MLP history - Thanks for the help! :)

[Sunset]

So I volunteered to write up a placard for a My Little Pony display and I'd like you all to look over it and give me your opinions.  It's a public display where many non-fans will see it and there are only G1 in the display so I focused on that.  I also wanted to keep it down to only 1 page with a font size that isn't illegible.  So I had to be succinct.   But any way, tell me what you think.

First draft:

Spoiler

My Little Pony

For centuries the horse was humanity’s primary mode of transportation, inspiring art and poetry.  It is no small wonder then that the horse has also been a common theme in children’s toys from the simplest hobby horse, being nothing more than a head on a stick, to the work of art that is an elaborately carved carousel horse.  For years, as technologies evolved, the goal was always to make a more realistic horse toy, more realistically molded, more realistically painted. 

That is until 1982 when Hasbro introduced an entirely new type of horse toy.

The year previously, in 1981, Hasbro had brought to market My Pretty Pony which was a large hard plastic pony, created by illustrator Bonnie Zacherle and sculptor Charles Muenchinger.  It had brush-able hair and all kinds of small mechanical features, toys that “did something” being all the rage at the time.  However, My Pretty Pony was only a moderate success. 

After going back to the drawing board, Hasbro came back in the following year, 1982, with the rebranded My Little Pony.  She did not look at all like other horse toys of the time which were usually made of a hard material and realistically molded and painted.  She was small, she was soft, and she was brightly colored.  She had hair that could be brushed and each pony had a unique “rump design” (commonly referred to as a “symbol” among collectors). 
And she was popular.  Massively popular.  It is estimated that 150 million ponies where sold worldwide during the 1980’s.

Why was My Little Pony so popular?
While one of the criticisms of early generations of My Little Pony was “flat” characters and a “fluid” cannon, the beauty of this type of toy was that each pony was a blank canvas upon which each child could write her own story and create her own characters.  My Little Pony appealed to children who dreamed of owning their own real pony and the pony’s brush-able hair provided hair play for those children who were less enamored of fashion dolls.  Also marketing of My Little Pony in this era leaned heavily on the collectability aspect of the brand resulting in hundreds of individual characters with reissues being rare. 
The first generation of My Little Pony lasted from 1982 to 1992 (and until 1995 internationally.)  It included two tv specials, a full length animated movie, and two television shows plus merchandise of everything from clothing, bedding, and games to porcelain figures and electronics.

Since the original line of My Little Pony, Hasbro has rebranded roughly once a decade (or more), sometimes meeting with more success than others.  With each new rebranding a new generation of My Little Pony is born, from the 1997 Generation 2 to the 2003 Generation 3 to the current Generation 4 which started in 2010.

edited 2nd draft

Spoiler

My Little Pony

For centuries the horse was humanity’s primary mode of transportation, inspiring art and poetry.  It is no small wonder then that the horse has also been a common theme in children’s toys from the simplest rocking horse to the work of art that is an elaborately carved carousel steed.  As technologies evolved, so too did toy horses yielding ever more faithful reproductions. 
That is until 1982 when Hasbro introduced an entirely new type of horse toy.

The year previously Hasbro brought to market My Pretty Pony which was a large hard plastic pony, created by illustrator Bonnie Zacherle and sculptor Charles Muenchinger with brushable hair and mechanical features typically popular for the era.  However, My Pretty Pony was only a moderate success. 

After going back to the drawing board, Hasbro came back in the following year, 1982, with the rebranded My Little Pony.  Unlike the realistic horse toys of the time, My Little Ponies were small, soft and brightly colored, each with a unique painted design on either flank.
Hasbro’s new ponies were massively popular.  An estimated 150 million were sold worldwide during the 1980’s.

My Little Pony appealed to children who dreamed of owning their own real pony and the pony’s brush-able hair provided hair made them an alternative to fashion dolls.  Later toys also capitalized on the popularity of unicorns and pegasi which add an additional fantasy element.  Marketing of My Little Pony in this era leaned heavily on the collectability aspect of the brand resulting in hundreds of individual characters. 

The first generation of My Little Pony lasted from 1982 to 1992 and until 1995 in some international markets.  It included two tv specials, a full length animated movie, and two television shows plus merchandise of everything from clothing to housewares, books, games and electronics.
Since the original line of My Little Pony, Hasbro has rebranded roughly once a decade with variable success.  With each new rebranding a new generation of My Little Pony is born, from the 1997 Generation 2 to the 2003 Generation 3 to the current Generation 4 which started in 2010 and is ongoing.

draft #3

Spoiler

My Little Pony

For centuries the horse was humanity’s primary mode of transportation, inspiring art and poetry.  It is no small wonder then that the horse has also been a common theme in children’s toys from the simplest rocking horse to the work of art that is an elaborately carved carousel steed.  As technologies evolved, so too did toy horses yielding ever more faithful reproductions. 
That is until 1982 when Hasbro introduced an entirely new type of horse toy.

The year previously Hasbro brought to market My Pretty Pony which was a large hard plastic pony, created by illustrator Bonnie Zacherle and sculptor Charles Muenchinger with brush-able hair and mechanical features typically popular for the era.  However, My Pretty Pony was only a moderate success. 

Going back to the drawing board, Hasbro launched My Little Pony the following year.  Unlike the realistic horse toys of the time, My Little Ponies were small, soft and brightly colored, each with a unique painted design on either flank.  Hasbro’s new ponies were massively popular.  An estimated 150 million were sold worldwide during the 1980’s.

My Little Pony appealed to children on multiple fronts.  The ponies appealed to both the horse lovers and those drawn to fantasy and magic.  The softer vinyl meant they were more hug-able and harder to break while the brush-able hair provided an alternative to fashion dolls.  Marketing of My Little Pony in this era leaned heavily on the collectability aspect of the brand resulting in hundreds of individual characters. 

The first generation of My Little Pony lasted from 1982 to 1992 in the United States and until 1995 in some international markets.  It included two tv specials, a full length animated movie, and two television shows plus merchandise of everything from clothing to housewares, books, games and electronics.
Since the original line of My Little Pony, Hasbro has rebranded roughly once a decade with variable success.  With each new rebranding a new generation of My Little Pony is born, from the 1997 Generation 2 to the 2003 Generation 3 to the current Generation 4 which started in 2010 and is ongoing.

Final Draft

Spoiler

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[aintnobuffalo]

Sounds great to me! Good at capturing major points and a very enjoyable read. Sounds like you identified some important facts and wrote to examine it in the larger context.

[LadyMoondancer]

Looks good, but I would cut out this line:

"While one of the criticisms of early generations of My Little Pony was “flat” characters and a “fluid” cannon"

No one aside from bronies and serious pony collectors know about or care about criticisms of early gens of ponies, let alone what G1 canon was.  To most people there is not really any difference between G1, G4, or any other gen.  (Also lore is canon rather than cannon. )

Overall, great job!  You really managed to capture the brand in a very small amount of space.

[Taffeta]

Looks good, but I would cut out this line:

"While one of the criticisms of early generations of My Little Pony was “flat” characters and a “fluid” cannon"

No one aside from bronies and serious pony collectors know about or care about criticisms of early gens of ponies, let alone what G1 canon was.  To most people there is not really any difference between G1, G4, or any other gen.  (Also lore is canon rather than cannon. )

Overall, great job!  You really managed to capture the brand in a very small amount of space.

I agree with LM. It seems anachronistic. When we were growing up with MLP, we mostly all didn't know or care about those things. And G1 characters weren't flat if you lived in the UK...so I would argue it's not actually true either. It sounds like something bronies say to dig at G1 rather than a real criticism of the brand.

And feeding the bad bronies is bad.

[Mewtwofan1]

Seems pretty good. You hit the main points, without going into overcrowding details. I feel like the line about a lack of cannon and flat characters could be rephrased. I mean,good job pointing out a bit of a flaw in the early my little pony. Characters didn’t have flushed out backstories and long detailed cannon simply because what seven year old kids gonna pay attention to that? It’s much more fun to play and make up the toy.
But they weren’t entirely flat, one dimensional characters. The line is good, but I feel like there could be something else. Dunno what.

[Baby Sugarberry]

Is this a handout or something that's going to be integrated into a display?  If it's part of the display and we're not talking standard sized museum panels, you likely have too many words there. 

Also 'her own story / her own characters' - My Little Ponies were not only enjoyed by girls.
"She did not look at all..." The singular female pronoun here is awkward given it's referring to a plurality of toys.
"(commonly referred to as a “symbol” among collectors)."  This likely isn't relevant to the general public, same with canon, as was pointed out already.   Also one 'n'.  Cannons shoot cannonballs. Canonical means 'in verse. 
Uses of quotes and parentheses often indicate areas that should be cut or integrated.
" being nothing more than a head on a stick, " Is it necessary to tell the reader what a hobby horse consists of? It's already been described as 'simple' so this seems redundant.

Suggested rough edit under the spoiler.

Spoiler

My Little Pony

For centuries the horse was humanity’s primary mode of transportation, inspiring art and poetry.  It is no small wonder then that the horse is a common theme in children’s toys; from the humblest rocking horse to decadence of an elaborately carved carousel steed.  As technologies evolved, so too did toy horses.  New materials and techniques yielded ever more faithful reproductions in toy form.

That is until 1982 when Hasbro introduced an entirely new type of horse toy.

The year previously Hasbro had brought to market My Pretty Pony.  A large hard plastic toy, it was designed by illustrator Bonnie Zacherle and sculptor Charles Muenchinger with brushable hair and mechanical features typically popular for the era.  However, My Pretty Pony was only a moderate success. 

After going back to the drawing board, Hasbro came back in the following year with the rebranded My Little Pony.  Unlike the realistic horse toys of the time, My Little Ponies were small, soft and brightly coloured.  They had hair that could be brushed and each pony had a unique painted design on either flank.

Hasbro's new ponies were massively popular.  An estimated 150 million were sold worldwide during the 1980’s.

My Little Pony appealed to children who dreamed of owning their own real pony and the pony’s brushable hair made them an alternative to fashion dolls.  Later toys also capitalized on the popularity of unicorns and pegasi.  Marketing leaned heavily on the collectibility aspect of the brand resulting in hundreds of individual characters, sold in sets with a common theme or feature.  The first generation of My Little Pony lasted from 1982 to 1992 in North America and until 1995 in Europe.  It included two TV specials, a cartoon series and a full length movie, plus merchandise of everything from clothing to housewares, books, games and electronics.

Since the original line of My Little Pony ended, Hasbro has rebooted the brand roughly once a decade with variable success. With each new rebranding a new generation of My Little Pony is born, from the 1997 Generation 2 to the 2003 Generation 3 to the current Generation 4 which started in 2010 and is ongoing.

There's a bunch of stuff that needs to be confirmed (Was Europe the last market for G1 in 1995?  I'm not sure.) and it doesn't mention that Care Bears probably strongly influenced how the early MLP's looked.  Probably best to leave that out as it's conjecture anyways, as far as I know.  Rocking horses are probably more well known to the average person than a hobby horse, particularly younger kids.

[Taffeta]

There's a bunch of stuff that needs to be confirmed (Was Europe the last market for G1 in 1995?  I'm not sure.)

The Netherlands had a 1995 line. The UK and most of Europe ended in 1994. I have no idea about Nirvana releases but I'm not aware of any that go into the middle 1990s, so I would say Sunset's probably right about that one...

[Sunset]

Thanks everyone for your input and especially Baby Sugarberry.  I'll work on making some changes.

Re: 1995.  according to mylittlewiki, yes there where some ponies produced for the Netherlands that year.  But I don't think the readers will care exactly which place.  So how about changing the phrase to " and up until 1995 in some international markets." ?

**************************************

I made the changes and put the 2nd draft in the original post.

[brightberry]

I love the 2nd draft!  You're doing a really great job.

I will say that the colorful ponies meant more to me than replacing owning a real pony.  For me, the back cards and the cartoons portrayed them as talking magical beings living in a beautiful and exciting world and that's what gave them the appeal over more realistic horses.   I wouldn't have imagined myself "owning" one of the characters.  I would have considered them friends.  But I don't know if that was the general view.

[Sunset]

I love the 2nd draft!  You're doing a really great job.

I will say that the colorful ponies meant more to me than replacing owning a real pony.  For me, the back cards and the cartoons portrayed them as talking magical beings living in a beautiful and exciting world and that's what gave them the appeal over more realistic horses.   I wouldn't have imagined myself "owning" one of the characters.  I would have considered them friends.  But I don't know if that was the general view.

Thanks!  Yes, there are a lot of various reasons people love mlp.  It's kind of hard to touch on all of them and keep the word count down.  I mention owning a real pony mostly because Bonnie Zacherle has gone on record as stating that her longing as a child for a horse was  what inspired her with the original idea of making miniature horse toys.  And I know that I'm not the only little girl who was generally "horse crazy."  Something that Bonnie's boss at the time apparently didn't believe was a thing since she has stated that he initially shot down her idea because "Little girls aren't like you, Bonnie.  They like to cook and clean." (paraphrasing from what I remember from the interview.)

I also think that the idea of owning a pony/pet doesn't necessarily mean that children/people don't also think of them as friends.  I think that's why almost every children's book ever written about a boy or girl and their pet has focused on the special bond between them.  But still, I can change the wording from "owning a pony" to "have a pony".  Or how about "children who longed to have a real pony friend"?

[Baby Sugarberry]

"After going back to the drawing board, Hasbro came back..." has redundant wording, didn't catch that in my first run through.  Maybe change that whole sentence to:

Going back to the drawing board, Hasbro launched My Little Pony the following year.

Since it's not really a rebrand of MPP so much as an entirely new line - Hasbro wasn't trying to capitalize on MPP's established brand, which was generally lukewarm at best. 

I too wasn't necessarily horse crazy as a kid during the 80's, but I did love fantasy, talking ponies, unicorns and anything magical for what that's worth.  The imaginative aspect of MLP is what appealed the most for kid-me.

Editing is hard work, and rarely to we get to appreciate it unless trying to do the very thing!

[Sunset]

Ok, so lets see.  How about I replace this part:

"My Little Pony appealed to children who dreamed of having their own real pony friend and the pony’s brush-able hair provided them an alternative to fashion dolls.  Later toys also capitalized on the popularity of unicorns and pegasi which add an additional fantasy element.  "

with this:

"My Little Pony appealed to children on multiple fronts.  The ponies appealed to both the horse lovers and those drawn to fantasy and magic.  The softer vinyl meant they were more hug-able and harder to break while the brush-able hair provided an alternative to fashion dolls."

I decided to leave out the part about unicorns and pegasi to make room for the new parts.

so draft #3

Spoiler

My Little Pony

For centuries the horse was humanity’s primary mode of transportation, inspiring art and poetry.  It is no small wonder then that the horse has also been a common theme in children’s toys from the simplest rocking horse to the work of art that is an elaborately carved carousel steed.  As technologies evolved, so too did toy horses yielding ever more faithful reproductions. 
That is until 1982 when Hasbro introduced an entirely new type of horse toy.

The year previously Hasbro brought to market My Pretty Pony which was a large hard plastic pony, created by illustrator Bonnie Zacherle and sculptor Charles Muenchinger with brush-able hair and mechanical features typically popular for the era.  However, My Pretty Pony was only a moderate success. 

Going back to the drawing board, Hasbro launched My Little Pony the following year.  Unlike the realistic horse toys of the time, My Little Ponies were small, soft and brightly colored, each with a unique painted design on either flank.  Hasbro’s new ponies were massively popular.  An estimated 150 million were sold worldwide during the 1980’s.

My Little Pony appealed to children on multiple fronts.  The ponies appealed to both the horse lovers and those drawn to fantasy and magic.  The softer vinyl meant they were more hug-able and harder to break while the brush-able hair provided an alternative to fashion dolls.  Marketing of My Little Pony in this era leaned heavily on the collectability aspect of the brand resulting in hundreds of individual characters. 

The first generation of My Little Pony lasted from 1982 to 1992 in the United States and until 1995 in some international markets.  It included two tv specials, a full length animated movie, and two television shows plus merchandise of everything from clothing to housewares, books, games and electronics.
Since the original line of My Little Pony, Hasbro has rebranded roughly once a decade with variable success.  With each new rebranding a new generation of My Little Pony is born, from the 1997 Generation 2 to the 2003 Generation 3 to the current Generation 4 which started in 2010 and is ongoing.

[Ponyfan]

I think you’re doing a great job. Editing and rewriting is hard work. I keep reading this part of one of tgs segencrs and it sounds weird to me. “each with a unique painted design on either flank”  Would “each flank” sound better than “either flank?”

Ponyfan

[Sunset]

I think you’re doing a great job. Editing and rewriting is hard work. I keep reading this part of one of tgs segencrs and it sounds weird to me. “each with a unique painted design on either flank”  Would “each flank” sound better than “either flank?”

Ponyfan

Hmm, you might be right.  But the word "each" is already used earlier in the same sentence.  What about "both flanks"?  Or I could simply leave off that bit and say "a unique design painted on the flanks."

[aquamarinemolly]

Hi there! Museum professional here, this text is excellent! My minor edits (mostly for clarity/construction/passive language) are based on six years of experience editing contemporary art object labels for public display. Feel free to DM me with any questions about my edits (pasted here <3) I hope this is helpful, and congrats on your great work!


My Little Pony

The horse has been a common theme in children’s toys, from the simplest rocking horse to the work of art that is an elaborately-carved carousel steed. As technologies evolved so did toy horses, yielding increasingly faithful reproductions. That is, until the early 1980s when Hasbro introduced an entirely new type of horse toy.

In 1981 Hasbro introduced My Pretty Pony which was a brown 16" hard plastic pony, created by illustrator Bonnie Zacherle and sculptor Charles Muenchinger with brush-able hair and mechanical features typically popular for the era.  However, My Pretty Pony was only a moderate success in the toy market.

Going back to the drawing board, Hasbro launched My Little Pony the following year in 1983. Unlike the realistic horse toy My Pretty Pony, My Little Ponies were smaller, made of softer vinyl and brightly colored, each with a unique design on the flank. Hasbro’s new ponies were massively popular -- an estimated 150 million were sold worldwide during the 1980’s.

My Little Pony appealed to children on multiple fronts. The ponies appealed to both equine lovers and those drawn to fantasy and magic. The softer vinyl meant they were more hug-able and harder to break while the brush-able hair provided an alternative to fashion dolls. Marketing of My Little Pony also leaned heavily on the collectability aspect of the brand, resulting in hundreds of individual characters. 

The first generation of My Little Pony lasted from 1982 to 1992 in the United States and until 1995 in some international markets. The series included two tv specials, a full length animated movie, and two television shows plus merchandise such as clothing, accessories, housewares, books, games, school supplies, and electronics.

Since the original line, Hasbro has rebranded My Little Pony roughly once a decade with variable success. With each new rebranding comes a new generation of My Little Pony characters and fans. Generation 2 was introduced in 1997, then came Generation 3 in 2003, and in 2010 Hasbro introduced the current Generation 4, called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, which can be found on tv, the big screen and in toy stores today.