What do you call a cow with no legs?

[ViciousJupiter]

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases?  They're making headlines.

Lol I giggled at that one.  Thank you <3


A blonde is driving down a country road and looks over to a cornfield on the side.  She sees another blonde in the middle of the field rowing a boat.  "Why the hell is she rowing a boat in the middle of a cornfield for?" She asks herself.  Extremely upset she stops and get's out of her car to yell at the other blonde.  "It's blondes like you that make blondes like me look bad.  And if I could swim I would come out there and kick your ass!"

[creampuf]

ooooOOOooo blonde jokes....

gloves are off huh?

[ViciousJupiter]

I am currently a blond myself and enjoy blond jokes very much    Show me what you got sista!

[Bunny-san]

A pirate walks into a bar with his ship's wheel sticking out of the front of his pants, a very unhappy look on his face. He goes to the bar and orders a drink and the bartender asks "Why on earth do you have a ships' wheel sticking in your pants? That Can't be very comfortable!" The pirate takes a swig and says "YARRRR....Its Drivin' me nuts."

BAZINGA!

[NumiTuziNeru]

Countess Maria Bolkonskaya celebrates her 50th anniversary, the whole local Hussar regiment is invited, and the Countess boasts about her presents. "Cornet Obolensky presented me a lovely set of 50 Chinese fragrant candles. I loved them so much that I immediately stuck them into the 7 seven-branch candlesticks you see on the table. Quite fortunate numbers! Unfortunately there is one candle left, and I don't know where to stick it..." — The whole Hussar regiment takes a deep breath... And the Hussar Colonel barks out: "Hussars, not a word!"

Himmler assembled his henchmen for an assessment interview. He called in Eismann.
"Eismann, select a number between 0 and 99".
"93".
"Why 93 and not 39?"
"Because I said so."
"Very well." Himmler dismissed him and wrote in Eismann's personal dossier: "Character: Nordic."
Then, he called in Rolf.
"Rolf, select a number between 0 and 99."
"46."
"Why 46 and not 64?"
"If you want it, then it will be 64."
"Very well". He dismissed him and wrote down: "Character: nearly Nordic."
Then, he called in Stierlitz.
"Stierlitz, select a number between 0 and 99."
"22."
"Why 22 and not... Stierlitz, stop messing with my work!"

[rybett]

How do you catch a unique rabbit? 
U nique up on it. 

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way, u nique up on it.   

[creampuf]

A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock.

The blonde replied, "What for? Are you going to set it on fire?!"

[melodys_angel]

xD

Ill post something if it comes to mind.  Ive heard of quite a few but cant remember right now

[hathorcat]

Why was the little strawberry crying?

Because his parents were in a jam!

[StarSwirl05]

What kind of train do you make bubblegum with? Chew Chew
Can February March? No but April May
What does the US and MLP have in common? They both have manes.

[ZennaBug]

Q:  How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?
A:  Take the "S" out of Safe and the "F" out of way.

... THERE IS NO F IN WAY! 

[foalpatrol]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says "I'll have a beer and a mop".

[Oneleo1]

How do you fit a giraffe in the fridge?

*typical answer here - I don't know*

Open the door and stick it in.

How do you fit an elephant in the fridge?

*typical answer here: open up the door and stick it in*

No silly! The giraffe is in there still. Open the door, take out the giraffe and put the elephant in!

[kiwimlp]

How do you catch a unique rabbit? 
U nique up on it. 

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way, u nique up on it.

 
 
What do you call Postman Pat when he gets made redundant?
 
Pat

[Saja]

Just asked my kids for some inspiration, heres what they came up with, lol

Whats Pink and fluffy?
Pink Fluff.

Whats Blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.

What do you call a woman with one leg?
Ilene

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, sitting on your front porch?
Matt

Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
coz he was caught with seaweed.

A magician was driving down the road...then he turned into a driveway!

what do you call a fish with no eyes?
a fsh.