Pony Grave Robbing? Need Advice / Perspective Please!

[whoisashleigh]

Hi all, I don't post here much but this was pony related and I'm in desperate need of some perspective/advice.

WARNING: CONTAINS DEATH.

Basically, I go on a walk every other day, and I usually walk around/past a large childrens' playground by a river. Often there's toys discarded, and I try put them somewhere kids can get them but they won't fall off, because I know how upset kids get when their toys go missing. If nobody re-claims them in a couple of days, I usually take them home, clean them up, and either keep them or donate them to charity. Sometimes they also run down the river when it overflows, as it does when it storms.

On Sunday, my friend said she saw a MLP in the area but it was stuck in a bush and she didn't have time to grab it out. I went down Tuesday (had a storm sun-mon) and she was there, in a bush like my friend said, a bit off my usual route. I pulled her out and she looked a bit sad - mud caked and whatnot, a lot like the ones that get pushed down by the river - but definitely too far up the bank to have come from that. I put her where I hoped she'd be found and decided to check again today.

Today, I came by, and she'd somehow ended up out of the bush on the other side of the path. I picked her up, rubbed her off as best I could, and kept walking.

On the way back, though...

I saw, maybe two metres from the pony's location, a grave marker. Basically some thick rope/ribbon on one of the young trees, with flowers all around it. The dates were a bit worn but clearly it was for a young kid, a couple of years ago. And judging by the flowers, it was well looked-after and also a girl. It was clearly not official, either, as there are official plaques all around and well marked on maps and this definitely wasn't one, it was very hidden and unmarked and amateur.

I felt absolutely guilty as hell. Again, this is off my usual route so I'd never seen it, but it seemed almost definite that the pony must have gone with this stuff. All of it had been there a while and wasn't well attached, but there was clearly fresh things there. So I cleaned the pony as best I could on the grass and tried wedging her into the next tree over.

I came away feeling deeply guilty and conflicted.

I don't know if the pony belongs there. I don't know anything about the girl - or boy, or whoever. I wish I could have cleaned it up more either way. But I'm also aware it's highly illegal to put graves, grave markers, or scatter remains in that area, because it's a playground in a nature reserve so could be dangerous on a lot of levels, not to mention there's no official person to take care of that stuff. I also have a relative with a chair we donated in her name in that park (hence knowing the laws about it,) and I've had people vandalise it so I know how taking the pony could have potentially broken someone heart - but only if it was supposed to be there in the first place, which again I don't know. And I can't ask anywhere, because drawing attention to it, could get the whole thing removed by the council and I'd hate to do that to someone.

I'm just feeling a bit messed up about it all. If anyone has any advice, or experience, or just some nice words, I could do with it right about now.

[Loa]

I'm not sure what you are asking advice on?

[RavenPaw]

Oh my, I'd feel ambivalent and messed up too!     I wish I knew what to tell you, but I have no clue.  Just wanted to give you a virtual hug and tell you it's okay.  Wish there was a way to find out if that pony belonged there, or if it was just another toy that got washed down.  Maybe it just was left there by a kid.  Either way, try not to fret over it too much. 

[RandomPony]

I'm not sure on how I can help ya on this...I mean if that was me I'll be like holy cow! you know. I wouldn't want to seem disrespectful towards the child.

[Baby Sugarberry]

I wouldn't be concerned. 
Graves are for those left behind, not the departed. Dead people are dead.  They don't care anymore. TBH I'd probably take the pony home and clean it up, because it's just going to rot away left out in the open.  Most toys aren't meant to survive outside in the elements.

[lhaldimann]

I wouldn't be concerned. 
Graves are for those left behind, not the departed. Dead people are dead.  They don't care anymore. TBH I'd probably take the pony home and clean it up, because it's just going to rot away left out in the open.  Most toys aren't meant to survive outside in the elements.

I would do that too.

, but there was clearly fresh things there.

If someome still come, you could leave a note if it eases your mind.

[Cough Sirup]

A child's grave sounds like an awful thing to stumble on. ( º_º ) I can see why you're so distressed by it.

I wouldn't be concerned. 
Graves are for those left behind, not the departed. Dead people are dead.  They don't care anymore. TBH I'd probably take the pony home and clean it up, because it's just going to rot away left out in the open.  Most toys aren't meant to survive outside in the elements.

I agree with this. If the toy was very deeply loved, it also is a bit of a kind tribute to restore it and keep it safe, in my eyes. But that's just me. (´u`)ゞ

[Zapper]

I wouldn't be concerned. 
Graves are for those left behind, not the departed. Dead people are dead.  They don't care anymore. TBH I'd probably take the pony home and clean it up, because it's just going to rot away left out in the open.  Most toys aren't meant to survive outside in the elements.

I agree with this. A pony just like any other plastic toy is an environmental problem. Leaving it wedged in a bush is littering if you look at it objectively.
It's not like you went on an actual graveyard and took the decorations. This is an unofficial marker somewhere in the wild and you are doing anyone a favor by picking up these toys in the first place. Especially when you are donating them.

What pony was it?

[banditpony]

My thoughts.. and I'm someone who feels sentimental for no reason, and the thought of a child's grave makes me sad...

You found the pony in a bush.. you didn't pick it off a memorial. You even left it in plain site, so it gave opportunity for whoever might maintain that site to see it.

You are cleaning it up for charity. That's so sweet. another kid will be able to enjoy that toy. I think anyone who isn't selfish would be happy to know their possession made someone else happy after they are gone.

And again, because I am sentimental, I might leave a few flowers in that spot as a thank you. Or paint a little pony on a tiny rock and put it on the memorial

[Ponyfan]

I don't think you should feel guilty. You found the pony in a bush and didn't take it directly from the memorial site. You left the pony where it could be easily seen and if someone came by and knew the pony was part of the memorial they could have just put it back.  You didn't do anything wrong.


Ponyfan

[Leave a Whisper]

I don't think you should feel guilty. You found the pony in a bush and didn't take it directly from the memorial site. You left the pony where it could be easily seen and if someone came by and knew the pony was part of the memorial they could have just put it back.  You didn't do anything wrong.


Ponyfan

This

[Galactica]

I don't know if things in NZ are different- but in the US something like what you are describing is not likely to be an actual grave site- most likely just a memorial site for a child or young person who died or was killed.  Could also be where they liked to spend time. Friends family leave flowers/toys/candles as a way of grieving and saying goodbye. 

Often they look rather terrible a few weeks later, especially the stuffed toys. There was something like that erected right on a downtown street corner for a friend of mine who was killed-
I hated seeing it weeks later as the flowers are dead and the momentos and things that were left are starting to look dirty and degraded.  Fortunately someone seems to be cleaning the area up.

I think it is a GOOD thing when someone comes by and takes away the dead flowers and toys that are getting filthy and rotten looking. It's just too sad to look at. 

I bet what you saw was that, and not a grave site. 

I don't think what you did was "stealing" from the memorial.

[tulagirl]

Well, I know here in my city.  They put memorials up close to the areas where someone has passed away.  In our city you can't remove stuff from those memorials as the memorials are legal here.  I see families going to visit the memorials from time to time, leaving new things and decorating the space.

I would not take this on.  This was a total accident on your part.  Maybe you can go back and take some toys and leave them there.  This is an idea that I could see myself doing.  I also admit I have not read this entire thread for lack of time.  If it was suggested before..well we think alike lol.  Please don't be hard on yourself.  I do not feel you were stealing.

[Taffeta]

In the UK this happens too, flowers, toys, etc. There was a white bicycle which was on a road island at King's Cross for ages and there;s now a more out of the way but still informal memorial for the person at the leisure centre about ten minutes from there, so I assume this individual had a connection to that place in life.

I personally don't think the OP did anything wrong at any step in this, and certainly shouldn't fret.

Would I have taken the pony home? No. It's not my pony. Whether it was or wasn't part of the memorial isn't for me to decide. For me, if it was, then it was put there because it was a memory from the family to the child, even if the child themselves is no longer there - people do find these things comforting to do when they lose someone. Also, in the UK, some of these memorials are not visited daily by people but on anniversaries of events. It would be unhealthy to visit the place every day when real life goes on, but there are areas I've noticed around London where I used to live that would around certain times suddenly get fresh memorials. One particularly sad near my old apartment which was decorated again mostly around Christmas, which is when the individual died.

So if the pony was put there, it doesn't necessarily follow that it strayed because it wasn't part of a memorial nor does it mean nobody would have come and missed it. Just that nobody did in the time period we're talking about.

But even if the pony isn't part of the memorial, I still wouldn't have taken it home, myself. Aside the fact it could belong to a child who dropped it and might have been put in the bush to attract attention, it is also not my place as an adult to start taking home random toys I find lying around. I know there are mixed views on this, but again, it's not my pony. And just as the previous owner (if deceased) "no longer cares", the pony is plastic and also doesn't care.

I agree that it's not a great environmental thing to leave plastic out in the open. But there is a difference to me from seeing a plastic toy dumped in a skip or by a bin and one that's questionably near a memorial or in a place where it might be designed to catch the attention of the original owner.

I don't think we should take home other people's ponies, period. And I think the OP did nothing wrong, but I also think the OP did right to put the pony back and walk on. Ponies don't need rescuing, they're not alive - and without knowing the full circumstances of the situation and whether it was part of the memorial, it is better to leave well alone.