So had a weird conversation at work about ponies

[elish2]

Not sure if this is the right area, so admins please move if necessary...

So a few of the gals I work with know I collect ponies. I show them pictures of my latest acquisitions and we discuss them.

Well one of them (she is about my mom's age and a sweetheart), said she had a bunch of them up in her attic and wanted me to have them once she got them down. Of course, I am more than happy to compensate for them as well if she did. She even said there are a few still in their boxes so yeah I am interested lol.

Yesterday, she told me that she found out her daughter had taken them, but she was going to go take them back from her daughter to give to me... 

I told her that was not necessary, that if her daughter wanted them that was fine and understandable. She responded by saying, "you would have to know my daughter" and proceeded to tell me that her daughter's basement can't be walked through and they throw stuff down there and let it lie, and that the ponies are down there somewhere in that mess and that she doesn't appreciate them and would never even know they are gone.

I told her it was not necessary to do that. I said that if her daughter was interested in clearing out some items from her basement I would be more than happy to negotiate and facilitate that, but she didn't need to sneak them out of her daughter's house. She kind of keeps insisting on it, so I feel strange about it...

[Leave a Whisper]

Well she does know her daughter better. But I understand feeling strange about it. And if her daughter had taken them without permission, if I'm reading this right then yeah.

[elish2]

Well she does know her daughter better. But I understand feeling strange about it. And if her daughter had taken them without permission, if I'm reading this right then yeah.

Yeah, that was in essence what had happened, her daughter had taken them out of her house without asking. She said she asked her daughter why she did and she said, "Because they were mine."

I guess I just wouldn't want them to get into it over some ponies just because she wants to be nice to me.

[Leave a Whisper]

Well she does know her daughter better. But I understand feeling strange about it. And if her daughter had taken them without permission, if I'm reading this right then yeah.

Yeah, that was in essence what had happened, her daughter had taken them out of her house without asking. She said she asked her daughter why she did and she said, "Because they were mine."

I guess I just wouldn't want them to get into it over some ponies just because she wants to be nice to me.

What a conundrum. Well its all between you two.

Sounds like there may be an argument regardless.

[ordinarycollector]

Well she does know her daughter better. But I understand feeling strange about it. And if her daughter had taken them without permission, if I'm reading this right then yeah.

Yeah, that was in essence what had happened, her daughter had taken them out of her house without asking. She said she asked her daughter why she did and she said, "Because they were mine."

I guess I just wouldn't want them to get into it over some ponies just because she wants to be nice to me.

Oh, that's so uncomfortable. It was nice of your co-worker to offer them, but we've all read sad stories that start out with "My mom gave away all my ponies/sold them at a yard sale/threw them out" and I would feel the same as you, that if the daughter wants them she should keep them instead of her mom insisting on giving them away.

[tulagirl]

Okay so were the ponies toys that belonged to the mother?  Or where the ponies the daughter's from her childhood?  That is a good thing to know.  If they belonged to the daughter then she has a right to get her ponies from home.  If they belonged to the mother then the mother has a right to get the ponies back.  Either way though, I would feel super uncomfortable with this set up as it could get ugly. Yikes.

A lot of parents think that their children's toys were bought by them so they get to decide what happens to them when the kids grow up. I do not share this philosophy.

Then there are the adult kids that think that anything at mom's house is mine too.  Back away slowly I say.

[Strawberry Swirl]

I do hope her daughter isn't a hoarder. But yeah I'd probably feel a little bad too, but only just a little...

After all, you'd be giving those ponies a nice home and the daughter is just letting them sit in the basement all alone!

[Carrehz]

eeeesh, that's a tough situation. I mean yeah, if the daughter's a hoarder then that sucks, but if they're her ponies then she has every right to take them back, it's her decision. I mean, if it was me, I'd be heartbroken if someone gave away something of mine. But if they're the mum's ponies then it's even trickier :x

Personally, I'd just try and stay out of it altogether.

[lovesbabysquirmy]

I would stay out of it unless the ponies show up in a bag on your desk   Then stash them in your car trunk

[elish2]

Yeah, I am assuming that they were the daughter's ponies as a kiddo. I really tried to stress the point that it was ok to not get them from her daughter without her permission. However, I am all for the idea of getting them if the daughter agrees to it, and told my coworker that if she, (the daughter), would like to offer them I would be very interested.

Just an uncomfortable thing lol. I get the mom's point of them just sitting in a basement, but that is the daughter's decision.

[SpookyTrees]

I mean even we as pony collectors probably have had our collections put away for some reason or another, if they belong to the daughter then the mother really should ease up. It’s not her call to make and I think your approach is perfect. Mom just needs to respect the daughter regardless of where the ponies are at daughters house. And someone up above hit the nail on the head, how many of us have been the victim of a parent purging a beloved collection? It’s a terrible feeling.

[Marlin]

Yeah.... I'd be inclined to stay out of it too (as much as I'd be dying to know what treasures are in those boxes, lol!).

The mum's sentiment to give them to someone who'll appreciate them is very sweet, but if they are her daughter's childhood collection, then I don't think it's right that she takes them back (without permission). If it's true that those ponies (being inanimate objects and not living creatures obviously) are lurking forgotten and unloved in her daughter's basement then that is tragic (from our pony loving perspective!), but it is not ours or her place to say what is the best thing to be done with them if they in fact belong to someone else.

If they do show up on your desk (without the daughter's blessing) that is going to be really awkward!

[KottonKandy]

I'm gonna be the odd man out here, but from the strange little quips the mother has made about her daughter, it sounds like the daughter is a hoarder. If she wanted the ponies, she could've easily ASKED her mother for them. That fact that she seemed to sneak them out says that she has a motive that goes beyond something innocent like preserving childhood memories. Those ponies will likely end up in a basement stacked up with other forgotten items and eventually ruined. And I don't think those ponies are beloved childhood toys if some of them were never even removed from their boxes!!
HOWEVER, obviously, this is some sort of family issue and I would stay the heck away from it all. You've already told her that she shouldn't feel pressured to retrieve the ponies and that's really all you should do. In the end, the mother is going to do whatever she wants. I say that if she does go through the trouble of getting those toys back and brings them to you, by all means take them. You'll enjoy them and care for them, and the mother will be pleased they've found a good home with someone who will appreciate them. No reason to feel guilty or awkward. You've done the right thing and from this point on, it's entirely the mother's decisions and actions. Completely out of your hands.

[LadyMoondancer]

I feel like the ponies will come with bad karma attached if they're 'snuck' out of the daughter's house without permission.   As nice as it is for the mother to think of giving the ponies to you, it is not nice of her to ignore you as you keep saying, "Hey, I don't want these if you have to 'sneak' them out."  It's not very respectful of her.

[Al-1701]

I would talk to the daughter personally about acquiring the ponies.  Keep mention of the mother to a minimum, like just that she said she had them.  She might be willing to part with them voluntarily.  If she doesn't then just leave it at that.