Being Bipolar?

[Faeriefalls]

Hey all. I've reached a point in my life where I've realised I'm not experiencing normal things in my day to day life, and my perception of reality is in fact coping with difficult mental states. I've been depressed since high school, despite my mum denying that when I opened up to her. She said depression is just not dealing with your problems, and I spent a lot of time dwelling on this and feeling lost. As an adult living on my own, I have reached a point where coping is just not good enough. My older brother was diagnosed with Bipolar about 2 years ago but until recently, I wasn't 100% clear on what that meant until he finally told me (he is a hard nut to crack) and I realised I share a lot of the same symptoms that he does. Again, despite his diagnoses, mum denies it and says he's just an emotional being. I've come to realise this may be her way of not dealing with the notion that her children could ever struggle or have anything the matter with them. Unfortunately, this has ended up being a rather difficult topic to broach. 

So I am making the decision to see my local GP next week and ask for a specialist assessment on what I may possibly be battling with inside my head and how I can manage it, should anything be wrong. I just wanted to reach out here and ask if anyone has any advice or experience coming to terms with the possibility of having something legitimately different inside you, or at least something legitimately there that you are having to manage, and it's quantifiable and real. A lot of my problems stem from having my concerns invalidated and ignored when I was younger. This is a scary step for me!  <3

[Shaz]

A lot of my problems stem from having my concerns invalidated and ignored when I was younger.

I identify with this so much as I went through most of my life with undiagnosed mental & neurological problems and was always being told to just pull myself together or work harder. Getting an official diagnosis really helps, knowing that your struggles are real and have a name can really make a difference - and of course it can pave the way towards getting whatever sort of support might make life easier for you. Being told you definitely have something 'different' can be both validating and emotional, and it might take some time to accept, but for what it's worth, I think you are doing the right thing getting assessed. I don't know much about bipolar disorder so I can't offer any specific advice about that, sorry. But I am sending positive thoughts your way!

[tailrustedtealeaf]

Sending lots of positive vibes and hoping that getting help with it will help you find a way to better manage it. It really stinks that your mom seems to just not accept that you or your brother may have any sort of depression, and it's a lot more than just "not dealing with your problems". My mother did something similar until both me and my sister needed therapy to work through anxiety-related problems, and now she seems to have gotten a wake-up call. Not having her believe my/her problems were something that needed professional help made it a lot worse.
I can say that it's good that you are seeking professional help rather than letting it dwell inside you. I know that therapy isn't for anyone, but it helped me to work through my problems and prevented them from becoming worse. Many pony hugs for you!

[Taffeta]

I agree with what has already been said. I can't personally comment on bipolar but I do know from personal experience with other things.

Sometimes it's as you say, parents struggle to come to terms with the idea their kid might be different and thus go into denial. That then gets pushed onto the kid as an expectation to 'normalise' as opposed to really exploring what might be happening and how to help that. I wasn't diagnosed with autism till I was 23, and I experienced a lot of problems around "normalising" prior to that. I still do, but the label at least allows me to explain to people, even if not all people are open to listening.

I would go through your plan and find out first if there is something (whatever it is) that the doctors can help you with. Get yourself in a position where you feel able to deal with it and talk about it, and THEN maybe address it with your mother. Calmly and rationally if possible. But it might not be possible to break that barrier down. I was really lucky with my family, they accepted it and don't really bother about it - but I have worked with students who have your situation and it sucks. Unfortunately the problem is theirs, not yours, so you can't fix it - but the impact is on you, not them.

Lots of luck with your appointment. I hope you find answers

[Cactusflower]

My degree is in psychology and I've worked with many individuals with mental illness, as well as coping with my own mental health. Good for you for seeking clarity and help. My personal thoughts on mental health are that most people have at some point in their lives struggled with mental health. Although I'm not a huge fans of labels, due to the negative effects, labels do help group symptoms together and can identify treatment options.

As for your mother, I'm sorry she hasn't been able to be more helpful or supportive. It's probably coming from a lack of understanding about mental health or her own inability to deal with it. It's staggering how this day in age, people still have many erroneous ideas about mental illness. Maybe buy her a nice, educational book on mental health for Christmas.

On a personal note, I've struggled with my own mental health for about 30 years. I'm educated in mental health, I'm proactive and I work hard at everything I do, and yet, I still struggle. I constantly question why I'm not in better shape, why haven't I kicked this or outgrown it or a million other questions about why, why, why. The answer is we don't know why and we may never know why some people have certain issues and others do not. The best we can do is acknowledge the problem and do our best to take care of ourselves and use coping strategies to improve our lives. You're on the right track.

Pony hugs.
Cactusflower

[Faeriefalls]

Thank you guys. I won't know for sure what I am tackling, because there's a good chance it's simply a long standing Depression. I am also working 5-6 days a week so I'm thoroughly exhausted constantly. I just needed somewhere to be open about what's going on. Thank you so much for the supportive words.