Fantastic Beasts and where to find them

[Dragonflitter]

Oh thank god I'm not the only person who thinks this movie was complete trash! I ranted to a friend on the phone for 45 minutes about every reason this was horrible written, but then everyone I talk to (and all the online reviews) say it's so amazing. I'm like "Did we even see the same movie?"

Glad to see there's some others here who are of the same opinion. Makes me feel like I'm not alone in the world and/or completely crazy.

[shelvesofwhimsy]

Oh thank god I'm not the only person who thinks this movie was complete trash! I ranted to a friend on the phone for 45 minutes about every reason this was horrible written, but then everyone I talk to (and all the online reviews) say it's so amazing. I'm like "Did we even see the same movie?"

Glad to see there's some others here who are of the same opinion. Makes me feel like I'm not alone in the world and/or completely crazy.

You are certainly not crazy! Although I had the same thoughts
I was ranting to my sister and at the end of the rant she said "I liked it though, and lots of people online liked it too, so it might just be you" or something along those lines. I was laughing because I knew I wasn't alone 
I did think it was a "pretty" movie though 

[Flickerswift]

I wasn't going to mention this issue, as I thought it wasn't in the movie, but apparently it is... I just found out that the griffin-thing was supposed to be a thunderbird, even though it is clearly a griffin...???? I thought she was only being an insensitive culture appropriating jerk on Pottormore with "America's Whitewashed and Clearly Not Researched Magical History". Nope, I was wrong...

I'll I gotta say is: JKR, take your white, entitled, post British-colonialism butt and throw it back in the dumpster you came from before you wrote Harry Potter, you disgusting piece of trash.

[Beldarna]

This movie money grubbing mess was a giant steaming pile of garbage that I'm glad I didn't pay for because if I'd had the ability to walk out of the theater in the middle, I would have...

Spoiler

If you read nothing else, know this: JKR SEXUALIZED A HOUSE ELF. This is a sin that cannot be forgiven or overlooked!

Other problems:

• The characters were one-dimensional with no character development at all.
• The "plot" was loosely strung together by happenstance with no goal, rhyme, or reason.
• JKR clearly has no idea how America works.
• JKR doesn't understand what a congress is or what it does.
• JKR doesn't understand a president isn't a king.
• Manhattan is whitewashed except for one black woman.
• Somehow, despite America's huge population, amount of empty wild land, massive amounts of hunting fanatics, and history of obsessively exterminating indigenous creatures for fun, the government doesn't have a team of specialists to deal with magical creatures.
• There is no magical transportation.
• There is no magical customs office.
• Newt is negligent to the point of being homicidal; locks, gates, barrier spells, and other such safety features clearly don't exist in the world of Harry Potter.
• Newt has the same backstory as Hagrid, except JKR forgot she wrote that students who are expelled have their wands broken, so he gets to keep his.
• Spells such as the Disillusionment Charm, Stupefy, Accio, and transfiguration are never used, no matter how useful they would be in capturing magical creatures.
• Newt loses an Occamy (winged snake) egg, even though the egg must have somehow gotten out of the nest, across multiple rooms, up a set of stairs in the suitcase, and fallen out...????
• Everyone ignores Tina's warnings about Newt because... plot... reasons... Why would anyone other than an auror have a way to report an incident? Only aurors can see problems.
• No one notices Newt magically fixing that baker's building in crowded broad daylight.
• Newt really does not care that someone got mauled by his creatures until much later when it is convenient to deal with it.
• An ex-auror ignores a possibly poisoned man in favor of dinner and never mentions it again.
• Deadly magical creatures are loose so of course they ignore it and have dinner then go to bed.
• The illegal and dark magical practice of legilimency is apparently fine in America, and it's super cool to use on muggles and wizards alike.
• Excessive mind rape is extremely romantic and the audience should find it cute and a fantastic basis for a relationship.
• Somehow wizards can exist in MANHATTAN without ever interacting with muggles at all.
• Remember the Erumpent horn in the books? The one Luna Lovegood's father lied about being a Crumple-Horned Snorkack horn and it destroyed their house in a fiery ball of death? Newt never thinks its important to inform the ex-auror a live one is now loose in a crowded city...
• The giant Erumpent gets through the entire city and destroys the zoo without anyone seeing or hearing it, or caring about the destruction it leaves in it's wake.
• No one fixes the zoo and muggles can deal with their own deadly animals because why not.
• A muggle is clearly a better companion than an ex-auror for catching magical creatures.
• Newt tricking said muggle into helping him by implying he won't mind wipe him later, when he'd previously planned to, and does it anyway later, is never really addressed questioned by said muggle as a problem.
• Everyone falls in love with the minimum time and interaction possibly allowed.
• All muggles who hate magic are evil creeps.
• All muggles who die clearly "deserved" it, so don't feel bad.
• They have to find a bug and a teapot instead of transfiguring them, or a cage that they could shrink, because... reasons...
• There are no guards at magical UN meetings, and you can just walk in.
• American aurors can apparently single-handedly order multiple executions of people without a trial, even people from other countries, and have it happen in less than a day.
• America has a death chamber full of creepy smiling executioners who ask no questions.
• Gellert Grindelwald's there for... reasons that aren't explained...
• Grindelwald's "plan" is circumstantial to the point of being idiotic to come all the way to another continent for.
• If these magical parasite things are created by neglect and trying to ignore magic, why didn't the Dursleys end up giving Harry Potter the same problem?
• Newt knows exactly what to do with the venom he previously mentioned he had no idea what it could possibly be used for...
• What about all the photos taken before the final battle? What about the people indoors? What about those who sent letters out of state or left on boats or trains? How could everyone's memory of the past few days possibly be erased?
• The story ends with another teenager being murdered for the grater good, except Credence lacks plot armor, so unlike the other book, he stays dead (I think...).
• Everyone who dies is evil, unless it's a tragic end point to show someone else is evil.
• If the baker and the mind rapist were really in love, why didn't they go to Britain where apparently they could be together legally?
• Manhattan was conveniently either empty or crowded, depending on the needs of the plot.

I mean... JKR could have tried a bit harder... 

Although I agree that the story line was thin, you have to remember the story takes place in the 1920's. There were different rules, customs and regulations back then. We can't expect them to have the same laws then that applied in the Potterbooks. Who knows, maybe some of them were formed because of Newts visit there. Same with spells. Muggle UN for instance were formed 1945 so for the wizarding world to have one (I don't even remember the meeting being a UN one but ok) 20 years prior is big, as is having a female president. I think most people would have laughed if that was even mentioned back then.

I agree with some points you made, but I am also saying that trying to place laws and rules of 2016 on 1920 is a no go as the world was so different back then, both muggle wise and wizard wise.

[rearing_palomino164]

I saw it and I loved it. I haven't read all of the Harry Potter's or seen all of the movie. I would see Fantastic Beasts again.

[Flickerswift]

This movie money grubbing mess was a giant steaming pile of garbage that I'm glad I didn't pay for because if I'd had the ability to walk out of the theater in the middle, I would have...

Spoiler

If you read nothing else, know this: JKR SEXUALIZED A HOUSE ELF. This is a sin that cannot be forgiven or overlooked!

Other problems:

• The characters were one-dimensional with no character development at all.
• The "plot" was loosely strung together by happenstance with no goal, rhyme, or reason.
• JKR clearly has no idea how America works.
• JKR doesn't understand what a congress is or what it does.
• JKR doesn't understand a president isn't a king.
• Manhattan is whitewashed except for one black woman.
• Somehow, despite America's huge population, amount of empty wild land, massive amounts of hunting fanatics, and history of obsessively exterminating indigenous creatures for fun, the government doesn't have a team of specialists to deal with magical creatures.
• There is no magical transportation.
• There is no magical customs office.
• Newt is negligent to the point of being homicidal; locks, gates, barrier spells, and other such safety features clearly don't exist in the world of Harry Potter.
• Newt has the same backstory as Hagrid, except JKR forgot she wrote that students who are expelled have their wands broken, so he gets to keep his.
• Spells such as the Disillusionment Charm, Stupefy, Accio, and transfiguration are never used, no matter how useful they would be in capturing magical creatures.
• Newt loses an Occamy (winged snake) egg, even though the egg must have somehow gotten out of the nest, across multiple rooms, up a set of stairs in the suitcase, and fallen out...????
• Everyone ignores Tina's warnings about Newt because... plot... reasons... Why would anyone other than an auror have a way to report an incident? Only aurors can see problems.
• No one notices Newt magically fixing that baker's building in crowded broad daylight.
• Newt really does not care that someone got mauled by his creatures until much later when it is convenient to deal with it.
• An ex-auror ignores a possibly poisoned man in favor of dinner and never mentions it again.
• Deadly magical creatures are loose so of course they ignore it and have dinner then go to bed.
• The illegal and dark magical practice of legilimency is apparently fine in America, and it's super cool to use on muggles and wizards alike.
• Excessive mind rape is extremely romantic and the audience should find it cute and a fantastic basis for a relationship.
• Somehow wizards can exist in MANHATTAN without ever interacting with muggles at all.
• Remember the Erumpent horn in the books? The one Luna Lovegood's father lied about being a Crumple-Horned Snorkack horn and it destroyed their house in a fiery ball of death? Newt never thinks its important to inform the ex-auror a live one is now loose in a crowded city...
• The giant Erumpent gets through the entire city and destroys the zoo without anyone seeing or hearing it, or caring about the destruction it leaves in it's wake.
• No one fixes the zoo and muggles can deal with their own deadly animals because why not.
• A muggle is clearly a better companion than an ex-auror for catching magical creatures.
• Newt tricking said muggle into helping him by implying he won't mind wipe him later, when he'd previously planned to, and does it anyway later, is never really addressed questioned by said muggle as a problem.
• Everyone falls in love with the minimum time and interaction possibly allowed.
• All muggles who hate magic are evil creeps.
• All muggles who die clearly "deserved" it, so don't feel bad.
• They have to find a bug and a teapot instead of transfiguring them, or a cage that they could shrink, because... reasons...
• There are no guards at magical UN meetings, and you can just walk in.
• American aurors can apparently single-handedly order multiple executions of people without a trial, even people from other countries, and have it happen in less than a day.
• America has a death chamber full of creepy smiling executioners who ask no questions.
• Gellert Grindelwald's there for... reasons that aren't explained...
• Grindelwald's "plan" is circumstantial to the point of being idiotic to come all the way to another continent for.
• If these magical parasite things are created by neglect and trying to ignore magic, why didn't the Dursleys end up giving Harry Potter the same problem?
• Newt knows exactly what to do with the venom he previously mentioned he had no idea what it could possibly be used for...
• What about all the photos taken before the final battle? What about the people indoors? What about those who sent letters out of state or left on boats or trains? How could everyone's memory of the past few days possibly be erased?
• The story ends with another teenager being murdered for the grater good, except Credence lacks plot armor, so unlike the other book, he stays dead (I think...).
• Everyone who dies is evil, unless it's a tragic end point to show someone else is evil.
• If the baker and the mind rapist were really in love, why didn't they go to Britain where apparently they could be together legally?
• Manhattan was conveniently either empty or crowded, depending on the needs of the plot.

I mean... JKR could have tried a bit harder... 

Although I agree that the story line was thin, you have to remember the story takes place in the 1920's. There were different rules, customs and regulations back then. We can't expect them to have the same laws then that applied in the Potterbooks. Who knows, maybe some of them were formed because of Newts visit there. Same with spells. Muggle UN for instance were formed 1945 so for the wizarding world to have one (I don't even remember the meeting being a UN one but ok) 20 years prior is big, as is having a female president. I think most people would have laughed if that was even mentioned back then.

I agree with some points you made, but I am also saying that trying to place laws and rules of 2016 on 1920 is a no go as the world was so different back then, both muggle wise and wizard wise.

Yeah, laws were different in the 20's, but that doesn't exclude common things like the fact that every leader in the history of ever has had guards, and bureaucracy is always excessively layered. What specifically are you disagreeing with me about?

Yes, apparently American wizarding society had women and black people in power, but only because wizards are busy being racist about blood purity instead of skin color and biological parts. However, women have tended to be more associated with magic power than men historically IRL, so that actually made a lot of sense.

I didn't mean it was the actual Magical UN, I was just calling it that tongue in cheek, because that's what it looked like and appeared to function as. Why does that matter?

I'm sorry, I refuse to believe believe camouflage (useful for fighting and espionage since forever), summoning (Newt used Accio once, just not when it was helpful), stunning (the evil auror did use Petrificus Totalus), or basic transfiguration (the subject Dumbledore is teaching in the 20s, and you have to take at N.E.W. T. level to be an auror) didn't exist until after the 1920's. The heroes just seem to be functionally terrible at magic.

[Dragonflitter]

• American aurors can apparently single-handedly order multiple executions of people without a trial, even people from other countries, and have it happen in less than a day.
• America has a death chamber full of creepy smiling executioners who ask no questions.

This is the part that broke me. I literally burst into laughter in the middle of the theater, at this supposedly exciting and serious scene where our heroes are facing death! I'm not a huge fan, but I read the books and I've seen the other movies. So I know in general how the wizard world works.

Okay so my suspension of disbelief was already teetering when the scary bad guy interrogates Newt and Tina, and then just declares them to be put to death with no trial, and none of the other wizards even question this but just carry out his orders. And then they take their prisoners to a DEATH ROOM. Waaah? How does this room even work!? One of the wizards touches her wand to Tina's temple and then points it at a pool of liquid in the room and Tina's memories start appearing... so... what, the room is like a giant pensieve? Isn't the pensieve spell, like, a voluntary thing? Can you just take the memories out of someone without their permission? If this is so, then why interrogate people at all?? Why did Snape make a truth telling potion in the HP books? If it's so easy to get the truth out of people, you would think using the pensieve thing would be standard for all investigative work in the wizarding world. This was obviously just a REALLY lazy way to try to tie this movie into something established in the previous books, and because the audience needed to see Tina's connection to the witch-haters from her past.

But really, the biggest issue with the death room is what is the point of it!? In order to kill someone in this government you have to use a giant room that is a pensieve and then put their memories into the pensieve and then the person is entranced by their own memories and then they sit in a chair in the middle of the room and the chair slowly lowers them into the pensieve liquid which then disintegrates them and the chair!? What!? There's no easier way to execute people in this society? This is some James Bond villain level of ridiculousness, complete with the whole 'elaborate death device where the main villain announces how evil they are and then leaves so the hero can do a miraculous escape after beating up the flunkies.'

(And maybe I would have liked the movie more if the actor playing Newt didn't MUMBLE ALL HIS LINES. Omg I could barely understand half of what he said, and he's the main character! I know they were going for some sort of awkward characterization but geez.)

Post Merge: December 14, 2016, 07:22:44 AM

I wasn't going to mention this issue, as I thought it wasn't in the movie, but apparently it is... I just found out that the griffin-thing was supposed to be a thunderbird, even though it is clearly a griffin...???? I thought she was only being an insensitive culture appropriating jerk on Pottormore with "America's Whitewashed and Clearly Not Researched Magical History". Nope, I was wrong...

Well that creature wasn't a normal depiction of a thunder bird from Native American mythology, but it wasn't a griffin either. It only had one set of legs. It had multiple wings (which isn't part of the normal description for a griffin OR a thunderbird). ...I think they just made up a creature of their own design and gave it a name from Native American mythology.

[ghouldilocks]

I really think a lot of people are taking this movie WAY too seriously

But we all have non-pony hobbies, so I won't begrudge someone who enjoys picking apart movies lol

[Dragonflitter]

Picking apart movies is totally my thing. In fact I might start an online video series of reviews starting with this atrocity....

But really, I would give this movie a pass if it was aimed at only very young children who just want to see a movie with funny animals in it, but the HP world is clearly one that both adults and children enjoy! There's no reason to make it such a mish-mash of terrible plot devices and poor writing. They could have done so much better.