Visit from my colleague and spoiled granddaughter wanted to play with my ponys!

[frizzycat]

It seems what i said created a little debate, so i'll precise what i think.I'm not saying we should give a Rapunzel to the first child that enters our room.I'm just saying that i think that if you know the child and know she is careful, completely forbid her to touch any ponies (even the ones that aren't even slightly rare) will do more bad than good.But when i let children play with my ponies i always watch them to prevent anything going wrong.

I work with kids, and I quite like them. That said, I disagree. I can't see that telling a child you know that some of your things are off limits be detrimental to them. Perhaps the key lies in the wording. Rather than saying, "You can't touch them, you might break them" saying something like "These are very special things and are just for looking at" would make the child feel less like you are judging THEM and more that those ponies are super special and need to be treated with respect.

Children need to learn to respect the belongings and boundaries of other people. Letting children have something just because 'it's a toy and toys are made for kids' does more harm than good. They are not learning to treat the belongings of others with respect. A lot of the kids I work with will recognise that they do not have the right to take a toy belonging to another child when the other child says, "No". Why would reinforcing those same boundaries change when the other person is an adult?

[FantasticFirefly]

And all the while that vile man my sister shared her life with would use the Excuse "But Rose they ARE TOYS.. they ARE made to be played with".
Maybe they are... but these children were violently destructive.

Roseprincess1. No, they belonged to you. So they are whatever YOU say they are.

Children need to learn to respect the belongings and boundaries of other people. Letting children have something just because 'it's a toy and toys are made for kids' does more harm than good. They are not learning to treat the belongings of others with respect. A lot of the kids I work with will recognise that they do not have the right to take a toy belonging to another child when the other child says, "No". Why would reinforcing those same boundaries change when the other person is an adult?

Exactly. Having things that are off limits, and looking not touching (Skeen's melody is brilliantly clever! and a great way for teaching that concept to littles) does help children learn my things, your things, I have rules for my things, you have rules for your things.

The kids who are indulged and feel entitled to all their whims are being disabled by their parents. Those poor kids will be the ones NOBODY wants at their child's birthday party because the last party they were invited to they broke a present and made the birthday girl cry, for a sleepover, for a visit. And, knowing two people very very well raised this way it's stunted them in adulthood. (funny, both were the baby sibling that got free rein of the eldest siblings things to ruin or break without consequence) They are unable keep friends, those are temporary until those friends realize they keep being used and leave. They don't consider the boundaries or feelings of other people. everything is about how it affects them. It's created employment issues for both. Both see no problem "borrowing" something and losing it, damaging it etc. it will not be replaced. and money "borrowed" well, that was a gift right? that will never be repaid. They only do or attend events that have something in it for them, yet demand others to do what they want, when they want it. It's rather sad, and they're both unhappy often.

Now. in the toy collecting world- there's been a couple folks who HAVE gone the other extreme. Their collection is claimed to belong to the child, in the child's room, more items are added to the child's Christmas list for friends/family to buy, the kids are used at toy-shows to try and get better prices from vendors. but all those things are locked up out of reach and really it's the collection (and passion) of either mom or dad. go there and the kid doesn't have things THEY own or play with or enjoy, if the child says they would love an XYZ the parent doesn't want to collect- well, it's never being bought. (so again, horribly unfair and unhealthy for the child)

[Purpleglasses]

It seems what i said created a little debate, so i'll precise what i think.I'm not saying we should give a Rapunzel to the first child that enters our room.I'm just saying that i think that if you know the child and know she is careful, completely forbid her to touch any ponies (even the ones that aren't even slightly rare) will do more bad than good.But when i let children play with my ponies i always watch them to prevent anything going wrong.

I work with kids, and I quite like them. That said, I disagree. I can't see that telling a child you know that some of your things are off limits be detrimental to them. Perhaps the key lies in the wording. Rather than saying, "You can't touch them, you might break them" saying something like "These are very special things and are just for looking at" would make the child feel less like you are judging THEM and more that those ponies are super special and need to be treated with respect.

Children need to learn to respect the belongings and boundaries of other people. Letting children have something just because 'it's a toy and toys are made for kids' does more harm than good. They are not learning to treat the belongings of others with respect. A lot of the kids I work with will recognise that they do not have the right to take a toy belonging to another child when the other child says, "No". Why would reinforcing those same boundaries change when the other person is an adult?

This is what I was trying to say! The adult's (and other kids') boundaries and property must be respected. It's just that it makes sense to me that the kid would want to play with the ponies and ask to play with them because they are toys, not that the ponies being toys means they do not deserve to be respected as someone else's property or must be given to the kid. (There are some real horror stories in here - the poster who talks about her brother in law encouraging his kids to damage her stuff to get at her personally is dealing with a very unkind person. In addition, so many people in this thread have great strategies for enforcing rules around their collection that are firm but still respect the kids! The ponies on the ground rhyme is too cute.) But I don't think the kid in the first story was spoiled or bad for just asking. She (initially) has no greater awareness of what the ponies are or why they are special or important to their owner, or that she might damage them. Now as adults, its our job to enforce these things so that they can be and grow into kind people who respect others. When someone asks, you can always say no.

Please, ask the adults in your life to ensure that their kids respect you and your property. You have a right to have your boundaries respected. But  a kid isn't wrong if their fist response to seeing a toy is to want to play with it, even if they find out they can't. Ponies were literally designed to be enticing to kids, and the fact that we all want them even as adults is a testament to how well the designers accomplished this.

 I was highly uncomfortable and opted out of doing anything that involved an adult looming over me anxious and watching that I didn't damage something of theirs or hurt myself. (think about it- it really wouldn't be fun to "play" like that now would it?) The toybox I do have handy to occupy friend's kids- pretty much go wild within reason (like no throwing them at people, or lighting them on fire, or using the crayons to scribble on the wall or couch) but if playing involves smacking two toys together repeatedly- sure. have fun. oh the windshield got cracked on the hot wheel? ok. guess I know what I'm getting at the thrift next time some kids are gentle, some are not and not because they're "brats" some kids don't have well developed fine motor skills. And the kids who DO behave like brats shouldn't be hated. "everything is mine if I want it" kids are still innocent. They learned from the people raising them and setting the rules at home- so direct the anger at the source.

This is an excellent point!

[Galactica]

I definitely think and have seen that it is a GOOD thing to set boundries for kids and ESPECIALLY to teach them to respect other people's things.

Otherwise I think parents are setting their kids up to be disliked by other kids and by other adults and by the world in general. 

I like skeen's rhyme a lot- totally going to use that...

[h1m3.]

Kids needs boundaries and I am kinda shocked sometimes when parents keeps asking their mini kids like 3-5yo everything like what do you want to eat, which bathrobe you want to use, do you wanna do this or that and that.  Like hey the kids is so small that he doesn't need to decide everything and I am pretty sure he is pleased if he gets just food and some bathrobe after bath etc. Later on it will be a problem if kid has always eaten pancakes but in school there is none. I also think it is easier for the child itself they know that they can't do always what they want cause in school/work etc it won't work that way.

I got box full of ponies in my room some more HTF than others. These ponies need basic cleaning before I put them on my shelves (and I need new shelf too so ponies have waited there long time ) My nephew who is turning 3yo always ask before touching those ponies. I usually let him cause all he does is carries them around and I will need to clean them anyway so little bit sticky fingers aren't that big of a problem (but I do clean his hands before he can touch them ). Those ponies that are already in shelves he can't reach. But he has been good kid and always asked (now that he can talk and is interested on them) if he can play with ponies. Luckily in my case he likes more my bling jewelry He knows already he needs to ask before taking some of my stuff

[lovesbabysquirmy]

Kids needs boundaries and I am kinda shocked sometimes when parents keeps asking their mini kids like 3-5yo everything like what do you want to eat, which bathrobe you want to use, do you wanna do this or that and that.  Like hey the kids is so small that he doesn't need to decide everything and I am pretty sure he is pleased if he gets just food and some bathrobe after bath etc. Later on it will be a problem if kid has always eaten pancakes but in school there is none. I also think it is easier for the child itself they know that they can't do always what they want cause in school/work etc it won't work that way.

Those are reasonable things to give children choices about - they HAVE to eat, they HAVE to dress, they HAVE to play.  If they learn to make healthy choices and have life balance, that is what you looking for in teaching them how to manage themselves.

Setting boundaries about other people's things?  That's not a choice or a preference, it is a hard-set rule that children MUST learn. 

[josiekat]

Personally, I would have let her play with anything that wasn't in a box. But that's just me. They are toys first. But she does sound like she is given a little more range than she should be.