Seeking inspiration for a distanced Christmas...

[Taffeta]

Hi all
So as I've mentioned before, it's unlikely we're gonna have a normal family Christmas this year.
The Government have announced that families will have a window they can meet up in, but (and it depends what happens when lockdown lifts), it seems unlikely Naynie can come back here since she basically needs to self-isolate for 2 weeks before she can safely come into the 'bubble' given Mum's immune system. That means she has to leave Oxford at latest on the 10th, and I can't see that happening.

We have a lot of traditions as a family and for various reasons I won't go into here, the idea of having them without her bothers me.

But I don't want to mess up Christmas for my family, and I'd like it not to be a complete disaster. Especially for Naynie, who is making the biggest sacrifice if she can't come home. It is already going to be hard enough with most everyone else being able to celebrate and being surrounded by that on every platform while our family are probably going to miss out.

So I thought I'd ask you guys for some ideas, fresh inspiration, things that might make the holiday less oppressive or weird. Obviously the most important thing is being safe.

We've already talked about having Naynie dictate to us how to do the tree (because she's the one who always gives the orders) via skype and stuff, and probably will hook the PC up to the TV on Christmas Day so we can open presents together, although it won't be the same. But I really think that it will be easier not trying to make it the same, and so any great new ideas from outside would be welcomed.

Just a note - my parents are both over 70. They're pretty lively but have health problems. Nothing too mad. Also, none of us drive. I mean, they did, but they sold the car. I can't navigate, so I don't.

Any suggestions cannot involve people from outside. Or, probably, places beyond the local walkable area...(I feel like convincing them to do that in the cold might be hard going mind you)

Another note - nobody in this house drinks to excess - sister and I don't drink at all.

Final note - we usually do games at New Year and probably will even if Naynie and her partner aren't with us. That's actually much easier to get my head around, tbh, so I'm really talking about Christmas itself.

(And also, anyone else in a similar situation, feel free to chip in, maybe we can all come up with some ideas. I know Thanksgiving is coming up in the US too; my friend in Arlington has already told me she's spending it with her cat and exchanging virtual turkey with her sister )

[Shaz]

I don't celebrate Christmas, but as a fellow autistic person who struggles when things aren't how they should be: don't try to make it the same as usual. It's more stressful trying to keep things the same when they blatantly aren't 'right' than doing things differently. Also you probably know this (you've been autistic for longer than me) but be kind to yourself and take time for soothing pastimes (ponies!!). Disruption to established routine/traditions is bad enough for neurotypical people but it's hell on autistic nerves. And then (or so I find) you feel guilty for being nervy and potentially spoiling things for your family, and round and round it goes, the old autistic stress-out....

Skype sounds good. Texting/emailing and sending photos is fun too (I mean, I know you could just show your sister things on Skype, but taking photos is fun. I might be slightly obsessed with sending photos to my family, including the ones I actually live with). Maybe let some traditions go this year (they can come back when you're all together again) but do something fun as a family instead, like watching a favourite film or going for a walk or something. Play games that can work over Skype.

Okay, I'm rubbish at thinking of festive ideas, my idea of 'how to spend Christmas Day' usually just involves me and my girlfriend rearranging the ponies, fussing over our cats and pretending Christmas isn't happening (we're a bit traumatised by some stressful past Christmases. These days we shut ourselves away with a big pony restoration project. About the most festive thing we do is steal some turkey from my parents' Christmas dinner and give it to the cats as a treat).

Anyway, I totally feel for you having your festivities messed up, and I hope it all works out okay. If in doubt, put ponies in festive poses around the house to cheer things up!

[SunPony]

I'm in a similar boat so I'll be watching this thread for ideas...I'll be celebrating Christmas alone with my birds.  Neither my sis or I can totally isolate because of our jobs.  My immediate family had an early virtual Thanksgiving this past weekend, and it went well, but of course it still feels like something is different/missing.  For that, I would say make sure everyone is familiar with the program you are going to use, knows what time to show up, and what if any special activities will take place during the virtual event.  But the part that really feels like its missing is when you just sit around after the meal kind of chilling out together, without structured activity.  I don't know how to replace that.

Maybe one thing you could do to help you sister feel more included is to send her something like a personalized advent calendar.  My mom sent my sister and I homemade advent calendars this year (I think mine is tea), so I'm looking forward to opening an envelope every day and thinking of my parental units   I sent several friends that I don't see often homemade tea advent calendars last year and they were well received.  Time is getting close for this, though, since Dec 1 is coming up, but I bet you could pull something cool together by then.  It could even be just a little note with a fun family memory on it for each day.

If you want to make it feel Christmasy but also different, you could try some brand new craft activity, or watch a Christmas movie you have never seen, or eat a different from usual but still Christmasy menu.  Bake cookies for essential hospital staff?

You could also make plans to do a Christmas-in-July event - hopefully we will be able to be with our families again by that point. 

Both my sis and I spent years living abroad in the past so we are a bit used to making do with virtual/phone holidays.  However, I personally never missed Christmas (well sometimes by a day or two) - its my fave holiday and one I attach lots of family tradition to...so I don't really know how well I will cope with it this year.  I think knowing that so many others are also going through this helps, though.

I hope you find some good strategies 

[Taffeta]

Some really nice ideas from both of you guys, thank you

We might know on Thursday which tier our regions are going into post-lockdown so then we might know what situation we're in.

We just had Naynie's birthday by skype. We sent her a box. There were some extra things in the box that were just for fun, and Dad made a board with a picture she drew as a kind of happy birthday banner. (She sent a drawing of herself as a joke in first lockdown to stick on her chair and in her bedroom as a pseudo-naynie. We're a weird family).

So today we had a talk about some of these things - Mum, Dad and I -  and agreed that we would pause some of the things we always do as a family and try and do them a little different.

It's a bit tight for the advent calendar idea but I do like the idea of something for advent...I'm wondering whether if we find out she can't come home I might see if I can think of something on those lines digitally. Like a swap a Christmas photo each day thing or something. Not sure.

Naynie and I usually go for a walk on boxing day (26th Dec for anyone not familiar with UK terms), and so parents agreed that maybe we'll all go for one instead. (I can't navigate so aside very limited walks, I can't really go for walks here on my own. I could in London, because there were so many buses and because London bus stops make great route markers, but here the transport situation is not good and we're in a pandemic...yeah. So).

We're still discussing what is going to happen about the Christmas tree.

SunPony, I hope you manage to have a brilliant Christmas and I'm gonna keep trying to think of ideas too. Whatever happens with our family, we're planning for the separation at the moment, because even if she does come home, she will be isolating in her room and not mixing with us for the first 2 weeks, so virtual hangouts may well be a thing.

[SunPony]

Oh, I just had a thought - if it is too late for an advent calendar, maybe just do the 12 days of Christmas instead!  Then there are less things to plan for and you can start it later

The idea of sharing photos each day is a good one!  Maybe I'll do that with my parents.

[LadyAmalthea]

Maybe try a new recipe, either a dinner or a dessert, and each cook it together via zoom/skype, you and your parents on one end, and your sister on the other, and then all try it together? That's all I can come up with right now, but I'll think on it a bit.

My best friend and I used to each get the same bottle of wine and the same movie when I was living 1000 miles away from her, and we'd try the wine together and start our movie at the same time and watch it...all while on the phone together. I was trying to think of the non-alcoholic version of this, since you don't drink (for that matter, neither do I really, anymore...too many kids that need a coherent mum!), and figured food might be an option.

[Taffeta]

It's a nice idea, but it would exclude me. I'm not allowed to cook - it's an actual safety issue, bar the microwave xD.

But I did speak to sister about the idea of sharing photos over December and she liked that.

I will need to think about the movie thing.

Sister actually did her PhD in film studies so her dvd collection is basically what a dvd rental store wished it could have been or what Netflix's movie collection aspires to. Not even joking. Her partner is the same, so between them they are a pretty impressive film resource. But I'm not as much of a movie person as she is - at least, I have to be in the mood for a particular film before I watch it. I have one of her DVDs since about 5 years ago that I still didn't watch yet. Bit hopeless really

She's also working on a way to play Connect 4 with Dad over New Year by Skype. It's a tradition since she was a kid that they play Connect 4 at new year, and it's a long standing family joke whereby he hides it and she hunts for it and he cheats and she cheats and they basically play until she wins. So I'm not sure how they're going to manage it but at least she's thinking about this too.

[LadyAmalthea]

Making a gingerbread house together on Skype maybe? You could get some of those kits with the pre-baked pieces so you wouldn't have to use the oven.

[Shaz]

It's a nice idea, but it would exclude me. I'm not allowed to cook - it's an actual safety issue, bar the microwave xD.

It might still work if your parents are there to deal with the oven etc.
(My girlfriend has a similar problem, she's brainy as anything academically but forgets that cooking = hot things and always gets burnt. So now we cook together, she does the prep and I do the oven.) Things like chocolate and marzipan are really fun to make and only involve a bit of saucepan use.

The Connect 4 tradition sounds cute, I hope you can work out a way to do it long-distance.

https://christmasphere.com/socially-distanced-christmas-parties/ - this is more for Christmas parties but there's some ideas that you could adapt. Instead of wine-tasting you could do chocolate-tasting or whatever. Personally I think long-distance karaoke sounds fun too!

I'm guessing you'll be posting Christmas presents, so how about sending other fun/silly festive stuff by post? Silly hats, inflatable beards and festive sunglasses can make anything more fun, and you could order them online since shopping isn't really an option at the moment. Or you could just all wear tinsel boas and baubles as earrings. (My dad has a mysterious stash of strange Christmas hats, but I realise - I hope - not everyone is quite that bonkers....)

[Taffeta]

Thanks for all the input everyone
As expected, sister isn't coming home - even if the idiot MPs throw out the tier system, it's just not worth the risk given the stakes involved.

We've talked about an online pub quiz, and some photo exchanges, and stuff like that.

I have problems with sequencing and following instructions, which includes recipes, so anything more complicated than using a microwave or heating toast is pretty beyond me. It's just part of my practical skill black hole. So yeah. Besides, Mum cooks but hates it, and Dad is good at it but likes to take his time over it. Probably not a good online activity...

I like bonkers families. They're the best kind.

[Leave a Whisper]

Sorry to hear your sister can't be home for Christmas. The only thing I can think of is having vid chats with whatever family traditions you do.