Weird issue in a weird situation... what do I do?

[Sunshine]

So, I'm having kind of a weird issue with a well known person on the Arena, and I don't have anything negative to say about them. I do not want this person to feel like I'm trying to "turn the community" on them. I've done trades and sales with them before and have absolutely no complaints, but I'm just not sure how to further handle this current situation.

Here's the backstory - they contacted me about a pony I had (for a swap, but I didn't know it was for a swap...) and we started to talk about a trade. The other person had a pony I wanted, but its value was not equal to the pony she wanted from me, so she offered another pony to trade for the one, and offered to let me buy the cheaper pony and she'd just send it in the trade package.

Well, my fault, I got busy and wasn't able to respond to her message for a couple of days, but I had already sent the money for the cheaper pony that I was going to buy. When I contacted her again, she did not need the trade pony from me anymore... so (and this is where my details get foggy...).. so the international shipping for the single pony made that cheap pony really expensive... so I did not want to buy her anymore... (I mean the trade fell apart... so, I don't see why it's a surprise that the sale would probably not work either since that was more of a "side" thing than the "main" trade)... but for some reason (again... foggy here), I didn't get my initial money back and they told me they would send it on their own dime, just what I paid them for the pony initially, and the next time they needed a pony from me, that I would send for "free" (out of my own pocket).
That was totally fine by me and I've never forgotten about that agreement, and totally would honor it if they want something from me!

But... it's been like... months since this all happened, and I have no pony here. I messaged them a few weeks ago (twice, because I got no response from the first message I sent) and said something like - "still haven't gotten this pony, maybe if you forgot to send it you could just refund me or you could let me know when you posted her?"

And basically, every time I bring it up I feel like I'm getting a guilt trip... "I sent her on my own dime and it can take a very long time for stuff from overseas, I don't know what to think anymore about this because it was going good and now you ask for your money back..." etc -
BUT there is a language barrier! I know that, and I'm probably taking their words in a different way than they mean them... so I'm trying not to... pursue it I guess. It feels like I can't message this person anymore and ask about this pony...

Is this my fault though? I mean I didn't ask them to send it for free... I initially just wanted to be refunded since the trade fell apart, but then it all happened in this manner. So what should I do?

Again I am NOT putting this person on blast at all. As mentioned, I've done business with this person before and would again, regardless of this weird situation... but that's exactly what it is, a bit of a weird situtation... so I was hoping for some insight?

I do not want to mention any usernames because it's NOT necessary. This is NOT a bad seller, NOT a scammer, nothing like that at ALL. So please, anyone who reads this, understand that's not what I'm trying to get at or elude to.

But thanks in advance for any insights.

[spottedslug]

Me, personally? I'd just let it go and move on.

Further thoughts:
If you know this person is a good trader/seller, then they probably sent it and it could be lost in the post. In my years of selling, trading, etc. I have had about 10 things lost from my end (out of 1000s), and about that many lost on their way to me. As long as there was proof of shipping, everything was usually cool. Nobody's fault. The one time I had tossed the receipt, I refunded AND sent a freebee. I wouldn't expect anyone to do that, but it was what I felt I should do for my mistake.

[Sunshine]

Me, personally? I'd just let it go and move on.

Further thoughts:
If you know this person is a good trader/seller, then they probably sent it and it could be lost in the post. In my years of selling, trading, etc. I have had about 10 things lost from my end (out of 1000s), and about that many lost on their way to me. As long as there was proof of shipping, everything was usually cool. Nobody's fault. The one time I had tossed the receipt, I refunded AND sent a freebee. I wouldn't expect anyone to do that, but it was what I felt I should do for my mistake.

Yeah I kinda have and probably should completely...

The pony cost wasn't something that would break the bank anyway, I just kinda... wanted to know mostly if I need to buy another one of those ponies for my collection, lol...
But also, I personally feel I'm a good seller/trader and there have been times where there is just... one package that somehow doesn't get sent for a long time or... whatever. Just a human mistake, which is why I have no blame for them or anything like that.

but I get tired of asking myself what I should do, haha so I definitely wanted to hear others opinions. Thanks

[zora]

i know that language barrier thing! english is not my mothers language so i often have difficulties to communicate what i REALLY mean i often mean something as a joke and nobody gets it as we have different kinds of humor around the world

it doesnt sound too bad for me. if you know the seller you shouldnt be worried yet. i had some packages which took 3 months to arrive because they were missent to australia (austria != australia)

[ponylady]

I just want to make sure I am understanding this right? Did you initially send money for the pony, just minus the shipping cost? And in exchange because the trade/sale fell through that you would in the future send her an item she needed at equal value at some point minus shipping?  If so then you have every right to inquiry where the pony maybe? It is basically in my eyes considered a transaction since money exchanged hands.

And  you are not putting anyone on the spot, just asking a legitimate question.

[Sunshine]

Thanks everyone for the posts!

Zora - I'm pretty sure that's exactly what's happening. She probably took my tone in a different way (like I was perturbed or angry about the situation and perhaps that I was demanding my money returned)- and I took her tone in a different way than she intended it... that's why I pretty much am... not trying to be rude or angry about it. I know also that typing words doesn't necessarily always convey the tone you want...

Ponylady - yes that's what happened. I paid the pony cost because we were trading other things so the other ponies were close in value, and also the shipping was close, we were just paying our own shipping for the trade, I just sent the money for the extra pony to be included with the parcel.

I'm not gonna press it for another few weeks, if I do again at all honestly, probably not until after the fair regardless, because I do know how long some things take, especially if they accidentally get re-routed or lost and either return to seller or eventually get to the buyer. That's again why I don't have any blame either... They said they had sent it and I have no reason to say they didn't. I fully believe 100% that the pony is SOMEWHERE out in the world right now!

And again, thanks - I just want to make sure everyone knows that if the seller happens to see this or post, that I am not trying to say anything bad about them, they didn't do anything wrong, I'm not angry or anything of the like...

[nhal039]

i think you should be asking where the pony is, I know some intl postage can take months but its actually quite rare for this to happen with the majority of intl parcels arriving in 2-3 weeks.
Also just because they have great feedback doesn't mean that they are exceptionally great traders always, I know of a few horror stories from sellers on the arena with great feedback : /  I find if most people have a run in with someone with lots of good feedback they just tend not to leave feedback as its like they feel they will not be believed being the minority of people to say something negative about a person that most are happy with.

Also I think its fairly rude that they just didn't outright refund your money since they are the one that cancelled the trade so to speak

[Sunshine]

Well again, the seller here didn't do anything wrong...

She did send the pony. The pony is out in the world... floating around between here and there... so, I don't think it's anything that she did. If anything it's just the post office, which is normally who is the one causing the issues we see in TS many times anyway...

So if I could write this about the post office, I would, but I can't message them and ask when the pony was sent (the post office, that is)... I can only contact the original seller.

I don't want to make this into a "thing" between me and the seller... unfortunately seems that the PM I got from them makes me think they're angry I asked about this...
I can't even say it again - I NEVER SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THIS SELLER!! ...Seriously. Nothing.

I thought TS forum was here so that people in... situations could ask the community for support... not so that someone would think I'm trying to say bad things behind their back... I'm not trying to do that at all.

[Galactica]

I had a pony from Germany go missing for a couple of months-  there was an even longer delay because my postal guy never left a slip so it was at the post office for a really long time.  Finally I discovered that my seller had a tracking number- and tracking showed that it was at my post office!  So I checked and there it was! Turns out the slip had been delivered to my neighbor

Anyway- just a suggestion-  you might try calling your local post office - and explaining to them you have an international parcel and can they please check for it... 

[Sunshine]

Good idea Galatica...

I actually do call my local PO about issues with packages... not a lot - but recently I was talking to them frequently because we were trying to find a package that I had sent to the UK which got lost, and finally showed up again. I was just down there today getting packages out, I usually do let them know if I'm waiting for something specifically or have something odd/large that's being shipped to me... but didn't mention anything about this particularly when I was there today.

I live in a town of less than 300 people, so, we're all kind of on a first name basis with the one mailman and one post office worker-lady... they even know that most of my packages are My Little Ponies at this point so I'd hope they'd realize if they had something for me. Worth a call though, so I will put out a BOLO for a package from this sellers' country, just in case.

I'm not even all that concerned - the point of this was mostly to ask if I should even be bothering THEM about this anymore, because I really didn't want to be a nuisance to them when they had done this for me to be nice and everything like that... It's less about the pony and more about how I want to maintain a relationship with this seller because I really like them, have no complaints about them... but I don't want to be a pest to them, though I did want to know about the pony...

[ponylady]

I'm not even all that concerned - the point of this was mostly to ask if I should even be bothering THEM about this anymore, because I really didn't want to be a nuisance to them when they had done this for me to be nice and everything like that... It's less about the pony and more about how I want to maintain a relationship with this seller because I really like them, have no complaints about them... but I don't want to be a pest to them, though I did want to know about the pony...

I completely understand you feel bad and want to maintain a relationship but the fact of the matter is they do have your money  And that to me is enough reason to be concerned and ask questions. Just because they may have good feedback or have been a long standing member here does not mean you have no reason to be concerned or ask questions.

[lovesbabysquirmy]

It is the sender's responsibility to make sure the parcel arrives.  If this person did not mail it with tracking or any way for the recipient to find out information, it's unfair to say, "Too bad," and then forget about it.  As you said, how do you know if a pony was even mailed at all?   

If money was exchanged and there was no product received, you are owed a refund.  The End.

[Galactica]

Good idea Galatica...

I actually do call my local PO about issues with packages... not a lot - but recently I was talking to them frequently because we were trying to find a package that I had sent to the UK which got lost, and finally showed up again. I was just down there today getting packages out, I usually do let them know if I'm waiting for something specifically or have something odd/large that's being shipped to me... but didn't mention anything about this particularly when I was there today.

I live in a town of less than 300 people, so, we're all kind of on a first name basis with the one mailman and one post office worker-lady... they even know that most of my packages are My Little Ponies at this point so I'd hope they'd realize if they had something for me. Worth a call though, so I will put out a BOLO for a package from this sellers' country, just in case.

That's very nice! The employees at my post office definitely do not know or care who I am, lol

[Sunshine]

Good idea Galatica...

I actually do call my local PO about issues with packages... not a lot - but recently I was talking to them frequently because we were trying to find a package that I had sent to the UK which got lost, and finally showed up again. I was just down there today getting packages out, I usually do let them know if I'm waiting for something specifically or have something odd/large that's being shipped to me... but didn't mention anything about this particularly when I was there today.

I live in a town of less than 300 people, so, we're all kind of on a first name basis with the one mailman and one post office worker-lady... they even know that most of my packages are My Little Ponies at this point so I'd hope they'd realize if they had something for me. Worth a call though, so I will put out a BOLO for a package from this sellers' country, just in case.

That's very nice! The employees at my post office definitely do not know or care who I am, lol

That's definitely true of the post office in the big town that I live just outside of. I send mail out from that post office when I'm on campus and stuff, and they have hardly any idea who I am. When I was going frequently there was one lady who remembered me because we talked about goats one time, but otherwise, yeah, they don't know me from Eve...

I guess that's the nice thing about being in a small town... the not nice thing is that sometimes our small post office isn't equipped to handle all international situations (why I had such a hard time trying to locate my UK package)... literally our post office doesn't even have the international mailing stamp computerized, it's like a Carbon Copy type thing... lol which is why I typically mail anything international from the larger post office. They may not know me, but they're far more efficient, lol So, goods and bads of both types!

[katrine2309]

Things like these tend to happen from time to time I guess. I had a package sent overseas a while back and it took over a month to arrive... Luckily, this was quite an expensive item so I had it tracked and the buyer could follow the package on it's long and very confusing trip around the world...

My point being, like you say yourself, that things sometimes take time to arrive. My very first pony as a grown-up took 3 months to arrive. I had considered her lost, so the joy of actually seeing her in the mail one day was just awesome!

And also, if you know this seller and have done business with her before I would just let it go. Unlike others that have answered in this thread I'm not completely in agreement that it is the sellers responsibility to make sure the item arrives. That is the post office responsibility. It is however, BOTH the buyer and the sellers responsibility how to deal with an item that is lost. But as long as you know that the pony was sent out (and the seller did all she could to make it arrive safely), any bad thoughts on the deal should go to the P.O. The seller has to put his/her trust in the mailman - just like the buyer does.