Pony Talk > Off Topic

Where do you go to make new friends as an adult?

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Zapper:
This subject has been on my mind for a while. I noticed that things changed since I was a teenager and it was normal to chat up same-aged people and have a convo, get to know them. To add a bit of info, my teens are 13 years ago :lol:

I didn't exactly struggle before to meet new people because I was school hopping and had way more hobbies that required being part of a team or club or something. I also have a group of friends but they are scattered and not often available due to jobs, life, etc. I met most of them via school.

I sometimes meet new people via my friends (so, friend's friends) or at parties but I noticed real new friendships don't evolve from that. It seems like people are really lazy about communication these days (a lot of them hate to pick up a call, they just want to text and rarely meet in public?)
I also blame social media where people are just dumping their life and expect you to follow it and do your own research on them.

So... what do you specifically do to meet new people?
And... how do you approach people with intentions of friendship? Especially women seem to be really suspicious these days about being "creeped on" and I generally avoid talking to men that much because they might think I want to flirt with them.

Do you usually meet people at parties and it turns into friendship organically? Do you approach people at social gatherings? Teach me your ways :lol:

caseysealia:
Well, have you tried meeting people through shared hobbies? If you like knitting, go to a knitting club. Mutual friends are a big thing. Libraries usually have programs on various things and I've had luck at those. I just crack jokes when meeting new people then introduce myself. I know they're just as nervous as I am, so that makes it easier.

It'll take a while. But you'll meet people you enjoy being with. I'm in the same boat as far as looking for new friends and it's been difficult.

Zapper:

--- Quote from: caseysealia on September 21, 2019, 09:17:02 AM ---It'll take a while. But you'll meet people you enjoy being with. I'm in the same boat as far as looking for new friends and it's been difficult.

--- End quote ---

Good luck to you then! I try to do the hobby thing but it's tough when the majority of my hobbies revolve around things I can do at home now.
It was different when I was still doing sports and theater but heh, I gots no money for that anymore. It all changed when my student status expired. I was doing a lot of things offered to students for a small fee, that really helped getting myself out there and seeing new faces.

Now I can be lucky if I see one of my friends once a week. There is no constant texting or sharing anymore. I never thought I'd miss being a student :P

I am looking for events where I can meet people and so far I have had luck with parties where I met cool new people but they didn't cross over to friend territory and I wonder what it takes? We are basically "party friends", that's so strange to me. Like we only see each other once or twice a month to dance. And there doesn't seem to be enough interest to do other things together.

I am also having some issues with age differences. I am bad at judging a person's age so sometimes I chat up younger people and they act creeped out like I was going "hello fellow kids" :lol: It's a bit of a mine field.

Honeycomb:
I'm going to follow this topic, as I have been wondering this myself. In severe need of some friends right now, but no idea where to look. Doesn't help that I'm still pretty much on bedrest for the next few weeks.

LadyMoondancer:
For me, the key was finding groups of people interested in the same hobbies and then attending meetups with them until some of us clicked and formed our own friend-group.  It does take A LOT more work as a working adult than as a teenager or a college student.

Most of my local friends group came from joining a Facebook group dedicated to Transformers that had meetups.  These days I have about six or seven good friends who I met from that, but we also do non-TF things, like this weekend some of us are going to an ice cream festival and next week we're going bowling.  On average we meet about 1.5 times a month.

Keeping in touch and arranging to meet up:  it is a challenge.  A lot of working adults have complicated and ever-shifting schedules.  "Oops, can't meet that weekend after all, I have a work event" (or relatives visiting or "it's my mom's birthday" or whatever.)  In my experience the best way to arrange things, for a group, is either some kind of group chat (like Facebook messenger chat or Discord chat) or else email, where you CC everyone on the email.  Also, Facebook events are extremely useful.

Text or phone is okay if you're arranging something with just one person.  A lot of people do hate using the phone, and I'm one of them, lol. I really only answer the phone if I am expecting a call, like from the vet.  Talking to someone in real time with no visual cues is awful.

Another good place to meet friends:  Dungons & Dragons (or any pen-and-paper RPG).  You might only be meeting with a D&D group once a week--or once every couple weeks in the case of my group, because we are so busy--but sessions last several hours so there's lots of bonding time.  And you can almost count on something stupidly funny happening once per session, at the very least.  If you've never played before, check your local game shops for Adventurer's League, which is the intro "drop in as you are" type session, no experience required.  But for making friends, a "home" group is best.

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