The MLP Arena
Pony Talk => Off Topic => Topic started by: ViciousJupiter on January 25, 2012, 12:43:03 PM
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Ground Beef! ... get it *snickers*
I love corny jokes, share a few with me!
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I used to be an Awana teacher for the Cubbies. Awana being a church program that was held on Wednesday nights and Cubbies being the group of kids aged 3 and 4, for those of you who may not know. One of my students, age 3, told me the following:
A mushroom walks into a bar and sees a pretty lady. He asks her to go out with him and she said no. So, the mushroom asks, "Why not? I'm a Fungi!"(Fun-guy)
That three year old said this joke with the straightest face and told it so seriously, you'd have sworn she knew what she was saying!
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What's invisible and smells like carrots?
Bunny Farts!
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LOL you made me gigglesnort!
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I'm currently looking for some Beatles soap. You throw it in the bathtub and watch the ring-go.
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Cute stuff! LOL!
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What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
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A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a rum and diet................ coke.
Bartender asks, "Why the long pause?"
Bear says, "I don't know, but I've had them all my life."
:lol:
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LOL You guys are silly!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the prom?
Because he didn't have any body to dance with.
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What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
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I have a US State joke for you....
What did Tenna see (Tennessee)?
What Arkan saw(Arkansas pronounced Arkansaw)!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the prom?
Because he didn't have any body to dance with.
Rofl!
I love all the jokes guys keep em coming. I'm quite entertained <3
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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything ^_^
(hope that didn't offend any practicing Buddhists)
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Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? They're making headlines.
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Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? They're making headlines.
Lol I giggled at that one. Thank you <3
A blonde is driving down a country road and looks over to a cornfield on the side. She sees another blonde in the middle of the field rowing a boat. "Why the hell is she rowing a boat in the middle of a cornfield for?" She asks herself. Extremely upset she stops and get's out of her car to yell at the other blonde. "It's blondes like you that make blondes like me look bad. And if I could swim I would come out there and kick your ass!"
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ooooOOOooo blonde jokes....
gloves are off huh?
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I am currently a blond myself and enjoy blond jokes very much ;) Show me what you got sista!
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A pirate walks into a bar with his ship's wheel sticking out of the front of his pants, a very unhappy look on his face. He goes to the bar and orders a drink and the bartender asks "Why on earth do you have a ships' wheel sticking in your pants? That Can't be very comfortable!" The pirate takes a swig and says "YARRRR....Its Drivin' me nuts."
BAZINGA!
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Countess Maria Bolkonskaya celebrates her 50th anniversary, the whole local Hussar regiment is invited, and the Countess boasts about her presents. "Cornet Obolensky presented me a lovely set of 50 Chinese fragrant candles. I loved them so much that I immediately stuck them into the 7 seven-branch candlesticks you see on the table. Quite fortunate numbers! Unfortunately there is one candle left, and I don't know where to stick it..." — The whole Hussar regiment takes a deep breath... And the Hussar Colonel barks out: "Hussars, not a word!"
Himmler assembled his henchmen for an assessment interview. He called in Eismann.
"Eismann, select a number between 0 and 99".
"93".
"Why 93 and not 39?"
"Because I said so."
"Very well." Himmler dismissed him and wrote in Eismann's personal dossier: "Character: Nordic."
Then, he called in Rolf.
"Rolf, select a number between 0 and 99."
"46."
"Why 46 and not 64?"
"If you want it, then it will be 64."
"Very well". He dismissed him and wrote down: "Character: nearly Nordic."
Then, he called in Stierlitz.
"Stierlitz, select a number between 0 and 99."
"22."
"Why 22 and not... Stierlitz, stop messing with my work!"
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How do you catch a unique rabbit?
U nique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way, u nique up on it.
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A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock.
The blonde replied, "What for? Are you going to set it on fire?!"
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xD
Ill post something if it comes to mind. Ive heard of quite a few but cant remember right now :)
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Why was the little strawberry crying?
Because his parents were in a jam!
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What kind of train do you make bubblegum with? Chew Chew
Can February March? No but April May
What does the US and MLP have in common? They both have manes.
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Q: How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?
A: Take the "S" out of Safe and the "F" out of way.
... THERE IS NO F IN WAY! :lmao:
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A skeleton walks into a bar and says "I'll have a beer and a mop".
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How do you fit a giraffe in the fridge?
*typical answer here - I don't know*
Open the door and stick it in.
How do you fit an elephant in the fridge?
*typical answer here: open up the door and stick it in*
No silly! The giraffe is in there still. Open the door, take out the giraffe and put the elephant in!
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How do you catch a unique rabbit?
U nique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way, u nique up on it.
:lmao:
What do you call Postman Pat when he gets made redundant?
Pat
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Just asked my kids for some inspiration, heres what they came up with, lol
Whats Pink and fluffy?
Pink Fluff.
Whats Blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Ilene
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, sitting on your front porch?
Matt
Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
coz he was caught with seaweed.
A magician was driving down the road...then he turned into a driveway!
what do you call a fish with no eyes?
a fsh.
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What do you call a man in the middle of the ocean with no legs.
Bob.
What is a good name for a no legged dog?
Cigarette because you take it out for a drag.
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What's the difference between an elephant and a post box?
.....
whelp. definitely not sending you to post a letter anytime soon.
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Lol! These are allllll awsome! <3 silly jokes so much!
And my Hubby's contribution:
What do you call Spectra's snot?
Boo!-gers
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How do you make a handkerchief dance?
Put a little boogey in it ^_^
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So a dog walks into the forest and he sees a whale and says, “Aren’t you supposed to be in the ocean?” and the whale says, “Yes.”
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Just asked my kids for some inspiration, heres what they came up with, lol
Whats Pink and fluffy?
Pink Fluff.
Whats Blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Ilene
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, sitting on your front porch?
Matt
Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
coz he was caught with seaweed.
A magician was driving down the road...then he turned into a driveway!
what do you call a fish with no eyes?
a fsh.
:lmao:
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How do you make a handkerchief dance?
Put a little boogey in it ^_^
haha.... I was gonna post that one!
how do you look for ronald mcdonald at a nude beach?
look for the sesame see buns!
why was 6 afraid of 7?
because 7 ate 9! (7-8-9)
a duck walks into a bar. he asks the bartender - got any grapes? the bartender says no, so the duck leaves. a few minutes later the duck walks back in and asks the bartender - got any grapes? again, the bartender says no, so the duck walks back out. not even 5 minutes later the duck walks back in again, and asks the bartender the same question - got any grapes? this time the bartender shouts - NO, AND IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME, I WILL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THIS BAR! the duck quietly walks out. about 30 minutes passes and the duck walks back in... comes up to the bartender and asks - got any nails? the bartender says - no.
the duck goes - got any grapes?
(lol... this used to make me laugh so hard as a child. smart ass duck)
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OMG THAT DUCK JOKE BUDDAFLY!!! LOL LOL
Who gets sent to Heck?
People that don't believe in Gosh!
LOL
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Did you hear the one about the toilet?
- Nevermind. It's too dirty.
What did the pony say when it had a sore throat?
- It was a little horse
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
-Good food. No atmosphere.
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why was 6 afraid of 7, coz 789 brings back childhood memories! That was a well used joke! lol
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My fave when I was 5: What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbits hole? Hot cross bunnies!
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A girl married a Spanish man and went to Spain
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She can't speak Spanish
Each time she wanted to buy Chicken Drumsticks at the market,
she would lift her skirt and show her thighs to so the seller would understand her.
One day she wanted to buy Bananas, she took her husband to shop.
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Because he speaks Spanish. What did you think I was gonna say?
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ROFL.
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Did you hear about the latest pirate movie??
It's rated ARRRRRRRRR!!!!
Did you hear the latest bird joke?
It's a quacker!!!
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Did you hear the one about the butter?
You'd only spread it
Did you hear the one about the very high wall?
You'd never get over it
badumbum psh
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How do you catch a polar bear?
First you cut a hole in the ice, then place peas all around it.
Wait....
And when he comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Sorry my husband came up with that one.
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What has two humps and is found at the North Pole?
A lost camel!
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Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? They're making headlines.
:lol: My favorite one so far!
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Two pigs fell into a mud puddle.
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Lol these are all awesome. Thanks guys!
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A girl married a Spanish man and went to Spain
.
.
She can't speak Spanish
Each time she wanted to buy Chicken Drumsticks at the market,
she would lift her skirt and show her thighs to so the seller would understand her.
One day she wanted to buy Bananas, she took her husband to shop.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because he speaks Spanish. What did you think I was gonna say?
This one, oh my gosh :lmao:
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
Art!
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Two biscuits are sitting in an oven.
One biscuit turns to the other and says, "Boy it is getting hot in here"
The second biscuit wips around with a shocked expression and gasps, "OMG! A TALKING BISCUIT!"
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
-Good food. No atmosphere.
:lol:
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying under a pile of leaves?
Russell. (Rustle? Get it?! Just to go with Bob and Art... )
What do you call a dog with no legs and steel balls?
Sparky
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says, "we don't serve ropes here," and kicks him out. The rope goes out to the parking lot, ties himself up and rubs himself on the ground, then walks back into the bar. The bartender says, "Hey! Aren't you a rope?" The rope says, "No, I'm a frayed knot!" (afraid not)
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don't know how they got in there!
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying under a pile of leaves?
Russell. (Rustle? Get it?! Just to go with Bob and Art... )
What do you call a dog with no legs and steel balls?
Sparky
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says, "we don't serve ropes here," and kicks him out. The rope goes out to the parking lot, ties himself up and rubs himself on the ground, then walks back into the bar. The bartender says, "Hey! Aren't you a rope?" The rope says, "No, I'm a frayed knot!" (afraid not)
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don't know how they got in there!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything ^_^
(hope that didn't offend any practicing Buddhists)
I'm kind of into Buddhism, and I loooove this joke !!!
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two peanuts walked into a bar. one was assaulted XD
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How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue!
What do you get when you cross a T-rex with fireworks?
Dino-mite!
What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
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A wizard turns into a bar.
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What to do in a boring sermon.
1.Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher.
2. Roll marbles under the pew and see how many reach the other side
Oh and this is classic at my church
• Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest room.
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What do you get when you combine half of a chicken, 2/3 of a cat, and half of a goat?
CHI-CA-GO!
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One for the Brits
What do you call a chav in a box? ... Innit :D
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In that vein;
What do you call a chav in a blender?
Mush!
What do you call a chav in a bank vault?
Sasfe!
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Yay more jokes! <3
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:lmao:
bigmlpfan xx