Hello every pony!
I feel like it could easily have been 100+ years since I was last on here.
I have missed it so much. I can't remember what I may have been in the middle of when I was last on. Looking through my old messages have not been very much help either. But to anyone who I was in contact with back then who may still be on here, I feel I owe an explanation.
Since I was last online, I moved out with my boyfriend, far away from my parent's house and it was a huge step for me having never moved from home before.
I was there for about a month and had only moved all of my pony boxes and equipment over to my apartment when I got very sick and needed to go to the hospital. Boyfriend thought I was being silly and refused to help. (I had passed out and was vomiting up blood all night long! Yeah, was pretty silly!)
I left with a friend of his who had seen the seriousness of the situation and took care of me on the train ride back to the city and brought me back to my parent's house so I could go off to the hospital for a lovely sleep over in A&E.
As it turns out it was actually quite serious and I was told I had ruptured stuff and had several cuts in my throat and esophagus. I was put on acid reducing pills as they thought I might have had an ulcer, or the starts of one that I had been previously unaware of that would now need to be watched.
I was told had the bleeding been slightly more severe I would have been in a serious condition.
SO hurray for months of tablets and gradually splitting up with my boyfriend of nearly five years. More or less due to the fact that he didn't believe me, even when he seen me a few weeks later and I wasn't exactly myself due to painkillers and these other tablets. Just total disregard for my health and well being, which, lets face it, in the long run isn't that great. I still loved him, but I had gone from wanting to spend the rest of my life with him, to not really trusting him.
So moving on, I was still paying rent for this apartment which I no longer lived in, And only stopped paying it after about 2 or 3 months. And it was after that, my boyfriend said that it wasn't really working out and that he thought we were done. (No kidding?!)
I ended up starting to fall for his friend, (Who was also my friend, lets not make this weirder) he was keeping me company and being an all round great guy. On new years, he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend.
Shocked, I did say yes. And we were together for a couple of months.
A couple of strange months, in which I realised that he was my friend, not my boyfriend.
It's extremely hard to kiss someone who you have realised is more like a brother to you than anything else.
But before we broke up. We went on a trip to the UK to visit a couple of guys who we had met online through Xbox Live. I had become quite close with one of the guys and we became good friends. But as it would happen, I developed feelings for him. Feelings which I hadn't felt before. All of a sudden he was all I could think about, he was the only person I wanted to talk to. And when we went over and I seen him waiting for us in arrivals I knew immediately that I had been right.
This guy and I had already expressed our feelings for each other before I went over.
It was so awkward, me being there with my 'boyfriend' and we were all hanging out playing video games and having a laugh, then he would go to kiss me and it did actually make me go like 'Whoa! No! You're my bro!' If that makes any sense. The guy from the UK understood my predicament.
When I got back, I had to tell my 'boyfriend' how I felt. I couldn't lead the guy on, knowing full well we both wouldn't be happy.
It was hard. Harder than I could have ever imagined. And I will never forgive myself for letting it go on as long as it did, I should have ended it as soon as I started feeling like he wasn't meant to be my boyfriend.
I told him that I had fallen in love with this guy, and he even called him and spoke to him himself.
So a couple of weeks went by. In these days family issues came up again. After the death of my uncle my grandmother's health deteriorated and she started showing signs of Alzheimers. Very hard for everyone.
My mother wasn't very well, constantly suffering from stress due to the health of my grandmother, brother, and myself. It honestly felt like a very slow downward spiral into darkness.
I had lost my box of ponies. All of my paints and bits and bobs.
But, I had booked a flight to go and see this guy in the UK. All by myself, first time travelling by myself.
And when I got there. Boom! It was magic. I don't know if anyone has ever experienced movie moments. Where you just have to laugh at how movie like it is, but it's real!
We got together. And then I went over again a couple of weeks later.
He asked me to marry him! And I said yes!!
I came back and found my ponies! And have only made one and a half customs so far but I am absolutely DYING to make more.
I feel as though I have broke out of heavy chains and have a new life. And I want to apologise if I've left anyone hanging on anything. I know for sure there's one person I need to contact. Which I will be doing asap!
Sorry for the rant. I guess I needed to type it down or something.
If it's deleted.. I understand
Hope everyone is well and having a nice summer!
-Jessica
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