to begin with has blown me away. I now have some new friends and for that I am eternally grateful.
I'm going to keep this brief and to the point (please heed the trigger warning if you are vulnerable etc):
Was in abusive marriage for 10 years, with him for 12 years total. Mostly emotional/ psychological abuse, some physical, some... 'other'
Left him Feb 2015 and did great for a long time, was ecstatic to be out of it and was dealing phenomenally
January 2016 - New Years - it hit. Long story short, was in same place I used to go with him each NY and it was a major trigger
Huge depression
Weird stuff started to happen; again long story short it turns out the anxiety I had constantly while with him was masking Bipolar Disorder but I didn't know that until roughly May this year
Jan-May I was up and down, among other things, without knowing what on earth was going on
Diagnosis - relieved - coping with it now I knew what was going on
However, major event (unrelated) at start of June that I'd been 'preparing for' since February caused massive stress, that led to physical illness, huge drop in body weight, wasn't sleeping or eating properly.
Predicted once it was over I'd "crash and burn" which I did. Expected a week or two - I just came back out of that THIS WEEKEND
In the meantime have only been able to work sporadically and had another bereavement in the family (first was Grandma in Feb - expected). This was cousin, cancer, expected but NOT YET. Huge shock. I was a wreck.
Funeral was Friday and I now have closure and feel more like myself than I have in months.
I feel able to work properly now rather than having to force myself to do so because I'd completely ran out of money. I will be operating to my usual standards now and when times get hard with the bipolar I have people on hand to get me through it and that includes keeping my work up to standard.
So, that's it. But I'm back now. I've thought that at several points and I've been wrong but this feels very different, I'm pleased to say.
I had to explain that for me because I haven't been on form and my working standards have been sub-par to say the least and that IS NOT how I like to operate.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone who has been there for me, been patient with me and helped me. I love you all, you are angels.
I have a little catch-up to play with regards my current sales, which are mostly on my Facebook page and three to finalise here which I anticipate to be all up to date by mid-week this week.
Thank you again. This community is amazing, it is my pony home and it contains some of the most wonderful people I've ever had the honour of knowing.
Sarah x
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So glad you're starting to feel better my dear one.
Giant *hugs* :* :*
Love Jules xx
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Dear Sarah,
thank you very much for the open words!
I wish you all the best on your way to happieness and health. Please enjoy life again with all it's ups and downs and don't feel sorry for not being 100% perfect. It's okay. I never met a better and friendlier ebayer- so thank you again, some of your ponies found a new home here in my herd. :)
Best wishes
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Awww, wishing you all the very best. :hug: Glad to hear you are starting to feel better, here's hoping you are back on the mend, go easy and don't be too hard on yourself, sounds like you've had a LOT to be dealing with. Big hugs xx
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many many many bigggg hugs to you my ponyfriend :lovey: :lovey: :lovey:
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Big hugs to you. I can relate having gone through a major depression last year that took me 8 months to finally get help for. I feel so much better now. It's like I'm a brand new person. Mental illness is a horrible disease as there is so much stigma attached and not enough resources for people. I wish you the best and if you ever need to talk I am here for you :hug:
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If you ever need to talk, I'm here (I'm not on fb at the moment though, so a PM here is the best way to find me). Depression and Anxiety is my current situation, along with enough Hyper-somnia to keep me nice and exhausted! I'm still bouncing around after my mother's death early last year. I tend to operate in cycles (or spirals, as I call them) and noticed two days ago that I was on the defensive, and customers were offending me and getting on my nerves, so I'm approaching what I call the 'danger zone' which is when I'm likely to start having anxiety attacks, bouts of unexplainable tears, and thinking about why my life is even necessary. If a danger zone hits at the same time as PMS, I get pretty scared, because that's where suicide becomes a viable option. I try to be alone as little as possible, which isn't easy with my work schedule. Mental illness is not an easy thing to deal with, and sudden shocks make it far worse, so hang in there!
Know that here you are surrounded by those who both care and understand, and that at least someone here is usually available most of the day and night, someplace in the world. You are a valued member of our community, and have contributed so much to this place. Knowing what's going on with you is half the battle, so I'm glad to hear that you feel good right now. Hang on to it and embrace it, it's more than worth it!
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Oh Honey, I had no idea. I hope you are getting better. You are such a wonderful person. Huge hugs!
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Big hugs from me too
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I'm so sorry to hear about you having to suffer through so much back to back. Glad you are doing better and have a plan in place with people to help you. You're always welcome to pm me if you need to vent or talk. I'm diagnosed as big-polar among other things. It's been a long 23 years. Please, really, feel free to vent anytime. My condolences on your losses. Even if you expect them, it still hurts to lose a loved one. I'm glad you're back. :) stay well!
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*massive hugs* :hug: :deathhug: :hug: wow you've been dealing with some tough times! that was very brave of you to open up by posting about it here too :hug:
I'm so sorry that you've had so many bad things happen and that things have been so rough for you :sad: You're doing really well - especially considering that any one of those things on its own would be hard enough to cope with! I'm glad you got things sorted and that you're starting to feel better :hug: thank you for posting :heart:
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Glad you are back! *hugs*
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Big hugs, Sarah <3 that all sounds like hell :/ it took a trauma for me to find out I had Bipolar, myself. It's not a fun reality to wake up to, but you're right about it being a relief when you finally know what's going on. I can relate to other parts of your story as well, but this isn't the time for me to share all that. Good luck to you and all your future endeavors :) may life take it easy on you, dear <3 I've always really liked you!
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Big hugs to you, darling. Let me know if I can do anything for you. You can haz kitteh pics! :D
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Aww hun, I've seen your FB I know you've had a rough time lately. I am sure your customers will understand and keep coming back - I know I will if my wallet ever stops emptying after day 6 of payday!!
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Really sorry about everything you had to go through. I have bipolar disorder as well so I totally understand. If you ever need someone to vent to who understands, feel free to send me a message.
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:tackleglomp:
Xxx. Onwards and upwards from now! Xxx
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Thats very nice to hear, I also got my parcel today. It's been packed so very sweet that I have to post a picture here.
I'm in awe with the ponies, thank you so much and also a big, big thank you for the nice extra. :hug: :heart:
Will send a PM as well. ^.^
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Thank you guys. You're all amazing and I love you so much.
Unfortunately I've been hit with a pretty horrid sinus thing (ongoing since April) so I haven't quite gotten to where I intended but I WILL NOT GIVE UP. No way.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart xxx
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Have already PM'd Sarah, but posting on here too, my parcel arrived safe and sound. Sarah will always come good on her word (even if it takes a little while due to her health issues) Will definitely buy from her again!
Jules x
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Thank you guys, you're wonderful :heart: :hug:
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aww dear, I'm so sorry you're having such hard times! :hug: I'm wishing you all the best, and as soon as possible ^^
altough I'm not currently in an open transaction with Sarah, I just wanted to add that I have got to know her as an honest seller and helpful fellow pony lover in the past. I've bought from her and she's also helped me get UK-only items in the past, and all the transactions we've had went super smoothly, I would happily buy from her again in the future :)
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Hey guys :heart:
I haven't looked at last few posts since last I checked; I daren't to be honest.
I'm having a rough time, more than before. I have the help I said I have but they work full time and have a lot to do to help me in general so frankly I haven't told them much about work/sales.
Every time I feel OK something happens to make me not feel ok. Every time I think I've hit bottom there's another thing so I'm not exactly sure where 'bottom' is. I just know it keeps moving so I've had to say **** you, I'm going to beat this and you aren't going to win.
But it's hard. Some days I get up and I'm great and I get all sorts done; then I get up, feel ok but then it goes to hell; or I get up and feel so overwhelmed by everything that's built up and back logged that I just go back to bed all day.
I'm going to be blunt. I struggle to care for myself and my home. If I were alone I literally don't know what I'd do. I'm 33 years old and I have to be told when to eat a meal. I used to be so on top of everything and organised and this is just alien and insane.
I'm behind with everything; looking after me, home, work. I can't say just how so so sorry I am for anyone dealing with my sales now just how much it's killing me that I can't just sort it right now. But I WILL AND I ALWAYS DO. I WILL NEVER GIVE UP. please forgive me and allow me to make it right. I'm so sorry.
I love this community and you're all amazing and I'm so sorry xxxx
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Poor thing, I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.
Know that things will get better eventually, just stay strong and don't forget to reach out to your support!
Sending pony hugs!
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Thank you. I came here because I inow the people are amazing but honestly Hun, I'm in bits. I've got so many people (completely, understandably) chasing me for stuff that I daren't check email or Facebook because it will send me backwards but I know I need to communicate. I don't know what to do for the best. I want to do right by everyone I'm involved with. I want to heal myself. It's all conflicting.
I wish there was a reset button
Post Merge: September 09, 2016, 03:09:07 PM
I just want everyone I'm dealing with for sales to see this so they know I'm not just flaking. It's not acceptable in terms of business but it's not just that I don't care. I do. I really do. But I want to make it right so much x
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Hope you feel better soon.
I suffer from anxiety and severe depression and I know how hard it is to work your way back to a healthy place. And just thinking about it makes it seem too big a problem, like a giant staircase and starts an anxiety attack. Just concentrate on the first step and don't look at all the steps. Set yourself one small goal each day (like remembering when to eat) but if you don't reach that goal its ok. You can try again tomorrow. And its ok to fall back a few steps, its going to happen. The important thing is that you don't give up. This is really silly but when I feel like `im going backwards I close my eyes,take a deep breath, think of Dory and tell myself "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming"
Are you seeing a counsilor/psychiatrist?
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Epona's advice is awesome.
I'm not bipolar but autistic, and there are swings and roundabouts with that too as numerous members on here have posted about in the past.
I've also bought from you (my gorgeous greek Medley who my sister wants to steal often) and it was a transaction worth waiting for. I'm sorry you were going through so much at the time it happened, but the reality is, while we all want our ponies fast, we don't NEED them fast. You, on the other hand NEED to make sure you take care of yourself before you take care of other people.
Maybe you could get your friend/support/help person to go through the emails and contact people on your behalf (if you trust them enough?) Perhaps create an email mailing list explaining you are in poor health (details not needed) and you will be back as soon as you can be.
Maybe also with your business organise the people you still have transactions with into a list depending on their order of contacting you/paying and process one order each day. Again maybe you can get someone to help you with taking them to the post office or checking the printing.
I don't have your same experiences but I do know that when you are very stressed out minor things become major and everything becomes a bit of a blur. (Case in point, I've been up since 4 because I'm moving across London today and though everything is done and FINE I am still not. Brain goes into overdrive, starts picking holes you didn't know were there and its an effort to rein them in, especially when your conscious will is not necessarily a match for your unconscious one).
But taking it a bit at a time and accomplishing a small feat each day helps.
When I have a bad meltdown with my ASD, one that goes on a long time rather than just a few hours, I tend to start by writing a list of everything I have to do. I also try and make a note of something I do each day that is a positive thing, no matter how small. And, finally, if I achieve those small goals through the week, at the end of the week I buy myself a treat. That can be something tiny like a chocolate bar or something like that. But just rewarding the good actions has an amazing effect on the negative cloud. It's kind of a deal between you and yourself that yes, you are having a bad time, but you are still getting stuff done and still deserve to be treated nicely. If money is an issue or spending it makes you more stressed when you're feeling down, it doesn't have to be a bought treat. It can be a recorded TV show you want to watch treat, or taking a walk somewhere peaceful treat...whatever it is that is appropriate at the time.
It's easy to make things harder on yourself by feeling guilty and thus thinking you don't deserve x or y or punishing yourself without realising. Just take it slowly and one step at a time.
Japanese have a saying - a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step ;) It doesn't matter how small the step or how many circles you go in or if you lose your way for a bit. In the end, that's part of the journey.
Another really important thing is that you are talking about it. Whether to us, to your friends, you are opening up and accepting that situation exists and requires support. That is actually really hard to do. I'm phenomenally bad at it, probably thanks to ASD being communication related, so I admire you for being able to be so frank and honest. It doesn't win the battle, but it does acknowledge a battle is being fought, and that has to happen before it can be won.
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I am bipolar and have OCD and clinical depression. I am also going through a bit of postpartum with feeling withdrawn and antisocial. The biggest hurdle for me was to admit I am bipolar and to accept that I was not healthy and needed help. Sounds like you are there as well. What some people don't understand is that there is no cure for mental disorders and nor is it simple and realistic just to snap out of it. Feel proud that you have not given up and recognize you are not healthy and that what you are feeling is not ok. You deserve better and some days the fight is easy and others it is an accomplishment to get out of bed or to not roll over and give up. Set backs are a part of life with anyone but they do not indicate failure. You may not be where you want not feel the best, but you are not alone and tomorrow can always be better. Just keep trying. That is in your power and control.
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Hi guys
I’m here
I’m writing this offline to copy/paste into the thread because my internet keeps kicking me off so as yet I haven’t read any replies to the thread but I will as soon as I can.
I’ve come to apologise yet again and to update.
I’ve been really poorly, please see my previous posts in this thread and I’ve not been able to get things done. The more I haven’t got them done the worse I’ve gotten and it’s been horrible.
I can’t say sorry enough to anyone and everyone this has affected – I am so so sorry.
On Sunday I parcelled everything up with a view to taking them on Monday. Something really stressful happened Monday and it knocked me back a lot.
I’ve just taken them now. Everything except for things paid for last week have been sent, from all selling platforms (here, Facebook, eBay).
Another issue I had with sending is the cases that were open (not complaining about that at all, I totally understand) held my funds in PayPal so I didn’t have the means to send them all.
I’m so sorry.
I don’t yet know if there have been any cases closed by eBay that have refunded anyone but those ponies have been sent too because I will follow up on my promises. I wish it hadn’t taken so long and if I could take it back and try again and I would in a heartbeat.
My heart is in my mouth as I’m writing this but I’m relieved I’m finally able to update.
I’m going to send a quick message to everyone with a link to this thread so they can see. Once you’ve read it please message me here, Facebook or eBay with anything I can do to help to make it right and I will reply to all new messages individually rather than send a generic message.
Anything that was paid for after roughly this time last week I will be packing up to send as soon as I have finished this.
Once again I am so so sorry and I will come through on all of this and endeavour to never let it happen again. I’m still healing so please bear with me, I will get it all sorted for you all.
Sarah xx
(I’m sorry )
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Poor thing- just take it one bit at a time, one step at a time, if you have to send refunds because your sales overwhelmed you, no big deal, the people will get their money or their ponies, right?
I get overwhelmed with just 5 or 6 things selling at once, so these days I just do one or two at a time-
Take a step back, take a deep breath, communication is a good idea too-
HUGS!
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I'm so sorry you have to go through such a difficult period. Wouldn't it make it easier for you if you temporarily stop selling? That way you can arrange everything and start again bit by bit (as much as you can handle at that moment).
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I'm so sorry you have to go through such a difficult period. Wouldn't it make it easier for you if you temporarily stop selling? That way you can arrange everything and start again bit by bit (as much as you can handle at that moment).
It would my dear and I absolutely agree but unfortunately it's my only source of income at the moment so I have no choice but to try to continue.
HOWEVER, I'm here with another update to say EVERYTHING has now been sent. Including everything I mentioned from last week and the items that ended on Sunday just gone.
Most things have been sent via recorded mail so I have tracking numbers which I am about to put on eBay for the people who have bought from me there and one on a PayPal case that is open. There were only a couple from the sales that ended on Sunday that I sent via regular mail (no tracking number) because I didn't have the funds so chose the ones that ended latest to go regular mail (still fully insured) so I could get them all sent out.
As I said I'm going to update with tracking numbers now and if any of my buyers needs anything from me please just message me. I'm checking all messages right after I've done the tracking number thing.
Lastly, thank you so so much for your support. This community is amazing and I love you all to bits :heart:
Sarah x
Post Merge: September 15, 2016, 05:13:29 AM
I'm happy (and relieved beyond compare!!!!) to update to say I am now completely up-to-date.
All parcels sent; all messages replied to and some people have started to receive the ones I sent yesterday :heart:
If I have missed anything please don't hesitate to message me and if there is anything I can do for any of you again don't hesitate to message me.
Thank you again to everyone here for your care and support. It means such a lot :heart:
Sarah xx
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Oh you are already up to date? Good for you! You couldn't have been that far behind then-
One thing I've noticed about the "email age" is that people who send emails and messages these days- expect an IMMEDIATE response. Like if they don't get an email back within minutes or hours of sending one to you- they freak out completely.
I hate that.
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Good to see you are getting back on track :heart:
If you are going to UK Ponycon, I'll have to find you and give you a big hug xx
:hug: :tackleglomp:
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Good to see you are getting back on track :heart:
If you are going to UK Ponycon, I'll have to find you and give you a big hug xx
:hug: :tackleglomp:
I am my lovely, I have a stall this year. Please come and hug me!!! :hug: xxx