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That was a fascinating video. It brings up a lot of good points.Not saying it's okay, because it certainly isn't, but I think most of us get bullied at some point on the internet. Same with in school when we were younger. But just like the media portrayal of stereotypes is getting better, awareness of how bullying can cause long term harm (and in many cases, self harm) is growing in schools. Unfortunately, parts of the internet are still very toxic and probably will be for a long time. On the other hand, safe and accepting places will continue to exist as well
I don't think there's anything wrong with being a girly girl. There is an argument for the idea that being ultra-feminine is demonised, on the other hand it does depend a bit on the culture you're looking at, plenty of other women are demonised for being themselves as well. It's more a case of being targeted for being different or standing out in some way. The internet is getting progressively more polarised and more full of hate. I don't know if this is because people have got more hateful or just that the people who are unpleasant about differences in real life have learned how to use the internet and have now sucked all the joy out of the safe spaces there used to be.You mentioned autism, and I am not sure how this feeds into the whole discussion, genuinely. As an autistic person myself, I have to wonder to what extent her experiences relate to people's generalised ableism around autistic people/expectations on what an autistic person is/should be/how they should act. Stereotypes around autism are often more male-dominated and I guess maybe people don't stop and think that someone with autism might be really girly and feminine, because of those stereotypes. It is harder to be a girl with autism, generally, because most of the assumptions are so based on male experiences. But then we're also often targeted for online bullying ("it's just a joke, stop overreacting ") and that can be pretty damaging for any autistic person, seeing how much more susceptible we are to negative energy than the average troll on the street.
That's horrible. I can see how that would have damaged her deep down inside, especially given how difficult it is for autistic people to build a sense of their own self and how susceptible they are to external suggestion and input. I'm really glad she's got a supportive friend like you to help her deal with that and that she's healing.I'm not surprised that it seems to stem from the stereotypes and garbage that gets churned out about autism in general. Even, sometimes, by people on the spectrum, because they've been bombarded with so much misinformation.*hugs* to your friend.It's absolutely okay to be a girly autistic girl.
Beth's right, there is a bigger issue here. Like it's okay for guys to spend hours gaming, but if a girl invests the same time in something frivolous she's considered immature/childish/somehow broken. And if women choose not to have kids, they get ostracised, but if they choose to give up work and stay home and look after kids, they get a lack of support and assumption that it's just easy and not really a 'job' - even though it is. Neither one of those decisions are wrong, they're both personal choices based on circumstances, but society likes to weigh in on them anyway.But women are people, not stereotypes. We don't necessarily fit a mould.I mean, I collect my little ponies. I also have a PhD in mediaeval Japanese history, with a lot of emphasis on warriors, battles and that stuff. There's no way of defining what kind of person someone is by assuming stereotypes. There can be pressure to conform to certain stereotypes, and a backlash can come from that. Even in my academic field there's like a lowkey expectation that as a woman I'd be interested in certain female characters and be writing about that side of the narrative. But that's not me. Defining someone else by a narrow set of views is always wrong. I'm really not a girly girl but I like my fair share of pink things. My whole bedroom is pink, white and purple as it happens. What Marshie said is also really important. People judge things that make them insecure. The problem is in the bully, not in your friend. This is a bigger problem across lots of stereotypes, but they're mostly built out of ignorance. People feel threatened by something that isn't the same as them. This is actually a natural instinct that human beings developed at evolution to protect against predators (according to my psychologist trained former mentor)....Autistic people apparently mostly don't have that instinct, it's why we have more issues spotting dangerous social interactions, can sometimes react to a situation in an unexpected way, and are more likely to get hurt by stumbling into something unprepared. We don't have that internal warning system other people have that something unknown might be a threat. But - and especially given modern society - it also means we're not caught up as much on the assumptions and stereotypes laid down by other people. That ought to mean we're better at being individuals and at picking and choosing who we want to be based on our own instincts, rather than on the expectations of everyone else.It's a double edged sword really, and navigating it can be tough without the warning signs.But your friend is fine. And hey, it worked for Barbie for GENERATIONS. So yeah.