(G4 Fiction) Storm Chaser

[Vulpy]

I've only written two chapters so far. The first chapter is a lot shorter than the second, but that's because it also counts as an intro / prologue.
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Part 1:Two Broken Hearts:
"Everypony knows the tale of the Star Dragon. An evil beast, that wanted to destroy our beautiful land, and taint it with his corrupt ways. They say he was killed by a lightning bolt, but they don't tell you how. That's because they're not allowed to. It is forbidden to speak of the Storm Chasers."
"Why?"
"Why? That's hard to answer. I don't know the exact reason, but some say it's because the Storm Chasers wanted the secret of their talent to remain a secret."
"A secret? But why? What did they do?"
"They were able to use lightning as a weapon."
"How did they do that?"
"You'll find out. Now, the tale begins in a small village called Ponyville..."
A young female Pegasus, with a green pelt and multi-coloured hair, dashed across the town, looking as if she was in a hurry. She had bumped into a few Ponies along the way, which was quite embarrassing for her. She glanced at a clock as she ran past it. It said the time was ten minutes past three.
"Damn! Late again!" The mare complained, not realising she was talking outloud.

Meanwhile, a young filly, going by the name of Scootaloo, was waiting outside of the school. She looked rather annoyed. Everypony was probably relaxing at home by now. Two other fillies trotted past Scootaloo.
"What's the matter, Scootaloo? Has your sister forgotten about you again?" They mocked, as they left the school grounds.
The annoyed filly just glared at them, biting her tongue. She was tempted to say something back to them, but if she said what she wanted to say, she'd probably get in trouble for being mean. She knew better, so she didn't say anything.
As the green Pegasus dashed towards the school entrance, Scootaloo's expression changed into a happy one.
"Finally!" The filly commented, with a sigh of relief.
When the older Pegasus reached the filly, Scootaloo's face changed back into the annoyed expression she was wearing before. She was still mad at her big sister, for being late yet again. The older Pegasus was panting, trying to get her breath back.
"S-Sorry. I forgot." The older Pegasus apologised.
Scootaloo just snapped. This was the final straw.
"FORGOT?! You FORGOT?! AGAIN?! HOW CAN YOU FORGET?! Neon, I'm your SISTER! YOUR LITTLE SISTER!" The filly shouted in anger. She wasn't impressed at all.
Neon stepped back, feeling very guilty.
"I...I'm sorry." She apologised again.
"YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT! IT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING! YOU ALWAYS FORGET ABOUT ME! NO ONE EVEN KNOWS I HAVE A BIG SISTER! YOU NEVER SPEND TIME WITH ME! NEVER!"
Tears started to form around Neon's eyes. Those words hurt her. They hurt her, because they were true. Neon desperately wanted to be a good sister, but she was terrible at it. She felt like a failure.
Scootaloo looked away from Neon. She didn't want to look at her.
"....I wish you weren't my sister." Scootaloo muttered.
Neon heard those very hurtful words. They had hurt her more than the last. She heard them loud and clear, but she pretended she didn't. She didn't want to believe that her little sister had just said that.
"W-What?..."
"I SAID, I WISH YOU WEREN'T MY SISTER!"
The outraged filly ran away, crying her little eyes out. Neon just stood there, letting the tears fall. She didn't blame Scootaloo. She was right. After standing there for a minute or two, the Pegasus collapsed and burst into more tears. Her heart felt like it had been ripped into shreads. She had broken her promise. Her promise to be a good sister...
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Yeah, in the first part, I don't give much info about the characters, and their current situation at this point in the story. I give some, but not much. Believe me, there's a lot more to it. I want the readers to guess, or atleast think about it.
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Part 2: Great Secrets and Powerful Lies
As the moon slowly rose across the sky, replacing the warm sun's position in the huge mass of blue, Neon made her way back home. She had been looking for Scootaloo all day, but she didn't have any luck. Scootaloo was nowhere to be found. Neon wanted to continue her search, but she was too tired to do so. She was struggling to keep her eyes open as she walked across a lonely hill. It was very quiet and serene. It seemed as if time itself had stopped. Despite the peaceful atmosphere, the green Pegasus felt like she was being watched. The feeling had made her become more tense and cautious. As she got closer to her home, the feeling got worse. Her ears flicked upwards in alarm, as she heard the sound of twigs snapping. The sleepy Pegasus stopped walking, and looked at the surroundings behind her. It seemed like there was no one there. All she could see was the gloomy-looking trees, and the eerie shadows that came from them. The paranoid mare continued to make her way back to her home.
When she eventually got there, she rushed for the door, quickly opened it, and then slammed it shut as she jumped inside. After taking a few moments to get her breath back, she went upstairs and collapsed onto her soft, warm bed. As she buried her face into her pillow, she heard the door creak, as if it was slowly bring opened. Neon ignored it, not wanting to remove her face from the fluffy pillow. She was about to fall into a nice, deep slumber, but she suddenly heard someone walking up the staircase. The Pegasus got out of bed and slowly trotted over to the top of the staircase. She gulped as she heard the footsteps get louder. As the unknown intruder reached the top of the stairs, Neon sighed in relief. It was just her little sister, Scootaloo. The older Pegasus’ expression changed into a worried one, when she noticed that the little Filly looked rather depressed.
“Hey...Are you okay?” Neon asked, in a soft and sympathetic tone.
Scootaloo ignored Neon and walked into her room, shutting the door behind her. Scootaloo jumped onto her bed, and just sat there, with her head down. She had her back to the door. Her big sister slowly opened the door with her front left hoof.
“I just wanted to say...Goodnight.” The green Pegasus said quietly.
Neon couldn’t see the tears forming in her little sister’s eyes, because Scootaloo had her back to her. If she had seen them, she would’ve hugged her and tried to comfort her, but Scootaloo didn’t want her to see them. She was still angry with her big sister, for not being the kind of sister that she promised to be. The sister that Scootaloo had wished for, and had always needed...
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The young Filly woke up from her peaceful, undisturbed slumber. She let out a small yawn before getting out of her comfortable bed. As she stepped out of her room, her gaze shifted to Neon’s door. Scootaloo sighed and opened the door. She wanted to talk to her big sister about the day before, but there was one problem...Neon was gone.
Her older sister was in Ponyville, having something to drink at an old bar, which was located in the outskirts of Ponyville, called “Cider Hooves Tavern”. It was quite dark in there, and the building was
very old. Every single floorboard creaked, and the left half of the building looked like it was about to fall down. Despite the building’s bad condition, everypony went there. It was very popular, due to the great cider that was sold there.
As Neon took a sip from the wooden cup, a blue Unicorn, with an almost white mane and pink eyes, sat next to the green Pegasus. The Unicorn placed two bits on the desk.
“One cup of cider please.” The mare said, in a depressed tone.
Neon looked at the blue mare. She looked really depressed. Neon was about to ask her about it, but she stopped herself, because it wasn’t any of her business. It looked like it could have been something personal. The bartender gave a cup of fresh cider to the Unicorn, and Neon looked away, but then the Unicorn suddenly looked at her and started to speak.
“Hey, I saw you in Ponyville yesterday. You looked like you were in a rush.” The Unicorn commented, just before she took a sip from her cup.
It took a few minutes for Neon to reply. She wasn’t sure what to say.
“Yeah, I guess I was....What’s your name, by the way?” Neon asked.
The Unicorn’s gaze nervously shifted to her cup of cider.
“Lulamoon. My name’s Lulamoon.” The Unicorn replied.
“Nice name.” Neon commented with a small smile. She took one last sip of cider. “I’m Neon Flash. Most ponies just call me Neon....You look familiar, by the way...”
Lulamoon silently gulped, and avoided eye contact with Neon. It looked like she was hiding something...
“Me?....Well, I did defeat two Star Dragons once.” Lulamoon lied.
Neon gasped in amazement. Star Dragons are a very rare species of Dragon, and they are rumoured to be the most powerful. Defeating two of them, all by yourself, was almost impossible.
“Really?!..How did you do it?!” Neon asked. She was very interested in Lulamoon’s Dragon encounter.
Lulamoon grinned.
“Well, I have mastered arts of magic. An Arcane Master can easily defeat two Star Dragons. That’s one of the advantages of being a Unicorn.” Lulamoon boasted.
N
eon was about to reply, but she was interrupted by a very loud roar, that sounded like it was coming from Ponyville. The roar was followed by frightened screams. Neon dashed out of the tavern, and saw a huge black beast in the distance. It had a very long neck, and a huge, fat body. It’s elegant wings were a lot bigger than it’s body. It’s eyes were shining like stars, and it’s sharp horns and claws were a lovely cosmic purple. Neon gasped in absolute shock.
“A Star Dragon!”
Without any hesitation, she rushed towards Ponyville, hoping her sister was safe. Scootaloo was all that she could think about right now. She would never be able to forgive herself if she let her little sister get killed. Lulamoon darted after her.
By the time the two Ponies reached Ponyville, the town had been turned into a wasteland of fallen, broken buildings. There was rubble everywhere, and most of the citizens were either dead or injured...Except for one Filly. Scootaloo.  She had been taking cover in the remains of her school, with her friends Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo was the only one that was brave enough to come out and confront the Dragon.
“HEY! STOP RIGHT THERE YOU FAT LIZARD!” Scootaloo bravely shouted.
Rainbow Dash, who was lying on someone’s roof with injuries and bruises, heard Scootaloo’s shout. Her eyes shot open. The rainbow-maned Pegasus suddenly flew towards the Dragon.
“Scootaloo, run!” The loyal Pegasus commanded.
Scootaloo looked at her idol and grinned in excitement. Her hero was here to save the day! The young Filly believed that Rainbow could defeat the Dragon, but to her surprise, the Dragon had swatted her away like a bee. The beast glared at Scootaloo, and suddenly grabbed the poor Filly. Neon gasped, as she watched the Dragon fly away with her sister.
“SCOOTALOO!” Neon cried out, as she tried to fly after the Dragon.
Lulamoon managed to stop Neon by grabbing her tail.
“Neon, don’t! You can’t save her. He’ll kill you, and he’s probably going to kill her....It’s too late now.” Lulamoon said, in a mournful tone.
Neon didn’t want to believe it. Her sister, her little Scootaloo, had been taken away. She had to save her! Even if it killed her! Neon’s gaze shifted to Lulamoon.
“Please! You have to help me! You said you defeated TWO Star Dragons! Help me save her! Please!” Neon begged desperately.
Lulamoon felt incredibly guilty, and sorry for the green Pegasus. It must have been heartbreaking to see her little sister taken away like that. Lulamoon knew her Dragon story was a lie, but the Pegasus was so desperate to save her sister, and she was the first Pony that ever believed in Lulamoon. She was the first Pony that ever needed her.
Lulamoon sighed.
“Okay...I’ll help you.”
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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhMvKv4GX5U[/youtube]

[Moved to OT    ZennaBug]

[Keiri]

Your story looks very nice so far! Definitely something I'd be interested in reading. 

[ZennaBug]

Looks like a great story so far!  I'm going to scoot this over to OT for you though, since that's where fanfics go 

[kaoskat]

Good luck with your story!

[Eviecorn]

Good work so far. 

[kittybethy]

Love the creative juices!