The MLP Arena

Pony Talk => Off Topic => Topic started by: lostpony on December 13, 2016, 03:46:39 PM

Title: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 13, 2016, 03:46:39 PM: Found something awful on Amazon the other day!

We all know unicorns poop frozen yogurt and fart cotton candy but now the golden goose has been slaughtered for our culinary enjoyment:

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(http://s1168.photobucket.com/user/alostpony/media/unicorn1_zpsjfj1ptpd.jpg.html)
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0089KZPNU/ref=pe_2285880_218343410_em_1p_0_ti

Like, Eeeew. Maybe it's actually chicken? I guess unicorns are cloven hoofed so we can eat them right? Where have they been raising these guys? When I find out, I'm going to rustle some live ones up for myself. Join my unicorn-rescue posse!

Here's the cotton candy, isn't its packaging hilarious???

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(http://s1168.photobucket.com/user/alostpony/media/unicorn2_zpsaas7soua.jpg.html)
https://www.amazon.com/Bag-Unicorn-Farts-Stocking-Elephant/dp/B01E9D0OR2/ref=sr_1_2?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1481671479&sr=1-2&keywords=unicorn+farts

I just called them fishing for where the unicorns are raised but their information security is too tight. They did assure me that no unicorns are actually killed to harvest the unicorn meat, and this is what they look like when they are returned to the wild:

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(http://s1168.photobucket.com/user/alostpony/media/unicorn3_zpsddtq8a5m.jpg.html)
https://www.amazon.com/Archie-McPhee-Accoutrements-12530-Handicorn/dp/B00SHH7T52/ref=sr_1_8?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1481671479&sr=1-8&keywords=unicorn+farts
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: tulagirl on December 13, 2016, 03:49:26 PM: I like the Unicorn Snot personally. :lol:
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: LunaMoonCustoms1212 on December 13, 2016, 03:54:50 PM: ok, that unicorn meat is so funny :rofl: but its actually just a dead unicorn plushie hahaha :lol:
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 13, 2016, 05:42:25 PM: Quote from: LunaMoonCustoms1212 on December 13, 2016, 03:54:50 PM
ok, that unicorn meat is so funny :rofl: but its actually just a dead unicorn plushie hahaha :lol:

actually from the pic I couldn't rule it out: in which case it really IS unicorns...probably harvested from toy donations that weren't in good enough shape to rehome

Tulagirl, an oversight on my part, here's the unicorn snot:
https://www.amazon.com/Unicorn-Snot-Stress-Putty-Stocking/dp/B01LY2ZAHG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481679468&sr=8-1&keywords=unicorn+snot

in all fairness it lacks a cute unicorn pic, just a nice horn but it IS in a nice little metal tin.
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Leave a Whisper on December 13, 2016, 05:44:06 PM: Eww.
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Seachanger on December 13, 2016, 06:11:52 PM: Yes I've seen that before but it makes me laugh every time. Eww! I would like to try the unicorn farts though.
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Kanchii on December 13, 2016, 06:41:24 PM: This is the best post ever.

Yes, let us create a unicorn rescue to save them from the terrible meat industry!
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Mainsail on December 13, 2016, 08:55:18 PM: :rofl: This is way too funny!! I'm curious as to what the meat tastes like...... but it does sound quite odd. :P

I wouldn't mind the cotton candy....... excuse me...... I mean unicorn farts. :lol:
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Khoufu on December 13, 2016, 09:40:06 PM: I've seen unicorn meat on thinkgeek for years, so the others aren't surprising. It's rather amusing.
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Khayman81 on December 13, 2016, 10:57:21 PM: Don't eat Unicorns, go vegan!

Well that was funny! While eating some magical animal may sound awful. Like why don't eat leprechaun too, or fairies...

Anyway I wonder what kind of real meat it is...
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 13, 2016, 11:34:35 PM: Could be leprechaun, the can says it's from Ireland.
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: melodys_angel on December 14, 2016, 07:59:39 AM: I think it originated on thinkgeek on april fools day some years ago.

Its just a unicorn plush inside, not actual meat.
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Bekuno on December 14, 2016, 09:34:17 AM: You can also buy canned dragon meat!
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Ponyfan on December 14, 2016, 09:38:04 AM: Poor unicorns *sneaks in to farm and sets unicorns free before they can be turned in to canned meat.*

I had to look up what was really inside. It's a plushie unicorn.

Spoiler
There also unicorn air freshener spray

Ponyfan
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Dragonflitter on December 14, 2016, 10:20:06 AM: Don't forget unicorn farts being used to freshen bathrooms, now! XD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqL4DRZ2EkA
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: LunaMoonCustoms1212 on December 14, 2016, 10:35:35 AM: There's also an inflatable unicorn hat for cats!
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 14, 2016, 02:12:20 PM: Quote from: Ponyfan on December 14, 2016, 09:38:04 AM
I had to look up what was really inside. It's a plushie unicorn.

Yes but how do they taste.

Quote from: Dragonflitter on December 14, 2016, 10:20:06 AM
Don't forget unicorn farts being used to freshen bathrooms, now! XD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqL4DRZ2EkA

It seems no unicorns are harmed in the making of Unicorn Gold....looks like quite the opposite...oh my.

Any link for the cat hat??
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: piinkypiie on December 14, 2016, 09:53:43 PM: Any one open then canned unicorn before? Wanna see the plushie
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 15, 2016, 12:09:57 AM: Me too!
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Miniature Sheep on December 15, 2016, 03:01:10 AM: Oh yes, I've seen the unicorn meat around before but the unicorn farts are news to me! XD
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Dragonflitter on December 15, 2016, 06:09:36 AM: That unicorn-horn-for-cats is a product that's been around for a while. I've seen it for sale in stores with a joke products section for a few years now. It actually might be the original unicorn item that inspired the rest of this stuff. Funny story: I bought the unicorn-horn-for-cats and glued it to a headband to wear as part of my DJPON3 cosplay for pony conventions. Some people recognize it and laugh.

https://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-Inflatable-Unicorn-Horn-Cats/dp/B00BPMMQDG/

There's also a black one:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CR42KGY/ref=s9_dcacsd_dcoop_bw_c_x_3_w

Despite being 'made for cats' they are definitely big enough for a person to wear, especially if they are cosplaying a MLP. ;)

Post Merge: December 15, 2016, 06:13:17 AM

If you're looking for a pic of the dead unicorn plush, I found it here. Warning, it is... not exactly graphic, but not that cute either. XD

http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/e5a7/
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: LunaMoonCustoms1212 on December 15, 2016, 06:19:26 AM: ^ yeah that's a good idea for a cosplay, all of the unicorn horns that I see are usually a lot more expensive then the cat one.
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: HelloGoodbye on December 15, 2016, 09:34:37 AM: My best friend gave me the Unicorn Meat can for Christmas last year as a joke gift hahaha My computer has been poorly behaved lately, but I can try and upload a picture of the plush later for those who are curious unless someone else beats me to it!
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: glitterball on December 15, 2016, 01:06:50 PM: Too funny! :lol:
The cotton candy is a new one on me!
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 15, 2016, 01:17:30 PM: I love the pic on the cotton candy! which at least has something edible inside.

Dragonflitter that poor canned unicorn might not quite be graphic but it IS still awful!

Could be used for a Frankenstein custom though, where you sew it together and hook it up to a lightening rod...
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Mareacooda on December 15, 2016, 02:45:24 PM: Quote from: lostpony on December 13, 2016, 03:46:39 PM
Like, Eeeew. Maybe it's actually chicken? I guess unicorns are cloven hoofed so we can eat them right? Where have they been raising these guys? When I find out, I'm going to rustle some live ones up for myself. Join my unicorn-rescue posse!

Upon your question not all Unicorn clove hooves; don't forgot Narwhale classified as Unicorn of sea then One horn Rhino that also call Unicorn so it really depends region and variety unicorn...
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: NovelNerd on December 15, 2016, 03:50:24 PM: The meat has been around a long time, as others said it's a plush in pieces. Ages ago it used to have pictures showing what it looked like:
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 15, 2016, 04:26:56 PM: The picture's right here, as supplied by Dragonflitter:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/e5a7/
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Dragonflitter on December 15, 2016, 06:16:58 PM: I also found 'dragon meat in a can' which is just a plush dragon's head with X's for eyes. XD At least with the unicorn we got the whole unicorn!
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: piinkypiie on December 15, 2016, 06:23:40 PM: poor unicorn in the can
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 15, 2016, 11:47:47 PM: piinkypiie, yes the poor unicorn in the can, it was funnier when I thought there was actual meat in the can...

Dragonflitter, I am not sure we get the whole unicorn, it looks like there might be a leg missing. The X's make it so morbid!

Those parts look like they might be made into a nice marionette though, just tie the pieces together with short bits of material, add strings, and make sure to re-embroider those eyes, geesh.

I was also thinking the hand-unicorn parts could be connected together with some soft fabric like a porcelain/fabric doll and it would be pretty nice...except the mouth on that hand unicorn is a bit eeeks-y.
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: banditpony on December 16, 2016, 10:21:35 AM: Do I want to know what the "warning" on the side of the can of meat says......... ?
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Ponyfan on December 16, 2016, 11:06:29 AM: I found this today.

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(https://flic.kr/p/Q6GZQB)Unicorn Popper (https://flic.kr/p/Q6GZQB) by LovesBarbie (https://www.flickr.com/photos/93040822@N05/), on Flickr

Ponyfan
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 16, 2016, 02:06:44 PM: Don't put your eye out with that thing! I've seen those, they make me think of the creature that devours whole dimensions in the Yellow Submarine.

The warning might be "if you eat any unicorn meat for real we'll be coming for you". Makes me think of the Freshman, anypony remember that movie?
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Ponyfan on December 16, 2016, 02:40:23 PM: I found some pics on Ebay of the whole canned unicorn meat cans.

The warning says "This is not an actual food item and is not edible."

The nutrition label says: 100 % organic. free range, cage free unicorn meat and each can has 1337 calories

Ponyfan
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Dragonflitter on December 16, 2016, 08:27:17 PM: The can has "leet" calories? Wow now there's an outdated reference... lol
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 16, 2016, 08:40:43 PM: Should say "choking hazard"
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Khayman81 on December 17, 2016, 05:07:46 AM: It's a bit gore...
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 17, 2016, 07:41:32 AM: Yes Khayman81 that's why we've decided to shift all the inventory to France for you. :)
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Khayman81 on December 17, 2016, 09:44:12 AM: Quote from: lostpony on December 17, 2016, 07:41:32 AM
Yes Khayman81 that's why we've decided to shift all the inventory to France for you. :)
I love unicorns! They will be welcomed, I'm sure one of my unicorns has the power to restore them, or to bring them back to life.
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: mlp4me on December 17, 2016, 10:03:29 AM: Clever, very clever. I think unicorn meat should be a soy product, like it would be magic if it even tasted like meat... lol.
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 17, 2016, 11:01:16 AM: You're onto something there mlp4me!

Let's gang up on those Think Geek guys and show em they don't know canned unicorns like we do.

ehhhh...um yeah I guess I just said that. Don't I have some work I'm supposed to be doing???
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Ponyfan on December 18, 2016, 07:23:21 PM: I found this description about how the canned unicorn meat tastes like on Walmart.com

"14 ounces of delicious unicorn meat canned for your convenience Imported from a small independent cannery in County Meath Ireland Crunchy horn bits in every bite - an excellent source of Calcium Tastes like rotisserie chicken but with a hint of marshmallow sweetness Easily spreadable for sandwiches hors d'oeuvres and more Sparkly meat lends the unmistakable air of class and sophistication to your parties."

I'm not sure who wrote that though.

I'm still planning a sneak attack to save the unicorns

Ponyfan
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 18, 2016, 07:35:53 PM: At least some of that disgusting verbiage comes from the Think Geek site. How did it get on Walmart, do they actually sell that?

At any rate, anything not beef, pork or fish must ALWAYS taste like chicken.

I wonder if there is a similar product in Unicornia with little cut-up plushes of us inside.

Make sure to bring me along for that sneak attack please.
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: rybett on December 18, 2016, 09:14:19 PM: May I present Rainbow Grumpy Caticorn?
http://www.entertainmentearth.com/prodinfo.asp?number=GU4053797#.WFdsx7YrKRs

Sent this to my 14 yr old niece for her birthday along with chocolate cologne.
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: lostpony on December 18, 2016, 09:20:04 PM: How'm I supposed to choke on that?

I hope she loved it, it's so cute!
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Koudoawaia on December 18, 2016, 09:24:58 PM: The reviews on the Unicorn Meat are really funny to read XP
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Mermaid on December 19, 2016, 02:08:12 AM: I have the unicorn meat!!! It's super funny! Inside is a plush unicorn cut into pieces haha!
Title: Re: Canned unicorns
Post by: Ponyfan on December 19, 2016, 09:29:51 AM: Walmart.com has a few independent sellers on their website. The Amazon reviews are pretty funny.

Here's another description of what they do to the unicorns before they die and are turned in to canned unicorn meat:

. What you don't know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they are drawn to County Meath, Ireland. The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Taking a cue from the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn's coat with Guinness daily and fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn. As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled and the living bone in the horn loses density in a process much like osteoporosis. The horn's outer layer of keratin begins to develop a flavor very similar to candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn into the meat adds delightful, crispy flavor notes in each bite. We are confident you will find a world of bewilderment in every mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat. Unfortunately, due to restrictions on the importation of mythical processed meatstuff, we are unable to bring you Canned Unicorn Meat in the way the Sisters of Radiant Farms intended. When you open your can, you will find one tiny unicorn which has been appropriately sliced into its main cuts of meat.

Of course you can come on the sneak attack. lostpony. :) We've got to free those unicorns before they become canned unicorn meat.

Ponyfan