Where do you go to make new friends as an adult?

[Zapper]

This subject has been on my mind for a while. I noticed that things changed since I was a teenager and it was normal to chat up same-aged people and have a convo, get to know them. To add a bit of info, my teens are 13 years ago

I didn't exactly struggle before to meet new people because I was school hopping and had way more hobbies that required being part of a team or club or something. I also have a group of friends but they are scattered and not often available due to jobs, life, etc. I met most of them via school.

I sometimes meet new people via my friends (so, friend's friends) or at parties but I noticed real new friendships don't evolve from that. It seems like people are really lazy about communication these days (a lot of them hate to pick up a call, they just want to text and rarely meet in public?)
I also blame social media where people are just dumping their life and expect you to follow it and do your own research on them.

So... what do you specifically do to meet new people?
And... how do you approach people with intentions of friendship? Especially women seem to be really suspicious these days about being "creeped on" and I generally avoid talking to men that much because they might think I want to flirt with them.

Do you usually meet people at parties and it turns into friendship organically? Do you approach people at social gatherings? Teach me your ways

[caseysealia]

Well, have you tried meeting people through shared hobbies? If you like knitting, go to a knitting club. Mutual friends are a big thing. Libraries usually have programs on various things and I've had luck at those. I just crack jokes when meeting new people then introduce myself. I know they're just as nervous as I am, so that makes it easier.

It'll take a while. But you'll meet people you enjoy being with. I'm in the same boat as far as looking for new friends and it's been difficult.

[Zapper]

It'll take a while. But you'll meet people you enjoy being with. I'm in the same boat as far as looking for new friends and it's been difficult.

Good luck to you then! I try to do the hobby thing but it's tough when the majority of my hobbies revolve around things I can do at home now.
It was different when I was still doing sports and theater but heh, I gots no money for that anymore. It all changed when my student status expired. I was doing a lot of things offered to students for a small fee, that really helped getting myself out there and seeing new faces.

Now I can be lucky if I see one of my friends once a week. There is no constant texting or sharing anymore. I never thought I'd miss being a student

I am looking for events where I can meet people and so far I have had luck with parties where I met cool new people but they didn't cross over to friend territory and I wonder what it takes? We are basically "party friends", that's so strange to me. Like we only see each other once or twice a month to dance. And there doesn't seem to be enough interest to do other things together.

I am also having some issues with age differences. I am bad at judging a person's age so sometimes I chat up younger people and they act creeped out like I was going "hello fellow kids" It's a bit of a mine field.

[Honeycomb]

I'm going to follow this topic, as I have been wondering this myself. In severe need of some friends right now, but no idea where to look. Doesn't help that I'm still pretty much on bedrest for the next few weeks.

[LadyMoondancer]

For me, the key was finding groups of people interested in the same hobbies and then attending meetups with them until some of us clicked and formed our own friend-group.  It does take A LOT more work as a working adult than as a teenager or a college student.

Most of my local friends group came from joining a Facebook group dedicated to Transformers that had meetups.  These days I have about six or seven good friends who I met from that, but we also do non-TF things, like this weekend some of us are going to an ice cream festival and next week we're going bowling.  On average we meet about 1.5 times a month.

Keeping in touch and arranging to meet up:  it is a challenge.  A lot of working adults have complicated and ever-shifting schedules.  "Oops, can't meet that weekend after all, I have a work event" (or relatives visiting or "it's my mom's birthday" or whatever.)  In my experience the best way to arrange things, for a group, is either some kind of group chat (like Facebook messenger chat or Discord chat) or else email, where you CC everyone on the email.  Also, Facebook events are extremely useful.

Text or phone is okay if you're arranging something with just one person.  A lot of people do hate using the phone, and I'm one of them, lol. I really only answer the phone if I am expecting a call, like from the vet.  Talking to someone in real time with no visual cues is awful.

Another good place to meet friends:  Dungons & Dragons (or any pen-and-paper RPG).  You might only be meeting with a D&D group once a week--or once every couple weeks in the case of my group, because we are so busy--but sessions last several hours so there's lots of bonding time.  And you can almost count on something stupidly funny happening once per session, at the very least.  If you've never played before, check your local game shops for Adventurer's League, which is the intro "drop in as you are" type session, no experience required.  But for making friends, a "home" group is best.

[pickwick_pirate]

Ah, the great mystery of adult life.

I short not a clue. My "friend" group consists of a few people I work with and we dont really communicate or see each other out of work. Art is my only hobby that probably has clubs that get me out of the house, but theres few where I live on at times I can get too, bar one where everyone is old enough to be my grandparent. (They are all lovely people though.)  Facebook groups are a great way to meet local people who may have similar interest and want to have meets ups or what ever, but I'm personally behining to find with the things I'm interested in, I'm older than a lot of them and it just makes me feel like a wierd old lady 

I think, working age adult loneliness is a real thing, you lose all your teen/early adult friends and it would then appear you make none again until you retire.

Not exactly helpful, but I completely share your sentiment of HOW! How do you make friends???

[Ponyfan]

I have the same problem. I have a few people that I consider friends at work but we never see each other outside of work. There is one friend that will sometimes text me if she notices I haven't been in for a while to check on me but otherwise no one contacts me outside of work.  I don't like going to bars or clubs and I have even had to listen to coworkers talk about what they are planning to do together after work and no one ever invites me to go with them. I don't feel comfortable inviting myself to these activities they've planned together but sometimes I get lonely. I do have a few friends but were are separated by great distances so it's not possible to do something local with them.


Ponyfan 

[Beldarna]

I have that problem as well. I have a few friends but are lucky if I see one once a month to be honest. I've tried two different things so far.

1) I downloaded an app that was like Tinder but for women seeking new friends and I chatted with some but it all just dwindled out. One woman wrote to me and did not like that I did not read and respond quick enough so she looked me up on facebook two hours later and wrote a message there as well. I was at work at the time and dont wear my phone so it was just a matter of hours and I thought that was a bit creepy that she could not wait and the more we chatted the more creeped out I became so I ended up blocking her and was glad my profilepic on both places at the time was me in Halloween costume so she would not recognice me. I kind of left the app after that.

2) I joined a facebook group for woman seeking woman friends where I also met up with a girl and it was nice and all but we didn't click at all.

Sadly, most women on both places want to meet over wine and go out and party, while I'm more of a nerd that likes to fika or just go for a walk. This was why the girl from the facebook groupl wanted to meet me as she felt the same, just so bad we didn't hit it off. I guess when two introverts meet and none take the lead it will go that way, but I am one experience richer at least . I hope with some patience someone nice and fun will show up there.

Unfortunaly, meeting people in the gym or at work don't lead to friendships here. I swim a couple of times a week but never talk to the other ones there and the people at work are nice and all and we have fun together, but we just don't hang after hours, even during the yearly christmas dinner it just feels weird and off.

[Barnacle_lady]

My way of meeting new people besides pony meeting and conventions is going to a social event that "connects". I am a member of a synagogue who organizes lots of events besides the regular services. I pick the event that I like and I have a good time with the people over there. But deep inside I also hope to meet that "special person" one day at such event

[reddsetgogirl]

There is a website called Meet Up which is global for people to create all sorts of social groups for activity.  I run a Shakespeare reading group through it but have previously attended other groups.

Hobbies are a brilliant way to make new friendships.  After an abusive ex didn’t want me having friends outside of him, I found myself very alone once that relationship thankfully ended.  I have many amazing friends now just from attending a local video game group six years ago.  Look up every hobby or interest you have and see what is around locally that ties into it.  You just have to put yourself out there to make it a possibility.  Sure, many hobbies you can do alone or at home but the hobby is just the ice breaker to social situations.

Another thing you could try is simply telling the friends you have that you want to expand your social circle and do they know anyone that you don’t already that they think you might get along with.  I think a lot of adults understand that making new friends as an adult is difficult so they wouldn’t have a problem helping you make new connections.

[EnaRocketQueen]

I have exactly this problem. I have no close friends at all other than some at work that let me tag along when they're doing something social. I don't talk to anyone I went to school with, as I was isolated then and when I went to college everyone knew each other already and didn't bother including me. I start a new job in November and hopefully will be going to uni next year so I hope that will help me.

I agree with the hobby groups thing, also maybe meeting people online, though obviously take the necessary precautions!

[Galactica]

For me, the key was finding groups of people interested in the same hobbies and then attending meetups with them until some of us clicked and formed our own friend-group.  It does take A LOT more work as a working adult than as a teenager or a college student.

Most of my local friends group came from joining a Facebook group dedicated to Transformers that had meetups.  These days I have about six or seven good friends who I met from that, but we also do non-TF things, like this weekend some of us are going to an ice cream festival and next week we're going bowling.  On average we meet about 1.5 times a month.

Keeping in touch and arranging to meet up:  it is a challenge.  A lot of working adults have complicated and ever-shifting schedules.  "Oops, can't meet that weekend after all, I have a work event" (or relatives visiting or "it's my mom's birthday" or whatever.)  In my experience the best way to arrange things, for a group, is either some kind of group chat (like Facebook messenger chat or Discord chat) or else email, where you CC everyone on the email.  Also, Facebook events are extremely useful.

Text or phone is okay if you're arranging something with just one person.  A lot of people do hate using the phone, and I'm one of them, lol. I really only answer the phone if I am expecting a call, like from the vet.  Talking to someone in real time with no visual cues is awful.

Another good place to meet friends:  Dungons & Dragons (or any pen-and-paper RPG).  You might only be meeting with a D&D group once a week--or once every couple weeks in the case of my group, because we are so busy--but sessions last several hours so there's lots of bonding time.  And you can almost count on something stupidly funny happening once per session, at the very least.  If you've never played before, check your local game shops for Adventurer's League, which is the intro "drop in as you are" type session, no experience required.  But for making friends, a "home" group is best.

Okay I second all of this. 

I will add that you should really FORCE yourself to go to at least 3-4 "meets" before making any decisions about whether you are even enjoying it or likely to make friends.  Even if YOU are completely comfortable around new people (fat chance) there is a 0% chance that everyone in that group is- and it will probably take at least that long for people to start acting more normally so you (and they) can simply get a better read and have more natural conversations.

DON'T give up if after the first meetup you felt awkward or shy-  you have to try again until you are not feeling awkward or shy- it is only then you have a chance of actually connecting with anyone.   Unless of course both you AND the other people are all just NATURALLY comfortable around all new people - which does happen but it is pretty dang rare.

[LadyMoondancer]

I will add that you should really FORCE yourself to go to at least 3-4 "meets" before making any decisions about whether you are even enjoying it or likely to make friends.  Even if YOU are completely comfortable around new people (fat chance) there is a 0% chance that everyone in that group is- and it will probably take at least that long for people to start acting more normally so you (and they) can simply get a better read and have more natural conversations.

DON'T give up if after the first meetup you felt awkward or shy-  you have to try again until you are not feeling awkward or shy- it is only then you have a chance of actually connecting with anyone.   Unless of course both you AND the other people are all just NATURALLY comfortable around all new people - which does happen but it is pretty dang rare.

YES.  I felt so shy and awkward at my first few meetups with the aforementioned group.  I think I cried at home after the first one because I was so stressed out.  (Nothing "went wrong", but I felt overwhelmed and felt like everyone else in the world was good at Socializing except me.)  But I kept going got used to them and they got used to me, and now I have a bunch of cool friends who think I'm cool too. 

[Dragonflitter]

Meetup.com! I have made new friends who are writers, new friends who play table gaming, and new friends who are knitting, all through Meetup.com. You can put in the amount of miles you are willing to travel, and search by keywords to find people who have created groups and events local to you who are looking to have people join their group.

There's hundreds of groups out there. There are some groups who are like "women over 50 who want to get together and have lunch and chat" or "groups that want to see new movies at the theater together" or "groups that want to hike in a local park once a week". Alternatively, there are groups with specific goals, like DnD groups that meet once a week at a specific coffee shop, or a writing group that agrees to get together bi-weekly and edit each other's manuscripts.

The only problem is that meetup.com used to be free but now you have to pay to create a group, so that limits the number of events you're going to find in your area, especially if you're rural.

If you want to start your own group, you can also put in a rule that people should bring a couple bucks to each meeting/event, to help cover the cost of your group.

[reddsetgogirl]

On a similar note, you have to really make a conscious effort to put yourself out there and talk to strangers.  I spent most of my life terribly shy until I decided that I had to make myself change.  I can really easily talk to strangers now which I use to dread and avoid whenever possible.

I started small by extending conversations initiated by someone else.  If someone complimented my bag or something I wore I would say thank you and compliment them on something of theirs or explain where I got my thing or if I had an amusing story about it, tell them it.

I started saying more.  Instead of “thank you”, I now say “thank you so much” or if the situation calls for it “thank you, I really appreciate you doing that for me”.  I found it makes people really listen to what you say when you don’t say the default reply.  Even if you never see that person again, use every human interaction as practice.

At social events with people you do know, try and talk to as many people you don’t know as possible.  Even if other people are talking together, it’s ok to linger and insert yourself into the conversation when the timing is right.  By hanging around with obvious “include me” cues, more often than not people will recognise this and let you in.  Exclusively talking to people you already know or isolating yourself in a corner will never result in new friendships.  It’s hard and awkward but you just have to put yourself out there and engage.  If you feel like you have nothing to add to the current topic, change it or ask questions.

If it fails miserably (which is honestly unlikely), so what, you’ll probably never see them again and even if you do, they won’t remember it the same way you do.  When I first started I would make myself a goal such as “when I go to church I will talk to one person I don’t know” or “I cannot leave until I’ve spoken to two people”.