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You can ship without tracking on eBay, but it's a bad idea.
$40 for a package to the Netherlands isn't overcharging, though, if the package is sent by US Priority Mail. It's pretty much spot-on what the cost would actually be. ($40.95 for a 7 ounce package.)I agree that the seller should have set up the auction properly. She probably just isn't an eBay expert and didn't / doesn't know how. (I mean, just the fact that the seller thought she needed to physically go to the post office to get a shipping quote . . . An experienced seller would know how to look it up online.) She did quickly offer the buyer the option to cancel the bid, though. I get how annoying this situation is as a buyer, but I get where the seller is coming from; hopefully she will figure out how to configure her auctions correctly in the future so that this situation doesn't occur again.