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Author Topic: Painfully Shy & Trouble Opening Up - Can Anyone Relate???  (Read 172 times)

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Offline Satin Slipper

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Painfully Shy & Trouble Opening Up - Can Anyone Relate???
« on: March 16, 2020, 12:56:11 AM »
I'm painfully shy and I have trouble opening up.  In college, I had friends but lost contact with the vast majority of them.  I'm in my early 30's, unmarried, not sure how to meet new people or how to really talk to other people sometimes.  I have trouble opening up because it is hard putting yourself out there to possibly being rejected (even on this board).
    :blush: :|
I don't mean to seem suspicious or anything, sorry if my posts come off as awkward, I can be a bit lonely (which is due to Social Anxiety).
 :blink:
Now with the Corona Visus my very few friends cancelled our Saint Patrick's Day Celebration Plans.
 :cry:
Can anyone here relate to being Painfully Shy, Having Trouble Opening Up, Being A Bit Lonely Or At Least Empathize?
 :lookround:
 :( :( :(

Edit: Thanks For Reading, Being Respectful & Taking Social Anxiety Seriously

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« Last Edit: March 16, 2020, 01:02:21 AM by Satin Slipper »
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Offline LadyMoondancer

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Re: Painfully Shy & Trouble Opening Up - Can Anyone Relate???
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2020, 03:45:16 AM »
I can definitely relate.  I suffered greatly from social anxiety and your post resonates with me.  I know what it's like to be shy, terrified of rejection, and unsure how to connect with people.

Coronavirus is making it extra hard for people to stay in touch.  Would it make you feel a little more connected and less lonely if you sent your friends a St Patrick's Day email, perhaps?  I know it's not as fun as a real celebration but maybe it would help.

Anyway, here is a big HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY from me. :)
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Offline Ponybookworm

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Re: Painfully Shy & Trouble Opening Up - Can Anyone Relate???
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2020, 04:45:06 AM »
Snuggle my plushie sharky Bakana or your fave Pony plushie if physical contact wi another human is too much for you (it can be for some people)!!! Sending you my online love. I myself have my own issues connecting to others & sit alone, wi no friends, hardly leaving the house. I even hate my surname!!! Yep it's hard, especially learning to trust after being betrayed too many times xxx Hang in there xxx
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Offline Ponyfan

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Re: Painfully Shy & Trouble Opening Up - Can Anyone Relate???
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2020, 04:56:29 AM »
I can also relate. I also have trouble opening up to people I don't really know and it can sometimes be mistaken as being aloof.  I have a few real life friends but they live too far away for us to get together.

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« Last Edit: March 18, 2020, 01:53:53 PM by Ponyfan »
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Re: Painfully Shy & Trouble Opening Up - Can Anyone Relate???
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2020, 10:33:16 AM »
I think this is a reality for more people than you realise. Just because television, media, adverts etc show all these happy smily people with their deep social interactions doesn't mean everyone else but you finds it easy. It's harder and harder in this world anyway. And sometimes, other people are frankly horrible, and that can be hard to recover from.

As a person with autism I've had varying experiences. I've the unfortunate problem that all my genuine close friends are either not in the same country as me (we went to uni together) and those that are are now not in the same region. So I don't get to hang out with real friends very much. The last time I did was before I left London in the summer.

Basically what I want to say is that you are not alone, even if you think you are. Hang on in there :hug:

To be honest I find it very hard to post about real life problems on this board too - not because I hate the people here or don't trust some of them, but because I'm not sure if I want to discuss those things in tangible detail. I have this problem in real life too. I learned as a kid being bullied at school that if I made a fuss or showed how I felt people would fuss around me and that would increase my anxiety and make me feel worse about myself. So I learned to shut it in and smile over it and frankly, that's not a good habit to build (but as a kid it was my coping mechanism against some pretty horrible treatment by my school's headteacher).

It means I generally internalise a lot and that can be difficult - people can misunderstand that as being aloof and are sometimes very hurtful in their assumptions (although of course they can't read my mind). The problem I have is that if I break down those defences it can have a much deeper emotional impact on me than it might with other people. It may be a bit different for me, being autistic, as it's generally known now (by people who care to find out) that a lot of autistic people have more emotional capacity than most people but less control over managing it, so very small things can create huge tremors in our mental state and sometimes the thought of that makes it easier to just avoid and not put yourself in that position in the first place.

 I don't want you to think that feeling awkward about posting here is somehow rude. It isn't - on the contrary, being able to post here is actually pretty brave IMO.

« Last Edit: March 18, 2020, 10:40:07 AM by Taffeta »
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Offline SpacePinto

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Re: Painfully Shy & Trouble Opening Up - Can Anyone Relate???
« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2020, 11:50:10 AM »
As someone with social skills of a cauliflower, I can totally relate. It doesn't bother me that much though, since I never really liked people anyway (with a very few exceptions) and I know how to entertain myself.
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Offline Zapper

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Re: Painfully Shy & Trouble Opening Up - Can Anyone Relate???
« Reply #6 on: March 18, 2020, 10:19:53 PM »
The thing is, if you are so afraid of rejection there can be deeper issues at play. Ask yourself why not connecting with people is preferable to a possible rejection. Why is rejection so bad to you? Does it insult your pride or make you feel worthless? Really, only you can answer that for yourself. And then based on this you can work on yourself.

There is no "one size fits all" solution.